Absinthe novel Chapter 18

"What was that about?" Faye asked.

Everyone was staring at me, so I had no choice but to speak up. I swallowed the knot in my throat before answering the question.

"I didn't know you were friends with Jiwoo," I told Janus.

"Well, we both worked at the Hilton. I was a bartender there before I transferred when The Schwa opened."

"Don't change the topic!" snapped Faye. "I want to know what happened. What was that new JM guy talking about?"

"I gave up what I won from the cooking finals," I answered finally.

"What? Did you forfeit?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "I just gave up the fee waiver. I told Chef Maxwell to give it to Jiwoo instead. I can pay for the fees anyway."

"So you basically gave away 600,000? Don't you think that's being too generous?" Faye asked.

"That's not too generous," chimed Derrick. "That's your typical BJ. He gave about half a million to JM, right?"

Jesus Christ. Why did he have to bring that up now of all times?

"What? What is Derrick talking about, BJ?"

"Calm down, Faye," Robert said.

"I didn't exactly earn that money. It was a prize, and Jiwoo was equally deser—" I tried to explain my side, but Derrick cut me short.

"He gave JM half a million pesos, and eventually we found out that JM has a wife."

"Seriously?" I shouted. "That was my secret to reveal!"

"That's not what's important now!" Faye, too, raised her voice.

"Have you slept with him?" asked Derrick. "If you have, just think of that as payment for a very expensive prostitute."

I gave Derrick a disgusted look.

"That was too much, man." Janus said.

"You know, Faye, this is your fault," Cassie started, joining the sudden tense bickering at the table.

"What do you mean?" Faye's eyebrows were dangerously high.

"You were the one pushing BJ to that JM asshole. You wanted them to be together."

"I beg your pardon!" Faye was almost shouting. Everyone was quiet and staring at the two.

"Okay, everybody, take a chill pill," Janus said. "Let's focus on the food. It's delicious, isn't it?"

"Hey!" I shouted to get everyone's attention. "It's nobody's fault. I was stupid. I got scammed. That's it."

"When were you going to tell us about it?" Faye demanded.

"Faye, it's not something I'm proud of, alright? It's embarrassing falling in love with someone like that."

Robert had been massaging my back, and I suddenly felt him stiffen. "That's enough, Faye," he said. Something about his authoritative voice shut all of us up.

"This food is really great!" Janus said, desperately trying to lighten the mood. We ate in awkward silence.

I turned to Janus and asked for his advice on what Jiwoo had said about me earlier. "Should I talk to him?"

"Who? JM?"

"No!" I cried. "Jiwoo!"

"Sorry. The kitchen and the bar staff at the Hilton call him JM. It's only the lobby staff who call him by his weird Korean name."

I suddenly remembered where I had first heard his name. He was the one who had made my haejangguk when I was hungover at the Hilton.

"His name's weird," Faye commented. "Is his mom a K-pop fan or something?

"He's half-Korean, if you hadn't noticed. His mom got impregnated by a Korean tourist. I doubt the man knew he had a son."

"A Korean tourist?" Cassie asked.

"Yeah," replied Janus with a nod. "You know how thousands of them flock the country every summer? JM's mom—I meant Jiwoo's mom—was one of those Filipina hopefuls who wanted to snatch a foreigner for a husband."

"Rotten luck that she was left with a baby instead," Robert said. "They're called Kopinos, right? Korean-Filipino kids abandoned by their fathers?"

"Yeah. The name Jiwoo is all he's ever known about his dad," explained Janus.

"That's sad," Cassie said. "But I guess that's what she got for being a gold digger."

"What do you mean?" Robert asked.

I shot a quick glance at Faye, and I could feel her seething in anger and annoyance.

"Jiwoo's mom most likely seduced Korean men in the hopes of getting a rich husband."

"What do you know about her intentions?" snapped Faye.

"See? That was the exact same thing you told BJ about JM, and look at where that's gotten him!"

"Should I apologize to Jiwoo then?" I asked, projecting my voice louder than everyone else's to prevent the impending World War III between Faye and Cassie.

"Jiwoo's pretty sensitive when it comes to receiving help from people," Janus said.

"Why is he acting like that, though? Isn't he supposed to be thankful instead?" Robert asked, following my lead of changing the topic. "I mean, what BJ did was an act of kindness."

"He hates getting help from others," Janus began. "Because he hates being accused of using his looks to take advantage of other people."

"Is he gay?" Derrick asked.

"I don't think so," Janus answered. "I've never seen him with anyone. He's always working multiple jobs at a time. I once asked him about it. He said he wanted to go to France and study cooking. He was on the verge of giving up, you know? So he got really excited when he heard about the class that Chef Maxwell was opening."

I nodded in understanding. "But I beat him in the finals, and now he has to pay for more."

Janus nodded back. "He did tell me about that. He said that at first he thought you'd used your connections to get a spot. But he changed his mind after seeing you in action."

"And he probably changed his mind about me again after finding out I'd given up my scholarship for him."

Janus shook his head and smiled. "He'll come to his senses. He's just angry that he has no choice but to receive help. He'll probably figure out a way to repay you."

Rrring!

Thank God it was someone else's turn to be talked about.

It was Cassie's phone. She announced that it was from her modeling agency. She answered the call and placed it on loud speaker.

"Hi, Cass!" came the voice of a gay guy on the other end of the line.

"Hi, Madam! What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much. I have a bit of bad news, though."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Well, the advertising company just canceled your contract."

Cassie's face turned red.

"I asked them about it, and I'm really sorry, Cass, but they said they wanted younger models for the job."

If Cassie's face was red earlier, it was tomato red now.

"Right," she answered as calmly as she could. "I'm sure we can book other gigs."

"That's the second thing I wanted to talk to you about."

I saw Faye smirking maliciously beside Cass. She was the only one enjoying her food. All of us were staring, transfixed, at Cass.

"I think it's time for you to reconsider your options."

"What do you mean?"

"You're 31 now, Cass. You're beautiful and talented, there's no doubt about that, but so are the thousands of newer, younger models out there."

"Bye, Madam! I'll call you later!" Cass said, cutting the call short.

Faye continued to eat while the rest of us sat there in yet again another round of awkward silence. I was starting to think that the game Janus had come up with wasn't such a good idea.

"Hey, guys, I'm thinking of proposing to my girlfriend!" Janus interrupted.

"Really?" Faye asked. "Have you bought a ring?"

"Yes!" Janus said excitedly. "I really got a good deal from—"

Cassie stood. "I forgot I had to do something. Sorry, everyone. I'm leaving."

Derrick also stood up and turned to us. "Don't give me that look, Faye. She needs me more than any of you."

"And what about me?" I asked Derrick. "What about what you did to me?"

Derrick frowned. It looked like he was having an internal struggle. "I'm sorry. I was out of line."

I nodded. "Let's talk later."

We ate the rest of the meal in relative silence. Janus continued to talk to us about his girlfriend until Faye suddenly remarked, "That was the lamest excuse I've ever heard."

I gave Faye an annoyed look. "She's our friend, Faye."

"And that friend just told me I was the reason you got scammed by that JM asshat!" Faye snapped. "But why the fuck did you give that asshat mo—"

"Ugh, here we go again!"

"Stop it, Faye," Robert said sternly.

Faye crossed her arms across her chest and refused to look at Robert.

"Fine. I guess I'm leaving, too." She stood up and went for the door. I smiled weakly at Janus and Robert, but I couldn't stop a heavy sigh from escaping my mouth.

"I'll help clean up," Janus said as he stood up to collect the flatware and utensils.

Robert quietly followed suit. I could hear the two of them washing the dishes, but I stayed rooted in my seat. Cassie had just lost her job. She and Faye had fought, too. I knew it would take a while for this matter to die down. Faye had been pretty upset that I hadn't trusted her enough to tell her about the money issue with JM. And for some unknown reason, Derrick was pissed off with me as well.

Robert came back to the dining table with a mug of coffee. It was a plain Americano. He said something along the lines of it was the only thing he knew how to make. Janus also joined us, and the two of them talked about something I was too distracted to fully grasp.

"We'll be on our way now, BJ," I finally heard Robert saying.

"Oh, sure," I replied.

Janus and Robert looked at each other, and they both shrugged. It would seem that my absentmindedness was obvious.

"The meal was amazing. Thanks a lot, man!" Janus said.

"Sorry for what happened, though," I managed to say, focused this time.

Robert smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You should get some rest."

***

I threw myself in the plunge pool in the upstairs balcony and drifted there for the next couple of hours, thinking about everything.

How I felt about JM's betrayal.

How I felt about myself having fallen for someone like JM again.

How I felt about Samsong and all the other Samsongs of the corporate world.

How I felt about Faye, Cassie, and Derrick.

How I felt about Jiwoo and what I had done to him.

It was all confusing to me. Faye used to joke that I had the emotional range of a kindergarten student, with the ability to feel only one emotion at a time. Maybe she was right. Perhaps it was the water gently swaying me in circles in the pool, or the general lack of direction in my life, but I couldn't seem to keep focusing on those thoughts.

I kept recalling how disappointed and hurt Jiwoo's voice had been when he spoke to Janus on the phone earlier.

And I kept thinking about how I wanted to explain myself.

This went on for hours on end until I remembered my Paris-Brest! Fuck! I had totally forgotten to serve it to everyone!

I jumped out of the water, dried myself up, and ran to the kitchen. My Paris-Brest was still there, sitting prettily on different plates. A sudden idea came to mind. I took out some foldable cartons from the pantry and carefully placed a couple of my delectable creations in them. I called Janus and asked where Jiwoo was working at that time. I was told his kitchen shift at the Hilton would end at around midnight.

It was only 7.

Fuck it! I thought. I asked Janus to give me Jiwoo's number, and he obliged. I drove as fast as I could and parked near the Hilton. There was a park nearby with couples and friends hanging out under the moonlight. I found a comfortable place to sit, with three average-sized trees forming a dome of twigs and Christmas lights. I sat there with the Paris-Brest on my lap.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jiwoo. It's me, BJ."

"..."

"I know you're at work right now, but could you come to the park across the Hilton?"

"What's up?" he asked in a flat tone.

"I'd rather talk about it in person."

"I'm working."

"Please? It won't take long. I'll stay here and wait for you, so come out whenever you can."

It was just over an hour, but it felt like ages had gone by when I felt someone sit behind me. I was about to turn to see who it was when the person spoke.

"It's me. What do you want?" Jiwoo's voice was cold and annoyed.

"I have something for you," I said. "As an apology for what I did."

Without looking at Jiwoo directly, I handed the box over, and he took it. A moment later, I heard him munching, taking bite after bite.

"This is good," he remarked, his mouth clearly full.

"I'm glad you liked it." I hesitated before I said, "Does this mean I'm forgiven now?"

Jiwoo continued eating for a while before he spoke. "I figured I'm not really angry at you. It wasn't your fault."

I didn't answer. Then I felt him lean against my back.

"You heard me talking on the phone, didn't you?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"You only did what a decent human being would do: give up your scholarship for those who need it more. Why should I be angry at that?"

I didn't answer again.

"I guess I was just irritated at the fact that Matt was right. Who am I to think that I could ever afford Chef Maxwell's class?" He stopped eating. "But I really want it, you know? I'm tired of working all these jobs. I want to do something with my life, and cooking's my passion." He relaxed against me and sighed. "I am beyond exhausted, BJ."

"It won't be fun without you there," I said, my voice barely audible against the honking of cars and the voices of people chattering around us.

"I just hate being a charity case."

"Then pay me back," I said. "Pay me back after you start earning money as a top-class chef."

Jiwoo was quiet for some time. "I'll send you the five hundred thousand I have, and then maybe I can pay off the remaining two hundred thousand in installments?"

"Fine by me," I answered.

I felt his head land on my shoulder.

"I really hate being a charity case," he reiterated.

"Should I put in some interest? Perhaps get something that you own as collateral?" I joked.

Jiwoo chuckled softly. "Who's Gold Digging MoFu?" he suddenly asked.

"Shit," I said out loud. "I forgot about that."

"Seems like he was having an emergency or something."

"He said the same thing to me. Told me his mom had been hospitalized. I lent him money, and then I found out that he's married to this woman who just gave birth at my friend's hospital."

"You mean—h"

"Yes, he was my boyfriend. Or I thought he was. And yes, I'm gay."

"Alright." He went quiet, and I was afraid that he would be able to feel my nervously thumping heart.

"I hate it here," he said. "The metro, I mean. You can't see the stars."

I looked up, and he was right. The moon was shining in its full brightness in the night sky, but it was the only visible astronomical body.

"Light pollution," I said.

"Yeah."

"I'm glad we've sorted things out," I said, not sure how to continue the conversation. "I guess I should be going now. I don't want to keep you from work."

Jiwoo straightened himself and turned to me. He did look worn out. Swallowing his pride to take that deal with me must have sapped him of his remaining strength. He then sat sideways and lied down, placing his head on my lap.

"I'm tired, BJ. Let me sleep for a while."

"Are you kidding?" I asked him, laughing a little.

"No," he answered, his eyes closed but his mouth curved up in a smile. "I hate the metro, but I like it here."