Alpha Loren novel Chapter 154

Hours later we finally pulled up at the army base in Stella pack. I'd just woken up, was still half asleep and probably looked like an absolute mess so when Luca told me to stay in the truck I wasn't going to protest.

"How is she?" I heard Leo's voice from the back of the unloading truck.

"Distraught, upset, angry, tired, hungry," Luca listed with a little spite in his voice.

"Should I talk to her?" he asked.

"No. She's still mourning him, Alpha," Luca stated. "I don't know if she'd be ready to talk yet."

"Can you let her know that I came by?" he said after a pause.

"Of course, Alpha."

"I'll be back in an hour to take her home," he said before his footsteps faded away.

I rested my head against the truck door and closed my eyes. I kind of wanted to see him but at the same time I wanted to be as far away as possible.

A little while later, I was woken again.

"Ella," a soft voice said. "Ella."

I fluttered my lashes open to see Leo's vibrant blue eyes in front of me.

"It's time to go home. The kids will be missing you," he said taking my hand and ushering me out of the van.

I nodded and followed him to his car without a word. The journey from the base to our house was fifteen minutes but I didn't say a word then either.

"Mommy and Daddy are back!" A little voice squealed before six little people ran into the hall and swarmed us with their adorable presence.

Cato, Mathias, Silas, Francesca, Marie and Lili, shortly followed by the youngest Lorens in the arms of Rosa, Zacharius who was only one and Stefano born only 4 months ago.

"Why do you look so sad, Mommy?" Silas asked after the hugs and kisses had been delivered by both Leo and me to all eight of them.

"Mommy lost someone very close to her, honey," I said kissing his forehead. "But don't worry, I'll be fine."

"Bambinos, why don't you get the present you made for your parents," Rosa suggested handing Zacharius to me and Stefano to Leo.

"Who did you lose?" Rosa asked after the six walkers had ran off into the kitchen.

"My brother," I said quietly.

"Oh, Bambina," she said pulling me into a hug. "What happened?"

"He was fighting against the pack," I replied looking over to Leo. "And..."

"Leonardo..." Rosa said looking up at her eldest son. "Please tell me you didn't..."

"I did," he replied bluntly with a clenched jaw and a pained expression. "I'm not proud of it and I don't need a lecture."

"My God," Rosa exclaimed putting her hand up to her mouth.

"Mama, Papa look!" Marie and Francesca said in time as all six of them hurried back into the hallway with a large piece of paper.

On it was a childish drawing of some people outside a house amongst trees and underneath a great big blue sky with white fluffy clouds, birds and a yellow shining sun.

"That's Mommy and that's Daddy," Cato announced proudly pointing at the two taller figures. "I drew Daddy and Mathias drew Mommy but we could remember how tall you were so we drew you the same but actually..." he said looking between us. "I don't think that's right."

I let out a slight laugh as a tear ran down my face.

"I told you that we should have done Daddy bigger!" Mathias exclaimed.

"And you're holding hands because you love each other lots and lots," Lili added.

"And then we drew us next to you," Silas said pointing to the smaller figures below. "We all drewed ourselves but I did Zacharius and Stefano because they don't know how yet."

"And then!" Francesca squealed. "I drew big Luca in the trees but he's hiding because it reminds me of when he always plays games in the forest with us."

"Mommy, why are you crying?" Cato asked.

"It's lovely kids," I said crouching down and pulling them all into my arms. "I'm crying because I'm sad but also because I'm happy to have all of you back."

"Can we go to bed later tonight?" Silas asked forever hopeful.

"Special treat," I said ruffling his hair. "Now say goodnight to Nonna and go and get your pyjamas on."

There was a chorus of 'nun night Nonna's sent in Rosa's directions and lots more kisses and hugs before they finally went upstairs and Rosa left with our thanks for looking after them so well. She offered for me to come and stay at her house without Leo but I declined because I decided that the best way to keep the kids happy would be to keep the family together.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy," Lili cried tugging at his leg. "Can we watch Shrek?"

He swooped her up into his arms, already with Stefano, and rolled his eyes.

"Again, Lili?" he said ticking her tummy.

"Yeah!" she exclaimed. "Again! Again! Again!"

"You'll have to see what your brothers and sisters want to watch," he replied.

"Shrek!"

"The 2nd one!"

"No, the first one!"

"Me and Silas want the third one!"

"First!"

"Okay, okay," Leo said and they all quietened and listened eagerly as they always did when their father spoke to them. "Everyone who wants to watch the first, raise their hand."

Francesca and Marie raised their hands.

"The second one," he added.

Lili and Cato raised their hands.

"The third one."

Mathias and Silas raised their hands.

"Oh shit," Leo muttered. Two votes for each. "The fourth one?"

"The fourth one is shit," Cato announced.

"Cato!" I exclaimed.

"Daddy said it!" He protested.

"When you are almost 30, you can say it too," I scolded.

"Which one is your favourite Mommy?" Marie asked tugging at my arm.

"I'd have to go with the second one."

"Second one it is then," Leo replied carrying Lili and Stefano into the lounge.

"Mommy can I asked you a question?" Cato said slipping his hand into mine as I followed Leo into the lounge with Zacharius in my arms.

"Of course."

"Why aren't you talking to Daddy?" he asked. "Why don't you look at him or touch him?

"When you're old enough to understand, I'll tell you everything. For now, don't worry and don't worry your younger siblings, okay?" I replied.

He nodded before curling up on the sofa next to me.

Francesca and Marie then joined the cuddle whilst Leo sat on the other end of the sofa with the other four: Mathias, Silas, Lili and Zacharius.

We all watched Shrek 2 for the 15th time and by the end, every child fell asleep.

Leo began to ferry them up to their separate beds trying not to wake them as I started to cook something to eat.

"Would you like me to sleep in one of the spare rooms tonight?" Leo asked after returning from taking Mathias and Cato up.

I shook my head.

"Cato already knows that something is up and I don't want to worry him," I replied. "I'll be fine, honestly."

Leo nodded and there was a short moment of silence as I cut up some tomatoes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. "I feel like you haven't even vented your anger. You didn't even slap me."

"I don't want to slap you, Leo," I replied shaking my head. "I don't really know what to feel right now."

"There's nothing I can do or say to make it better but I need you to know that I am deeply sorry," he said eventually.

I nodded.

"I know and I will forgive you eventually but I can't do that yet. I'd feel like I was dishonouring Connor," I replied.

"I'll try to give you as much space as possible. Sit down and I'll make the dinner."

I woke up at around 4 am. It was a clear starry sky and the moonlight was shining softly through the window onto Leo as he peacefully slept. I watched him for a few minutes trying to make sense of my emotion. I loathe him but I love and I felt guilty because I love him because I loved Connor too and he destroyed him.

I let out a sigh before sitting up and making my way to my chest of drawers and closet and packing a small bag. I then went to each of my children's rooms and kissed them all. Only Cato woke up.

"I'm going somewhere, Caty," I said stroking his hair.

"You aren't coming back for a while are you?" he asked.

"Not too long," I replied. "Just a week or two. Take care of your siblings for me. And your Dad."

He nodded and wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Bye bye," he whispered before I tiptoed downstairs.

"Ella, what are you doing?" Leo's voice said as I neared the front door.

I turned around to see him stood at the bottom of their stairs rubbing his sleepy eyes and running a hand through his messy hair.

"I have to go away for a bit to grieve my brother- something I feel I can't do living with the man that killed him. If you have any respect for me, you will let me," I said unable to look him in the eye.

He took a deep breath in before nodding.

"Okay," he replied. "I'm not going to stop you but where will you go?"

"I don't know."

"How long for?"

"I don't know but I can't leave the kids for too long."

He nodded again, "please be safe."

"I will," I replied approaching him and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"See you soon," he whispered kissing my forehead.

"I love you," I said quietly.

"I love you too."

I looked into his watery eyes one more time before turning around and walking out the door without saying a word.

To be continued in book 4...

Author's note:

Hello, all! Congrats on getting to the end of book three. It still astounds me that actual real-life people read my work and so much of it! I can't possibly thank you enough. The continuation of this is already in motion and should be uploaded...forget it...I'm not gonna say when because it will only lead to disappointment.

Also, as you may know, I did my GCSEs this year and today was results day. After biting my nails for months I got my grades and I'm chuffed to bits. I hope any Year 11s reading this are too. It was 100% worth the hard work and time (and the momentary break from wattpad) and I'd like to encourage you all to work hard at school too. In the grand scheme of your life, a couple of months of pain (and it will be painful) during exams, is nothing and you'll thank yourself later just like I am. I can now study what I wanted to at the sixth form I want and it feels amazing to know there's nothing holding me back. You may not think it right now but school is important and whether you think you are smart or not, hard work makes a difference. I got good results but trust me, it doesn't come naturally to me...