Cruel World novel Chapter 60

Chap 59

(THERAPIST OFFICE)

'So Sarah did you write those pointers that I told you?' Becca holds a pen and paper and asked that with a smile

Theo saw how nervously Sarah took the paper from her bag.

Sarah was not looking him ...like she was afraid and it was disturbing for theo

Becca unfolds the paper and reads it 'hmmm, interesting....ok follow this one by one. Theo according to Sarah...she hated the moment when you use to misjudge her not to give the chance to speak to clear her. Instead of doing that you hit her....so is it true or not and please explain if it is'

Theo flinched, he clear his throat 'yes it's true and I'm terribly sorry for those moments'

Becca looked at tense Sarah 'can you highlight some of those moments please'

Sarah closed her eyes like she doesn't want to go there and Theo felt helpless...he squeezed her hand that it's ok to expose his cruelty front of their therapist

Sarah sigh 'there were many... when I met my brother after so many years of my marriage ...he ...he confronted me so bad...even he felt bad after but it still leaves me in a bad mess but most painful were when he locked me in the basement room for days, with limited food.... I almost died (Sarah shiver with the thought) and when we went to Miami he beat me so bad that I was in a coma for days and I can't even speak for weeks' Sarah said with a painful deep voice

Theo grab his head ...he remember all...he remembers how bad he was...how he almost lost her ...he again feels hate and disgust for himself

Becca looked intently at Theo 'theo what you want to say on this'

Theo look so trouble and guilty 'I feel fucking guilty and wanted to kill myself the things I did with her.....she is right... I did all of these things....those time give me a sense of power and satisfaction but now I feel like shit....(he then looked at Sarah) I'm sorry baby...so so sorry...i did all this because (he looks so regretful and in shame) because Sarah was Simon sister..and it was a constant reminder for me that because of them I lost Tina, which i know I was wrong on that....so not giving Sarah chance to speak was my way to tell her that your brother didn't give a chance to my sister than why should I'

Sarah eye filled with tears and she looks away at how this thinking of Theo made her life so difficult

Theo continue 'But whenever I do such things especially when you were in the basement room starving and when I slapped you for meeting your brother was all wrong and blaming you for giving interview behind my back in Miami and with out listening to you I did (he was shameful to even say that aloud)....so wrong that it made me doubt myself more and disgusted at that time and I'm so sorry' Theo cant meet anyone eyes after disclosing this

Becca notes something on her pad 'ok...this was very important to accept your mistakes and you did great theo. I won't say that it justifies all but it clear some confusion isn't it Sarah?'

Sarah holds the water cup tightly and nodes 'some how....but listening it made me hurt more...that's why I don't want to come here....but you force me 'she accused theo

Theo pinched his nose and softly and tiredly reply 'im sorry you are hurt but you know it was important for you'

Even Becca also agree 'Sarah he is right... it's very important ....you look ok by appearance but mentally you are still disturbed... I need to get you out of this......and I don't think you should feel embarrassed about anything you said here because you know you were not wrong it was theo...even theo also agree with that.'

Both were quite than Becca raised another question 'ok next question....theo according to Sarah she always can understand your hate towards her because your thinking she was involved in tina death but she wants to know why you hated your daughter Ava....you were not there when she was born even knowing how difficult Sarah pregnancy was.....and after that you never properly looked at her...why is that so'

Theo felt uncomfortable 'i...i ...love my daughter so much...Sarah, you also know that...Ava is my life...

Sarah glared him 'i know that...you loved her now but I'm talking about those days when you hated that I was pregnant with your child. When she was born you still keep that hate for my baby' she snips

Theo looks down 'cause I don't want to get attached to her and any other thing that was related to you.....you only thing I hate you that time but I also feel so attracted and passionate towards you that it scared me that my plans to put you behind the bars will be compromised....so that why I keep this attitude...but I never hated her...i try to but still I cant....she was my flesh and blood how can I, even when you were gone she reminds me of you....and in order to forget you I was distant to her....but it didn't work out...as I fell so much in love with her' theo sadly smiled

Sarah looks a little stun 'you miss me that's why?'

Theo looks like her 'yes I do ...it was so frustrating... I mean it was all done...what I wanted for years finally come true when you were in prison but I was so burdened with something heavy and then you were all the time in my mind....i knew i was already in love with you but i never acknowledged that' theo meant every word

Becca analyze both of their behavior 'shall we move to next question...(after node form both of them) ok its last one ..so theo why you play with Sarah emotions and love when you guys were in Miami'

Sarah sucked air ..it was the most difficult thing to write ......she was deeply scarred by this when theo did that to her

Theo knew he has to be very clear about this but it will make him an unforgiving bastard 'I did that because I wanted to know how it felt to have an upper hand in love ...how you can manipulate someone that they fall for you so hard and tell everything about them self....i wanted to know that I will be same pain and inner destruction that a person feels when he knew that person never loved them '

Sarah gasped even Becca looked confused and stun...theo knew his word can cut fresh wounds deeply but he doesn't want to hide it anymore

Becca put the note and down 'Theo why I think its more than your sister death that mold you like that.....it looks like way before that when Tina was alive....like you suffered something bad and you want to hurt someone that bad too...am I right?'

Theo was quite...he doesn't want to answer, but he knew he has to .., the time has come...but he will look weak....but does it matter now....he is already weak as he hit Sarah for years to look strong.

Becca continue 'theo....is the reason behind your early anger management classes that you have taken...all those aggressive and violent teenagers fights you used to have....is that reason behind you still angry on something?'

Theo looks up and felt the gaze of Sarah...who was also desperate for his reply...come on theo speak...you can do it ...he slowly nodes 'yes, what you said it's all true....'

Becca said 'what is that thing theo' she slowly asked

Theo took the glass of water and took a sip ...he controls his breathing 'im....im...been molested when I was 13 ....it was my tutor' theo said with closed eyes and in a painful voice.

Sarah put hands on her mouth and gasped in shock.