Capture Your Heart novel Chapter 185

Standing in front of the apartment, Karin tremblingly takes out the key to open the door. The house inside is pitch dark. It’s not only dark but also cold, even colder than outside.

She walks in and turns on the light. The incandescent lamp lights up the house. The quilt on the bed has not been folded. The room is messy. The few buckets of instant noodles have not been thrown away. It seems that someone has lived here all the time, but in fact, Jacob hasn’t come back since the day he disappeared. These days, she has always come here to take a look. Every time she sees the lock on the door, she loses the courage to open the door. Then she just quietly stands outside the door for a while, then leaves sadly...

Tears slips down again. She takes off her coat and cleans up the room silently. She does a good cleaning, because she subconsciously feels that Jacob will come back, even though it’s just her illusion.

After finishing everything, she begins to search through everywhere, trying to find some clues to prove why Jacob left without saying goodbye.

Finally, under the pillow, she finds out a yellowed diary, which is very thick. Judging from the date, it should have been written for several years. Karin's heart aches again. She has never known Jacob has the habit of writing a diary.

For a child who has not received education, being able to develop such a habit can only explain one thing, which is that he has too much suffering in his heart and he can’t tell anyone. So he can only write down all his thoughts, which is also a kind of emotional sustenance.

The first half of the diary is the record of Jacob’s past wandering careers. Then Karin reads one of the pages, which says…

"September 16th, Cloudy. I was beaten again the day before yesterday. I have forgotten that how many times I was beaten. I thought I was dead, but when I opened my eyes, I found that I was still alive. For such a person like me, I really don’t know being able to live to this day is if my vitality is too strong, or my luck is too good. It shouldn’t be my luck. Because since I was born, there are never lucky things happening to me. But this time, I did seem to be lucky. I was rescued by a beautiful woman. When she looked at me, I felt she’s so like my dead sister. The first time I saw her, I actually wanted to cry. This is indeed my luck. It is my only luck since I was born. I don’t think I won’t be so lucky anymore. God has always been harsh to me..."

"October 6th, Sunny. Ever since I learned that the sister’s boyfriend was the one I almost killed, I’ve been feeling bad these days. I’m going crazy because of the condemnation of my conscience. Today I accidentally got to know that man was going to marry another woman. Should I stop him or not? If I stop him, I will definitely die. I am not afraid of death. But when I die, what should my poor mother do? If I don’t stop him, what should my kind sister do? I’m so distressed. Can anyone tell me what should I do...?"

"October 25th, Sunny. After a period of painful struggle, I finally decided to repay my sister for her life-saving grace. Yesterday I saw her on the street. In the crowds, I saw her. She looked so haggard and so sad. She saved my life, but I took away the happiness that belongs to her. I'm a bastard. I deserve to go to hell. I can't let myself live in guilt all my life, so Mom, I'm sorry. I think if you are by my side, you will also support my decision, because you are as kind-hearted as sister. But if there is another life, wish you don’t have a son like me..."

"November 6th, Sunny, I walked out of the prison gate today. The sun dazzled me. I couldn’t open my eyes. It was like a dream. Once I went in, I never thought I could come out again. I knew that sister saved me again. Is there really such a kind person in this world? After she knew that I almost killed her boyfriend, she still saved me. Standing in the sun, I don’t know whether I should cry or laugh. Such a favor, how could I repay her in my rest life...?"

"November 25th, Cloudy, I officially started working in sister’s boyfriend’s company. Although I am not used to it, I will try to get used to it. I will live a good life in the future and I will never let sister down. She saved my broken life, so even for her, I have to live well. Sister, you have to be happy..."

"December 25th, heavy snow..."

In fact, this is the last diary written by Jacob. Before Karin reads it, she has never thought that the content in it will have much impact on her.

"I'm in pain again. What should I do? I have a crush on a woman who is five years older than me. Is this the Oedipus complex? I don't know... But I am really attached. When I was most sad, she would always look at me so warmly. I can’t stay here. Otherwise, I will disappoint my sister. What’s more, I myself will go crazy. I’ll desperately try to protect the family affection between me and her, so even if I have to try my best, I don’t want to ruin this relationship, let alone ruin my sister’s impression of me. I can only leave. I have to go a place where is no her. It’s Christmas tonight. I asked her out. I wanted to say goodbye. I really didn’t like leaving without saying goodbye. But when I saw my sister and her warm eyes, I couldn’t say anything. I could only drink until I become numb. At twelve o’clock in the morning, we came out of the restaurant. It snowed a little outside. She smiled and waved to me, then turned away. She would never know that I stared at her back for a long, long time. We have talked so much. But I'm sorry. I can't say goodbye out. I'm so grateful that at this last moment, I didn't destroy the pure family affection between us..."

With a bang sound, the heavy diary slips from Karin's hands to the floor. She has never expected that Jacob’s feelings have such a change. Besides, she has never expected that Jacob would leave silently here because of this...

Bending down in pain, she covers her face with her hands, weeping in sadness. The tears come out from her fingers, dripping on the diary. She has never been so flustered. She suddenly doesn't know what to do.

After crying for a long time, she packs the diary into her bag and leaves the apartment where Jacob has lived.

Wandering on the street like a ghost, she stops in front of a bar, feeling really sad. She has been very conservative, but for the first time, she has the idea of wanting to indulge herself. She really wants to go in for a few drinks, although she knows she can’t drink at all.

Inside, the neon lights are shining and the rock music is deafening. The smiles on those people who swag their bodies so excitedly forms a sharp contrast with the sad expression on her face at this time.

She finds a corner and sits down, letting the waiter serve a few bottles of red wine. She drinks it by herself. Soon, she has drunk up a bottle of red wine, but she’s still sober. Staring at the empty bottle for five minutes, has she drunk it up by herself? She begins to question. Is it possible that wine will turn into the water when people are sad?

The mobile phone in her pocket vibrates badly. She takes it out and sees that it’s William's number. She is startled, not knowing whether to answer it or not. At this time, she actually just wants to be alone.

The vibration stops and a text message comes in, "Answer the call. I have something to say."

She sniffles and dials back. The phone is quickly connected, "What's the matter?" she asks.

"Where is the document I gave you last time? I have to get it now."

"Are you still at the company?"

She asks drunkenly, feeling dizzy. She feels that the tables and chairs in front of her are dancing.

"Yes, I have a vacation tomorrow, so I worked overtime today."

Hearing the noisy voice on the phone, William asks uncertainly, "Are you in a bar?"