Cold Feet novel Chapter 39

VIOLA

After the phone call I sit down. I’m stunned. I can’t believe it.

Amber looks at me. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t believe it,” I say. I’m in a daze.

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“That was Lara.”

“Your boss. The one who fired you?”

I nod.

“And?” Amber asks curiously. She’s getting stressed and thinks it’s something bad.

“She just asked me to come and work for her again,” I say at last.

“What?” she asks, incredulous. She’s never heard of someone being fired and then rehired by their boss so fast if ever. “What’s the catch?”

“None,” I say. “None at all.” I told Lara I’d think about it but what is there to think about. There are no other opportunities like this. I call her back.

“Okay, I’ll be more than happy to come back. I just have one request,” I say.

“What’s that?” Lara asks sounding worried.

“I’ll start after Rick’s wedding, okay?”

“I was hoping…” Lara begins and then trails off. “Sure. Okay. Done. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“His wedding is still going ahead?” I ask just to be sure.

“Yes it is,” Lara says.

We end the call and I sit down. A smile slowly as Amber looks at me. “And?”

“I’m going back to work,” I say jumping up and down.

“That’s great!” Amber says and dances with me in the middle of the living room as Dane looks on. Then Amber goes to fetch us a bottle of wine and we begin to drink. Three bottles later, we’re quite drunk. I eventually fall asleep on the sofa and Amber heads off to the bedroom where she crashes with Dane.

I feel as if my head is in a vice the next morning when I wake up. I vow never to drink again until the next glass of wine and stumble into the kitchen for aspirin. I cook some breakfast and soon my headache is better but I’m not as happy as I was the night before.

Reality is hitting home. Rick is getting married tomorrow and that’s it. I can’t say if we were ever compatible, but I know that we have feelings for each other that we should have given ourselves the chance to explore. After tomorrow it’s never going to happen. After everything, the amount of times I felt as if I was pushed back to Rick, I feel like I’m going to be losing something important to me if this marriage goes ahead tomorrow. But I’m not someone to ruin things for others. I remember Ashley who I employed as my wedding whisperer to stop marriages from getting cancelled at the last minute because of my reputation and the money that the couple would lose if they cancelled.

I’m not about to be the one who is the cause of Christine and Rick losing a lot of hard earned money because I get in the way. Besides, there’s two people involved. It’s not just my decision to step in and tell him how I feel. He needs to make the decision from his side too.

My inner voice rises up with it’s usual wisdom, yes, but usually someone’s got to take the first step. If he doesn’t and you don’t then that’s it. Are you going to leave it up to him?

I answer my inner voice, I wish you would make up your mind. Are you with me or against me? You always go against me.

At least I help you consider the options…

And consequences, I add.

I specifically didn’t want to go back to work with Lara until after the wedding because I was afraid I would do something that would make her fire me again. And I’m pretty sure that if she fires me a second time, there’ll be no going back. I don’t want to take the chance that I’ll screw up again. I need this job and she needs the help.

My inner voice is full of wisdom this morning. Is that really why you didn’t want to go back to work until after the wedding? Or is it because if you do ruin the wedding, she can’t fire you? Why has she rehired you?

I don’t answer my inner voice but the questions it’s asking make me think it maybe knows me better than I know myself. Of course it does.

I push away the thoughts. That way lies disaster and a path of destruction I don’t want to be responsible for.

As I finish my breakfast with strong black coffee, Amber stumbles into the kitchen. She looks like hell. I help her take a seat and cook up a storm for her quickly. Soon she’s feeling better, so much better that she can tell I have something on my mind.

“What’s up?” she asks. “You just got your job back last night. You should be celebrating all weekend.”

I smile but say nothing.

“C’mon. Talk to me,” Amber says.

I study her messy red hair and her blue eyes that still look like roadmaps.

“Rick’s wedding is tomorrow,” I say at last.

“Oh,” Amber says. “I get it.”

“I’m just being silly,” I say.

“Why?”

“We’ve never even had one date, Amber. I’ve just always had a feeling, an attraction to him. Maybe it’s just a silly crush.”

“Maybe,” Amber says nonchalantly. “Maybe not.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.

“Maybe it’s not just a crush. Look how you and him keep running into each other. It might just be coincidence but I don’t believe it. From all the coincidences you’ve told me about, I think there are just too many to be coincidental. Maybe you’re meant to be.”

“Who knows? I can’t waltz in there tomorrow and pull a wedding apart. That’s just low.”

“Do you believe in love at first sight?”

“Of course I do!” I reply. “I’ve seen so many couples that have attested to it.”

Amber nods. “So you believe in it as long as it happens to anyone else but you?”

“I didn’t say that,” I say defensively.

“You didn’t have to. It’s pretty obvious. Why don’t you just go to the wedding and see what happens. Maybe just being there will be enough to make Rick change his mind then you don’t have to feel shitty about yourself for ruining the wedding. Otherwise you might just get closure on whatever you want to call this.”

“If Rick sees me and doesn’t go through with the wedding it’d still be my fault just for being there,” I say.

“Maybe, but at least you won’t have to feel as shitty as you would if you objected to the wedding.”

“You really think I’d do that?” I ask.

Amber smiles. “No. Not really. But I’m just putting ideas out there you know…” Amber says.

I narrow my eyes. “You’re a little troll, you know that?”

“A good troll, I hope,” she smiles.

“Whatever. I’m not going to waltz in there and object to the wedding.”

“Suit yourself,” Amber shrugs as she gets up from her breakfast stool and opens the fridge to get some milk. Dane enters the kitchen and when she closes the door, he’s standing behind it.

“Oh my God!” she exclaims and he laughs at the shock he’s given her. She barely manages to deposit the milk carton on the counter before he lifts her up and kisses her. He makes it look so easy with his strength. I’m immediately envious and look away.

He finally sets her down and sets about making his own breakfast.

“Wow, you got yourself a guy that cooks?” I whisper.

“I heard that,” Dane says and looks over his shoulder smiling.

“Sorry,” I say blushing.

“Don’t be. I’m proud of him,” Amber says.

“I would be too,” I say.

‘Well, if you go and get Rick tomorrow you might just snag yourself a man who can cook. Otherwise, you can train him.”

“You are incorrigible,” I say to Amber as I give her a fake glare. I finish my breakfast and leave my plates in the sink. Then I go and take a long, hot shower and spend some time in my room thinking of Rick.

I’m too decent to make a scene and try to win some other woman’s man. Especially at the altar. But I decide that I will go to the wedding the next day. I’ll arrive late and sit in the back where I can’t be seen. That way there’s very little chance that I can cause any damage.

If nothing else I’ll have closure. I hope.

Even though my mind is made up I hope beyond hope for the rest of the day that Rick will contact me and tell me they’re not getting married but the hours drift away and there’s no word from him. I feel the door closing on us and I must look at his number a million times on my phone. I think of calling and then messaging but I guess he’s with Christine. Besides, would calling him and ruining the wedding the day before the wedding be any better than ruining the wedding itself? Not really.

I put my phone down and go out. I take a walk and I read. I do anything I can to try and distract myself and finally go to bed as early as I can.