Forbidden Heat novel Chapter 106

I sat there stunned. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know how to react. If Edward is really the one who saved me and my first love. How does that change how I feel about Lucien and Edward? I was completely lost in my thoughts. I was so confused…

“So…was that enough proof for you?” Edward asked as he hugged my waist and laid his head on my lap. The way he peeked up at me reminded me of a playful cat.

“Sorry, I don’t quite know what to think or how to react right now…” I told him how I honestly felt.

“It’s ok. It is a lot to take in after all. What you’ve believed to be true for ten years was suddenly voided,” Edward replied sympathetically.

“Yeah…” I replied blankly. My mind was too busy sorting out my feelings.

“You seem tired. Want to hold on to your other two questions for now? You can always ask me later…” Edward suggested. His head felt warm and comforting in my lap.

We stayed like that in silent as the stars watched us from above. I looked up to stare at the shining stars and wondered if they could feel pain and frustration like I can. What changes now that I know that Edward is my first love and not Lucien? Does knowing that Edward saved me instead of Lucien really make me love Lucien less? Do I love Edward now just because he’s my first love? Are my feelings really that simple? I don’t believe so…

What should I do from now on? Just as I had dreaded, another chunk of the foundation of my life had disintegrated from right under my feet. First, Lucien told me that he never loved my mother, and their marriage was just for convenience. Now, Edward had just revealed that he is my first love instead of Lucien and that I pretty much had the wrong guy for ten years.

“Can I use my second question now?” I asked Edward as I settled on my second question.

“Sure…but it’s getting cold out here. Let’s go inside,” Edward replied as he lifted his head from my lap and got up. He offered his hand to me, and I took it.

…

“You must be stressed out at least a little and it’s getting late. Why don’t you sleep over here?” Edward suggested as he took me into what must be a guest bedroom.

“But…” I started to protest weakly.

“I’ll let Lucien know. It’ll be alright. Just rest, ok?” Edward replied with a gentle smile.

We sat on the sofa next to each other and things got a little awkward. I didn’t know how to start with my second question.

“Edward, what should I do from now on?” I asked abruptly.

“Is that you second question?” Edward asked in disbelief.

“Yes…is it a weird thing to ask?” I inquired as I cocked my head to the side slightly.

“Well, the question you just asked doesn’t have a true or false and is purely based on my opinion. Are you ok with that?” Edward asked. Honestly, I hadn’t considered that.

“It’s fine. Just answer my question with what you honestly think,” I said as I nodded.

“What I think you should do? Honestly, I don’t think you have to do anything in particular. I wanted you to know the truth about who saved you and your first love because I didn’t want you to continue basing your actions on false information and misunderstandings. That’s it. I personally don’t think the concept of ‘First Love’ is as important as what is going on in your life at the present, Edward paused.

“Let me be more specific. So, now you know that Lucien isn’t your first love. So what? That doesn’t necessarily mean that the love you feel for him is wrong or should disappear. You shouldn’t stop loving him just because he isn’t your first love but whether you should continue to love him or not depends on the present. Same goes for my case. Should you fall madly in love with me suddenly just because you found out that I was your first love from ten years ago?” Edward paused as he winked at me.

“Of course not, right? That’s just too dumb. I didn’t expect you to fall in love with me when you found out. If you fall in love with me or someone, I hope it’s because you love them in the present and you see a promising future with them,” Edward said with a genuine smile.

“So, what should I do? I shouldn’t do anything?” I asked. I understood his way of thinking but how do I proceed forward from here?

“Simple. What you need to do is focus on what is best for you and your future. Be smart and start thinking about yourself more. Choose what is in your present that you think will lead you to the best future possible. The past doesn’t need to influence our present and future, we can choose not to let it intervene. This is my answer for you. However, this doesn’t need to be your answer,” Edward said with conviction as he lightly patted the top of my head.

If I leave things the way they are, will things naturally unfold? How can I tell what in the present will lead to the best future for me? What was the future that I ultimately wanted for myself? These questions are just crashing on me like tsunami waves, and they were making me feel so small and helpless.

“If you were me, what would you choose in this present that would lead to the best future?” I asked Edward as I peered over at his emotionless face.

--To be continued...