Alpha Loren novel Chapter 150

When we arrived at the castle gates, Luca ordered two guards to collect Connor's body before carrying me upstairs to an empty room. He told me that because of the long journey back, the lateness of the day and the exhaustion of the army, that we would be staying in the castle until the next morning before going home.

He lit the fire, fetched me some blankets which he proceeded to wrap me in, made me a cup of hot cocoa and most importantly, kept me company. We didn't speak much but he was willing to sit with me regardless. I couldn't bear to be alone right now and Luca was the only person in this entire castle that could make me feel like I wasn't.

"You should try to get some sleep, Ells," he said after an hour or so of silence. "You look exhausted."

"Will you stay with me?" I asked.

"All night. I promise," he replied.

I smiled and nodded.

"Thank you, Luca. I don't know what I'd do without you," I replied before snuggling further into the blankets and comfortable bed.

I woke a few times in the night. Luca was always there. Either sleeping lightly at the foot of the bed or sitting awake as I slept. After replaying the entire event back in my head during a dream I made him come and lie next to me and spent a considerable amount of the night after that crying into his shoulder.

When the morning came, he brought me some food before offering to talk to Leo about letting my Dad out for Connor's funeral. He'd already sent a guard to inform him of the situation with Connor last night and I didn't want to imagine my Dad's feeling of pure grief along with the discomfort and loneliness of a dungeon. He was only prisoner of course.

"He said yes and he seemed truly sorry."

"Did he tell you to say that?" I asked.

"No. He didn't say much at all," Luca replied. "We have until midday to bury Connor before we have to leave this place."

I nodded.

An hour later, we had congregated around at the foot of a not quite frozen lake underneath a weeping willow tree. Luca and my Dad had found the best suits they could and I had found a white dress. Connor never wanted a depressing funeral- or at least as not depressing as possible.

I had watched as Luca and my Dad carried my brother's coffin to the shore and lowered it slowly into a boat. In my hand, I held a burning touch. Connor never wanted to be buried. He said the maggots and damp would drive him insane.

I pulled out a piece of paper out of my cloak and unfolded it. On it, I had written something for him. It wasn't much but in such short notice and with so much sadness, it was all I could handle.

"To the best brother, I could ever have dreamt of, I'm sorry if this seems rushed. I wasn't expecting you to be taken away from me so soon. I also have so much to say, so much I can't put into words and so much that you don't want to be all day listening to. So I'll try to keep it short," I began smiling through the tears. "Although it feels like I lost you seven years ago, I have thought of you every day since then. Despite everything, I didn't lose hope that I'd at some point see you again and I did. It was a short time but I will never cease to be grateful for those few days that I got to spend with my brother again. It felt like you'd never gone. I believe that you still haven't. I've tried to avoid the cheese sandwich and I know you'll be laughing at me right now but you'll be forever in my heart. Until the day I die. You helped raise me, you protected me, you stuck by me. We grew up together, we struggled together and we laughed together. You always gave anyone that messed with me a piece of mind, just like I did to anyone that messed with you. That's what us Jones' do best. With that being said, you were also pretty good at being my brother. We've had good times and bad times together and admittedly, this is probably a low point but I love you, Connor Jones. And I always will."

I looked to Luca and then to my Dad.

"What she said," he joked as tears escaped his eyes. "Rest in peace my son."

He looked as though he wanted to say more but couldn't without breaking completely down. I wrapped my arm around his waist and together we slowly lowered the flame torch onto the boat and watched as Luca pushed him out into the lake.

"Goodbye, Connor," I said as tears began falling again. My Dad hugged me tightly as I too began to sob.

"Onwards and upwards, baby," he said kissing my head. When I was little he always used to say that and for a minute it seemed like no time had passed. I missed those days. Everything was easier. My mate hadn't killed my brother for a start.

"I miss him so much, Dad," I cried.

"I know and I do too but you aren't alone. You have me and you have Luca," he replied.

"I'll do everything I can to get him to free you," I whispered.

"Don't worry about me, Ells. I've been through a fucking lot. I can deal with a few years in jail."

I smiled and hugged my Dad again.

Luca left us a few minutes later and I sat with my Dad under the willow tree for hours. We chatted for the first time in thirteen years about ordinary stuff. No mention of war or pain or hatred. Just me and my Dad. I told him about Cato, Mathias, Silas, Marie, Francesca, Lili, Zacharias and Stefano and my life for the last decade. He told me stories about his life in the pack before Connor and I were born and how amazed he was that Max Megestanis and I actually get along now. I told him about my Mom and how she had been after he disappeared.

"Poor Mom won't know what to think. On the one hand, she'll have her mate who she thought died 13 years ago back but on the other, she has lost her only son," I said.

"It will be hard for a few years but we will all move on eventually Ella," he replied.

"I don't want to move on though. I can't forget him."

"My child, there is a difference between moving on and forgetting. Connor would want you to be happy. You know that. And you don't have to forget him to do that."

"But my mate killed him," I replied. "The man I am supposed to raise eight kids and grow old with killed my brother. How am I meant to find happiness in that?"

"One day, you'll forgive him. Your mother always found it in her heart to forgive me eventually."

"You never killed Milo Megestanis."

"I tried to and that is almost just as bad. He is your mate. It may take decades or maybe you never will but you will love him again and you will be happy with him again. And I suppose you can think of it like this: because he is your mate, his motivation was to protect you and he would never have done anything to intentionally harm you."

"I thought you hated him?"

"Oh I do," he replied with a twang of spite on his tongue. "I hate the motherfucker now more than I ever have."

"Then why are you defending him for killing your son?"

"Because I want my remaining child to be happy. And now that it is far too late, I have realised that being with him is the only way to keep you that way. But you understand that even if he does free me from jail, I will never be able to so much as to look at him, right?"

I nodded.

"I would love to meet my grandchildren but if he is going to be there, I can't."

I nodded again.

"I understand."

"Ella, Nicolos," a voice said from behind us. It was Luca's. "The Alpha requires you back at the castle. The convoy is leaving in half an hour."

I smiled sadly before taking a last look out into the lake which was once again still and peaceful.

My Dad helped me to my feet before holding me tightly all the way back through the forest. At the gates of the castle, hundreds of Leo's black army trucks were lined up. They were being loaded with supplies and men but the Alpha was nowhere to be seen.

"I've been told to take you to the prison truck," Luca said with a sigh. "I'm sorry but I have to follow my orders."

My Dad nodded before hugging me one last time and kissing my forehead.

"See you soon, Ells," he said before Luca lead him away and I made my way to the room that Connor had been living in.

The room brought up so many emotions but there were things I couldn't bear to leave behind. I found his favourite jacket, the one that he had had since he was about fifteen; a picture frame with a photo of the two of us in it from the year before I met Leo and a note.

To the best little sister I could have dreamt for,

If you are reading this, it probably means that I am no longer with you. I'm sorry for putting you through this but I don't want you to grieve me forever. A few days will suffice. Then I want you to be as happy as you can possibly be and live out your days with the memories of me lifting you higher rather than dragging you down. That doesn't seem too much to ask. Although I have never gotten along (to say the least) with your mate, I can at least trust him to do anything he can to protect you. If that involved killing me, I want you to one day forgive him. It is the only way you can truly be happy and don't you dare think for a second that you are betraying me in doing so. I understand.

Anyway, thanks for teaching me how to turn on the oven and stopping me from overindulging in alcohol and video games. For standing up to the bastard Paul and most importantly, accompanying me in that whole growing up business. Those days seem a world away now- and if I am in fact dead, they quite literally are. You are probably crying right now but do me last one favour and appreciate my morbid humour. I'd rest easy knowing I can make you smile even from my grave.

I wish you well with your life and make sure little Jones's know that their uncle loves them lots. And make sure you know that your brother loves your lots too. As Dad always used to say 'onwards and upwards, baby'.

Goodbye, Ells.

Love from,

Connor xx

Tears were streaming by the end but I couldn't help but smile. 

It was all I needed to hear and more.