Caged Between the beta and alpha novel Chapter 69

The following day , I had left the cottage early after showering and headed to training feeling restless and nervous .

My heart was breaking and although I knew this was a decision I had decided on , it still hurt .

I would talk to Damon no matter what , right after , I couldn’t keep delaying it .

After training and once I had showered , I quickly grabbed an oversized hoodie that fell to my thighs and some over – the – knee boots .
I left the packhouse , my hair still wet from the shower , heading straight to Damon’s like a woman on a mission .

Not today .

Not today , nothing was going t o stop me .

I rang the doorbell , letting out a breath I didn’t know I was even holding when I finally reached Damon’s home .

‘ Damon ? I’m outside .

I said through the link softly .

My heart cracking a little more .
” This must be important , huh .

‘ His deep , sexy voice came .

‘ Hmm .

‘ I replied , feeling awful and waiting for him to open up , he did a few moments later .

He had a shirt on , but the buttons were undone , showing off his perfect body .
My stomach fluttered and the pain in my chest reminded me of our connection .

” Hey .

” I said softly .

” Hey , gorgeous .

” He said pulling me into his arms , I closed my eyes , hugging him tightly .

His beating heart was like a soothing melody compared to the thundering of mine … This decision I had made … Was there really no other way ? I knew the answer to that …
” Hey … What’s wrong ? Are you ok ? ” His soft voice brought me out of my reverie , m y heart beating like a drum as I slowly moved back and nodded , forcing a smile .

I was the selfish one here , wanting them both … but I knew who I was prioritising and what needed to be done was for the both of us ….

” Yeah , kinda … Can we talk ? ” I asked softly .

” Sure .

” He said .

” Shall we go for a walk ?
” ” Ok .

” I said , thinking we could go towards the woods , somewhere alone … Maybe being inside would just make it even more suffocating .

He stepped out and locked up l behind himself , shoving the keys into his pocket .
He gave me a small sexy smile and began t o button up his shirt , hiding those perfect abs from the world .

We stayed silent and he let me lead as we walked along .

With every step I took , I felt as if my feet were dragging … Goddess … please … give me strength … I slowed down when we were in a deserted area of the woods , the rustle of the leaves like a whisper of disapproval at what I was about to do here … Walking down towards the river , I stopped looking around .

We were a good way away from the Alpha’s home .
I sat down , motioning for him to sit opposite me .

He sat down , his soft blue eyes meeting mine and my heart clenched painfully .

Why did I feel like he knew this was bad news … ? ” It’s ok Raven , you can tell me whatever you need to .

You know that .

” He said softly , taking hold of my hands , those sparks of pleasure wrapping me in warmth and kissing my knuckles softly .
I closed my eyes , before opening my eyes and staring down at our hands .

He was special too ….

” I haven’t been fair .

” I said softly , my eyes stinging already .

No matter how hard I tried to keep the tears at bay I knew I wouldn’t be able to , not today .
He frowned slightly , concern clear in his eyes , yet he waited for me to speak .

The sound of the river and the birds chirping in the trees were the only sounds around us , yet even then , our voices simply blended into our surroundings , promising me that my words would remain a secret ….

or were they pleading for me to not do this ?
” Raven … It’s okay … Look , whatever it is , it’s going to be ok .

” I blinked coming out of my thoughts .

” I need to say this … Please let me speak .

Don’t tell me it’s ok , none of this is ok .

” I said , taking a deep breath .

I licked my lips , biting down on my lower one .

Where do I start ? How do you tell someone you are about to break their heart ? Especially when they don’t dese it …
” I’m sorry you got a shitty mate like me .

‘ I whispered , my eyes stinging as I stared a this necklace , unable to look into his eyes .

” I’m sorry that I treat you the way I do … That I haven’t even treated you as mine … I’m sorry that I’m not the mate I should have been … I don’t even get why the goddess paired someone like me with two mates , when I have done nothing to treat you equally … I’m so fucking sorry , but it’s not enough … Goddess , it’s not enough ….

”
My throat felt constricted , I couldn’t breathe properly .

” Gorgeous … Don’t ever blame yourself , I haven’t really stepped up either … but it’s ok … Maybe Liam- ” I shook my head .

” Liam won’t change his mind – set … he won’t and we both know that .

” I whispered quietly , trying to fight back the storm that was threatening to break its dam .

” If he doesn’t agree , what will you d o ? Will you fight for someone who hasn’t even been fair ? Would you fight Liam ? ” The sadness in his eyes tugged painfully a t my chest .

I knew the answer , no .
Not because he didn’t care enough , not because Liam was his Alpha , but because Damon had a heart of gold and all he knew was giving , not taking … and that was what I was doing once again .

Hurting him .

His next words confirmed that … ”
I’m so fucking sorry … I can’t go against him … It’s not just that he’s my Alpha … He … He always put you as number one Raven .

When we were kids … he always looked out for you , always talked about you ….

always wanted you … I’m the one who was too busy looking elsewhere ..

His voice held so much pain that he was trying to hide , but he was failing … failing s o badly .
” Or perhaps you subconsciously told yourself I was off – limits because of Liam’s love for me ? ” I asked softly .

He looked at me , and shook his head .

We didn’t know … We never would know because we had already walked our chosen paths …
” No … If it comes down to one of us , he is the one that deserves you .

” He said softly , kissing my hands once again .

” With this curse , pushing Liam would have been fucking catastrophic .

I am not going to ever risk that .
” I nodded , if Damon or I tried to pursue anything , it would have caused Liam to go off the edge into the darkness .

Love , bonds , and our situation weren’t as easy a s one might think … And regardless , I couldn’t use the curse as an excuse .

I clearly favoured Liam so I couldn’t hold Damon back any longer either .

The moon goddess gave some werewolves second chance mates … I prayed to Selene with everything I had inside to give Damon someone better … Someone who would treat him like a king …
A thought at the back of my head clawed its way to the forefront of my mind , telling me that what if Liam died ? Would I break the bond with my surviving mate ? But I knew the answer to that .

Yes , because if that happened , I deserved to be alone .
Damon was no ones back up , he deserved the best .

” Rejection … That’s what you’re implying .

” Damon said , smiling slightly .

Breaking the final grasp on my tears .

” I won’t say this for the sake of it , but because it’s the truth .

You deserve someone who treats you as the one and only king in her life .

You deserve someone who doesn’t favour another above you .
For someone with two mates , I should be equal , but even if it’s the circumstances or my own fault , I haven’t treated you right … I can’t string you along Damon , it’s hurting me too .

” I sobbed , staring into his eyes .
I needed this , for me , for him , for Liam … No one was happy like this … But in the end , it was Damon who would get hurt the most by the rejection , but he was hurting like this too … ” I’m so fucking sorry …..

I’m sorry ….

” He let go of my hands , his heart pounding .

I could sense his sadness too as he cupped my face , brushing away my tears .

I gripped his wrists , the pain in my chest unbearable .

It hurt , so so fucking much .
” The same thought came to my mind too that perhaps our parting is the right thing to do , even if it isn’t the best thing … We can’t let Liam turn to the darkness completely , and I can’t go against him … ” He said softly , brushing away more of my tears .
My lips quivered and I looked into the shimmering eyes of his wolf .

” I love you , Raven , and even if we cannot b e together as mates … Will you promise me that you will always be my friend ? ” He asked , his eyes shining with unshed tears .

My vision became blurred with the tears that were spilling down my cheeks .

Yes , that was a promise I’ll always keep ..
Even if Liam didn’t agree , I would always be there for Damon as a friend because he had lost so much in life .

I know it would never be enough … I wasn’t doing him justice , and I’d carry that guilt with me for the rest of my life … ” You don’t need to ask me that … Damon , you are always going to be someone special to me .

I love you too .

I want you to know that …
” ” I also wish I could tell you that I did have a connection to you too … Before the mating ball , I had feelings for you both … Liam was my first love … But I loved you too … But what’s the point in saying all that when all I’m doing is hurting you … I broke into wracking sobs , letting go of his wrists to clamp my hands over my mouth .

It hurt .

I couldn’t breathe .
My chest … My heart , breathe … breathe … His arms wrapped around me , pulling me into his chest .

He stroked my hair , not caring that I was soaking his shirt with m y tears .

He rubbed my back as I took deep breathes , but for some reason , I was lacking oxygen .
” I love you too … You’re a pure soul , Raven *** He whispered , his voice thick , and I dared to look up to see his own eyes glinting with tears .

I gasped , sobbing painfully .

” It won’t be goodbye …
” His soothing words and gentle caress , why was he so selfless ? Did he agree because he wanted to ? Or was it because h e didn’t want to make my decision harder for me ? ” This is for someone we both love .

” He added quietly , kissing the top of my head .

I nodded , for someone we both love … Moonlight Muse Author