Cruel World novel Chapter 66

Chap 65

Sarah

Sarah shut her car door and took off her sunglasses, straighten her skirts and felt conscious about her appearances as she was overdressed for the session but she was already late, so without any further delay she enters Becca office and waited for her

Becca enters her office and greets her 'Hi Sarah how are you.. (she give a look) you look good at this outfit'

Sarah nervously laughed 'i know I'm overdressed but today we had a big conference that we need to attend ..it was a long drive to another state and since my father in law joined the business again it was basically for his honor to make him know whats happening...so I was really busy at that' she starts babbling

It was true after more than a month ago...Mr Grey was really in a good health and he wanted to join business again...when Sarah told him to rest.

His answer was that he really need to get out of this house and do something productive.....it was clear how much he miss Theo but he never show it and never ask about it and same goes for Sarah who was waiting every minute when theo will come back

Becca nodes 'well then you should take a rest...why you came here directly. I can understand you know'

Sarah blinked and came back from her trance ', yeah but I have already lost the previous session so I don't want to lose this one'

Becca casually walks to another table where coffee was placed and hold two cups and give one to sarah 'im happy that you took these sessions seriously and yes we lost I guess two sessions if I remember you got really sick isn't it...'

Sarah shake her head 'it was so bad...i got it from Ava she had eat something bad that led her to throw up for days ...i was worried she got food poising but luckily it was not that worse but then I picked the virus from her and you know rest'

Becca nodes 'i hope you checked the doctor'

Sarah smiles 'thanks for asking. I did actually....she said it was a normal virus...she did some test and hopefully I will get this week'

Becca nodes and observe Sarah keenly.

Becca, she said seriously 'Sarah why you here....what you want to talk about'

Sarah blushed was she that obvious she play with her hand 'you know why I'm here to, talk'

Becca smiled 'and we talk a lot...we have been doing that a lot after theo departure and I'm impressed how you open up more, you share your fears and insecurities more in details that's what I wanted and most of your fears are gone...but some are still holding you back isn't it, so tell me what you want to know'

Sarah winced, she has been getting better and she can feel herself but she has been restless for more than a month.

Sarah openly said aloud 'i want to know about theo...what he is doing..why he is still not contacted me....is he ok?' she was so concerned that it made her look so pale

Becca sighs 'so that what you want to know...you know its two-month therapy theo has gone to and it's only a month..'

Sarah lost it 'no I want to know something which I don't know...he is gone and I don't have any contact with him, his daughter keep on asking me where is daddy is his father don't say a word but his eyes are always looking at the door for his son and me...(she suddenly feel too emotional) me. I feel so alone and worried about him all the time... I know it's a prison for him and I live in one which was not good...so please tell me is he okay'

Becca's eyes become sympathetic 'Sarah....(she look down) ok I will tell you... I have been contacted with rehab to know how theo is doing...honestly speaking he is not that good...he has been there where he has to deal with some tough exerciser that checks his tolerance level ...his guilt and grieve consulting....which he lost it quite a time .....he also signed to kill the habit of smoking which is also not helping him ..so he had some episodes...he is better than starting days but still he is recovering...he talk lot...mostly about you and his sister Tina looks like he needed a deep grieve consoling too..but he doesn't want to write any letter to you guys as according to him he wants you to find him changed man when he comes back, not like this'

Sarah's eyes were not blinking and drops of water start falling...she gasped the armchair....she felt her tears and wiped them 'sorry it was little overwhelming....thank you for telling me'

but inside it was killing her...when she heard how theo is surviving

Becca note down something 'but why Sarah, you have been in the worst situation then theo...so why you feel bad for him..why you miss him.'

Sarah looked her like it was obvious 'because I don't want anyone to go through this pain..i have been too....in the past few months we have been ...(she don't know how to say this) we have been friends...so I miss him' she sounds unsure what she really want to say

Becca give her a knowing look 'i can see that how much you miss him...but the thing he has done with you made you forget everything or let me rephrase will you ever forgive him for the things he did to you...will you ever love him ...again?'

Sarah was uncomfortable with this change of topic. They never talk on this before not even when Theo was here

Sarah was quite then Sarah looked her 'i will never forget what he did to me. I just can't but forgiveness....forgiveness is something which is earned and now I don't know what you think of me but I think he earned it and I'm willing to forgive him and maybe move on someday....'

Becca gaze doesn't leave Sarah 'what about love...can you ever let your fear go away completely and confess your love for him?"

Sarah took a deep breath, she rubbed her temples 'why we are having this intense talk' she tries to avoid this question

Becca shrugs 'well you know it was coming so why not now'

Sarah looked lost ...she was gone to those moments when she was stupid enough to confess her love to theo when all the time he was planning to use her make fun of her love and feelings....she can't take that pain again but things have changed isn't it? Then why she can't let go those feelings.

Becca left her chair and sit down with Sarah and touch her shoulder 'Sarah just let it out... I can see in your eyes the millions of emotions that you have stored....those pain that still hurt you....just let it out'

Sarah holds Becca hand...like she needs her to understand 'i don't know...i just become speechless when I try to say something about love... I knew it by heart what I feel but I can never say it aloud like something was stopping me to say it. When I stupidly confess my love to him before you know what he did to me ...it hurt me more than the physical pain. I just can't put myself there, please tell me what should I do' her eyes were totally filled with water and confusion

Becca kindly touch her hair 'sarah that's what I want you to do...to speak..to tell what you hesitant to do..what makes you angry or happy....can I tell you something?' Rebecca softly asked her

Sarah nodes keenly but Becca looks away 'i don't know how to say this but theo really don't need to go to rehab...he was already controlled and sober in his situation..he was fit to be here'

Becca stopped when she saw Sarah shocked expression 'what? why..why would you do that'

Becca replied 'because when I said that I was disgusted with the things he did to you. I only give him chance to see his regret and chance to change himself and most importantly checked him is he dangerous for you or not. Sarah, I just took your case because I wanted to save you... I got many millions of married couple coming to me to save their marriage but most of the time I try to save individuals first. I try to check their mindset. I told thousands of women to run away from their husbands when I see no improvement in their male counterpart but when I saw how Theo was changing how he was accepting things. How he was willing to do anything to help you to become a strong woman, give me hope for you guys,

Becca hold sarah hand to make her focus what she will say next

'But to check for the final time i told theo about this rehab and when he agreed so easily and now when I get to know about his determination to change for you...made me openly say that Sarah...he is a changed man and yes he deserves to be given a second chance. But I have no say in this only you because you know better in this situation, you know Theo at his best and worst now it's your decision to make an I will help you no matter what's your decision is'

Becca said confidently that made Sarah totally lost into her own inner hidden answers

She put her hand in her chest and felt rapid beating sound of her heart.

Sarah wets her lips and said 'Becca..

Becca nodes her to continue. Sarah opens her mouth ...'.i......I love him .....i think i love him more now' she finally said it

Becca smiled and squeezed her shoulder 'i knew the moment he was left....just waited for you to say it'

After the session was over...sarah felt a weird and light feeling like she is free from everything that was stored in her heart...she said it all..she don't care what happens next all she knows she is confident enough to face her fears now.

Becca gives Sarah a card 'this is my personal number. I will be away from the city..so you won't find me on next session but I have a feeling we are quite done here.....but you can call me if you felt you need to tell something else that bothers you a lot don't keep it inside you.'

Sarah took the card and hugged him 'thank you Becca...thank you so much'

Becca salute her 'that's my job girl'

Sarah confidently walked to the car...and smiled when she sees herself in the car mirror

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Theo

He rubbed his five o clock shadow...damn he really needs to shave but this white room is killing him....although it's a room with some necessary stuff but he feel like its suffocating him..he remember when he put Sarah in the basement room just like this one how she was begging him and how he landed her in jail. He totally and immiscible get the feeling what Sarah had felt.

He cursed softly...it's his timeout session ....which he get when he lost his temper during intense work out and aggression class....he doesn't want to yell...he doesn't want to punch the punching bag ...but the fucking instructor yelled in his eras to do it...and he did it quite well but at the same time call the instructor to be a sadist bastard and other abusive words...so this is his time out... in the cold white room...where he has to write why he got angry at what he felt when he was provoked....it was less intense than in the initial days but-but was still there.

when he doesn't want to write anymore...he lay down on the bed and think about Sarah and Ava. That's one of his thing here, he opens the draw an took out the picture of Sarah and his beautiful daughter Ava...he smiled when he saw how Ava was full of life in this picture and how Sarah smiled shyly at the camera, they are beautiful inside out.

Another flash came when he recalls that Sarah uses to take out the picture of her family when she was punished bad or when she was too sad....like he is.....god this is a pure torture he is in but he deserves this. He needs to get better

Then he heard the door open...about fucking time...he saw the man wearing, of course, white uniform...'Mr. Theo its time for your grieve consulting'

Theo groaned in irritation...he hates it. God how much he hates it.....they all ask him about tina...and damn it ..it put a dagger in his heart when he tells how he let down his sister...according to them, he needs this more than other things.

He tiredly stands and follows the bulky man. Another fucking torture waiting for him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After a week ago

Sarah

'And that was the end of the story' Sarah closed the book and kissed Ava forehead

Ava did not say anything..Which was quite unusual...?

'Hey baby what's wrong why you so quite' Sarah softly asked

Ava slowly said 'i miss daddy....tell him I don't like this game... I want him back'

Sarah heartbreak for her she hugged her 'Ava I miss daddy too and he misses you also but it's a game and now you are sad so you know what daddy said..if you are sad then he will come late..so come on a smile and I will tell you when daddy is coming'

Ava eyes shine 'when...when mama when'

Sarah pulled the blanket 'in very few weeks...hardly 15 days'

Ava looked confused what it was good enough for her to smiled

When she was asleep...Sarah walked to her bedroom and suddenly wanted the presence of theo...this room makes her feel more alone and depressed...she decided to send some emails to the clients ..it will keep her mind busy

She starts sending emails when she saw her inbox was filled with some message from banks. From the website she never knows and from the hospital...then it clicks 'oh the result of the report of the test' she said to her said

She casually opens the report,

she knew it before what doctor said it was a normal virus..she checked her vitals were normal even her sugar and blood too but then she saw the sign positive ..then she looked deeply ..and then he lost all the color from her face

'Fuck' she cursed

'Oh my god...no no...no' she touches her head

The report clearly said....she is two months PREGNANT...

She feels her body to be shaking...oh god, she can see the flashback when she gets to know she was pregnant with Ava....how she was treated...how she almost lost her

She stands and tries to control her beating 'its ok..sarah its ok ' she consoles herself

She starts looking for the phone she opens her draw but couldn't find it...she runs to the closet and looks for her purse and hurriedly opens her bag and took it out and then she dialed the number

she waited like 10 secs but felt like an hour.

'Hello...Sarah..are you ok' Becca sleepy voice sound alert

Sarah holds the phone tight 'Becca...Becca..im...i just...find..oh god..i...email...i..' she was panicking

Becca tries to calm her 'ok ok sarah...im here...just listen to me... ok...just do what I'm telling you....go and sit somewhere else'

Sarah hands very shaking 'ok...but how you know'

Becca replied 'because I can hear the shiver in your voice...ok now take a deep breath and count 1 to 10 backward....'

Sarah did exactly and after a minute her breathing was control.

Becca softly asked 'are you ok? ....ok now tell me whats wrong....are you in trouble' she sounded worried

Sarah shook her head 'no...yes... I mean I don't know...i just found the email'

Becca was patient 'ok what that email said and who its from'

Sarah snips 'its from my doctor ....you remember I was sick....but I'm ok'

Becca replied 'so whats wrong..is AVa?'

Sarah immediately replied 'no no..she is fine...good..its report said I'm...I'm pregnant' she cried

Becca was silent for a moment and Sarah can feel her anxiety attack again

Becca then said 'ok...ok Sarah...just relax...and tell me why you are panicking...its a good news isn't it?"

Sarah closes her eyes 'how can you say that you know everything...'

Becca replied 'yes and I also know theo and your relationship is quite changed...this news is surprised but what you expect to have sex and not use protection it was quite obvious..and secondly Sarah if you can have a baby when your relationship with theo was toxic and so dangerous then why not now...as things are much better place' she quietly try to calm Sarah inner storm

Sarah felt her shiver to be reducing..she digest Becca words....yeah why she is reacting like that

Becca said 'Sarah are you still there'

Sarah gulped 'yes ...yes I'm here. I'm sorry I called you at this time' she distractedly said

Becca replied 'no problem I'm happy you called...so tell me why you react like that'

Sarah thinks about it and honestly replied 'it was so sudden I just had the flashback when I was expecting Ava...and it made me react like this.....I'm so sensitive. I don't know whats wrong with me' she got angry with herself

Becca then said 'Sarah just put your hand in your stomach'

Sarah replied 'what?'

Becca push her 'just do it please'

Sarah slowly touches her stomach and felt the tingling feeling

Becca continue 'now close your eyes...and imagine a little life is growing in your tummy..who will be in your arm in few months....you will hold it and cherish it like you did with Ava.....you will learn it from the past and try to make things better and this time you know your baby father will be there ...will be loved him or her...and will support you fully'

Sarah wiped like a small baby....she just feel it all.....a moment ago she wanted this news to be false and now she felt such immense love for this baby....like her heart is growing more for this baby.....she softly said 'i did feel all this Becca'

Becca sigh 'good that good Sarah....you loved this child no matter how big your issues and fears are...you will always be a good mother'

Sarah wiped her tears 'thank you...thank you so much.'

Becca replied 'hey mommy its ok...now just sleep and take a rest. I will call you first thing in the morning'

After the goodbye, Sarah aimless laid on the bed. She rubbed her stomach and for the first time felt not alone after Theo, tears fall down but her mouth was smiling 'hey little one.....just so you know your mama and daddy are little crazy(she laughed) but none the less I love you so much...so so much..sorry for my little break down.' she whispered

Now she is more desperate for Theo arrival...she can't wait to share this news...he will be happy? she thought then she recalls all the moment of Theo and Ava and she gets relax yes he will be so happy

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

'hows my daughter' Mr grey kissed Sarah head ....he just comes back from office..he was better but used the stick to walk

Sarah smiled 'i fine... I was waiting for you to go with me but I think you were busy in some conference call'

Mr grey nodes 'oh yes I was ...it was tom...he some associates interested in business dealing...you know how I'm back to business so I lack some practice to handle multiple tasks' he winked

Sarah laughed 'no you are still so energetic and what I'm here for....you can always take my hold'

Mr grey smiled 'im already taking your so much time in office..you have to look after all theo clients and meeting and helped me to settle down too...I'm so grateful for you...so grateful' his gentle eyes praised Sarah

Sarah kissed his cheeks 'that's what daughters are for..to help their father ...'

Mr Grey then asked 'so when he is coming;' his tone changed

Sarah was tense..it after a long time he asked 'theo? (when Mr grey node) in this weekend'

Mr grey eyes become serious 'does he contacted you' he tries to sound aloof but Sarah can detect the concern too

Sarah can see how much Mr grey missed his son..but he will never admit because of her

Sarah shook her head 'no..he didn't'

Mr Grey look away 'so he is serious this time'

Sarah quietly nodes

Mr grey was lost in his thoughts 'good for him'

Sarah can't see him like that 'daddy you can forgive him ....clearly you both are hurting'

Mr grey turned his eyes with anger ' no you were hurting and for so many years...but what we do ...let you burned in that hatred... I also didn't help you..... I knew something was off ...something was odd but I can't put 2 plus 2 together and then that happens.... I hate him

Sarah flinched and holds his hand 'please don't say that...please it will kill him. If I'm trying to forgive him..please you also do that, please. He never said anything like you but I know you guys love each other so much so please don't bring the hate'

Mr grey eyes also filled with tears 'you are too good for this world....especially for my son...we don't deserve an angel like you....how can you forgive him after all this time'

Sarah then replied 'because I can't live with this pain and I realized it can be gone if I start forgiving him. It's taking some time but I know I will forgive one day completely and this change of heart only because if him only because he found to change me for good....he helped me so much so I'm going to try '

Sarah didn't tell Mr. grey about her pregnancy as she is waited for Theo to come home few more days....she already checked the doctor and she gives thumb up ...she is very optimistic about this baby that will bring great changes in her life

Then she heard her cell phone was ringing...she picked the phone without checking 'hello...sarah grey speaking'

'Sarah it's me Theo' Sarah almost drop the phone

She replied with shocked 'theo? theo you called'

She can hear his deep voice 'im coming home Sarah...actually is On the way...they released me soon... I took the taxi...i just can't wait to be home....'

Sarah gasped 'you are coming?...oh god you are coming' she smiled

Theo also replied 'yes baby... I just can't control it and called you first but what is this(theo talk to someone) hey watch out...they pull the brake'

But then she heard the loud smashing sound...'Hello theo...hello' she was scared what the sound was

She can hear the loud scream sound of someone 'theo ...theo talk to me' she yelled his name

She was hysterically calling his name 'THEO...THEO...TALK TO ME'

Mr grey might have heard her shouting 'what happen Sarah'

Sarah run to him and give him the mobile 'it was theo...he was coming..but

Mr Grey said 'shh shh calm down...what happens to theo' he sounds worried sick too

Sarah shake her head 'i don't know he was telling me he is coming home...then i ...(she wiped her tears) then i heard a loud smash sound...like something was hit...' she holds Mr grey in order not to fall down

Mr grey lost all color..he took the mobile and also called Theo name

Then he said 'Theo....who are you....what....where....I'm his father just tell me......no...no' Mr grey start shaking

Sarah felt lightheaded...she holds Mr grey 'daddy what happens...what happen' she shouted

Mr grey looked shocked 'theo had an accident.....they have taken to the main city hospital'

Sarah falls down on the floor......Theo? but he was talking to her a moment ago,.....oh god...oh god...no...no...please don't do this...please...she then screamed 'no no don't do this to me ..to my children..please'

Mr. Grey come back from his trance and try to control Sarah body....'he will be ok Sarah he will be. I'm going to the hospital...don't worry'

Sarah tightly hold his arm 'no please take me with you please...please' she was crying badly

Mr. Grey can't say no and nodes to her.