Life After the Storm novel Chapter 60

IVAN'S POV

I can't stay here. I need to get out of here, the smell of my mate's blood is overwhelming me. I couldn't have hurt her. She has to be lying. I am not a monster or am I did I torture my mate. Why can't I remember what the fuck has happened? I need to get out of here. My head is full of confusion. 

I then began to think, what have I done to my mate. I'm so confused and uncertain about what has taken place. I don't remember ever even meeting her. But when I looked into her eyes, all I could see was her fear of me. I need to get out of here, I can't face her right now. I need to figure all this out. So, I decide not to tell her anything and leave while she is in the shower. I try to be quiet as I open the door and walk out of the bedroom.

I shift into my wolf once I get outside. I feel so much anger and pain, but I am uncertain why I even feel this way. I try to remember anything, but it's like I can't think. My mind is like a fog. Nothing is really coming back to me, and I need to figure out what all the hell has happened to me.

As I'm running my territory, it looks different, like we were under some attack, but I don't recall anything happening. I need to see my father, he will tell what the fuck is going on. I rush to where my father and mother live, when I approach there, house there are no lights. I go and begin knocking frantically, trying to wake them, but no one comes to the door. I become worried, wondering why they are not answering. It almost seems like the world I knew isn't the world I am in.

As I start frantically looking in every which direction, trying to figure out where they have gone. That's when I fall to the ground and begin to roll. I go into defense mode to find it's my brother, Sam. I am so relieved to see him that I shift back to my human and put my arms around his neck and hug him.

Sam pushes me off of him, “dude what the fuck you're naked and hugging me.”

“I am just so glad to see you. Where are our parents? What has happened to our territory?”

“You do not remember what all has happened.”

“No I don't. I woke up next to my mate, not even knowing her but perceiving she is terrified of me. I'm not even sure what I did to make her so scared.”

“Oh brother, I'm not sure if you want to remember the pain that you have caused her.”

I don't know what to say to him. How could I not remember being so cruel to the one that I am supposed to love? I don't remember any of it, or even how we met  before tonight. Will I ever be able to get my mate not to fear me? I begin to wonder if she did not want me, then why would she mark me as hers?

“Sam, I need you to take me to father, please, I'm not remembering where Father and mother are staying.”

“They stay at the same place. All the lights are off because they are not. Here, they went to try to make peace with another pack To try to strengthen ours.”

“How do I not remember any of this? What the fuck has made me forget everything?”

Sam looks at me with relief on his face. I wonder why he feels so relieved with me not remembering all that I have done. “Brother, sometimes it's better off not remembering the horrible things that you have done. Maybe this could be a fresh start to being good.”

“Sam, I need to know everything that I have done no matter how bad it is. I need to know every detail.”

“Ivan, I think it's better for you not to remember.”

“Sam, how am I supposed to figure anything out if I'm not even sure what is happening.”

“I'm not sure how you lost your memory, but this could be a good thing, an opportunity to try to make it up to your pack and your mate for all the wrong you have done to them.”

“So what, I have been such a horrible Alpha and mate that I need to make up for it.”

“That is, to say the least. You have been a bastard to everyone, even to our parents. You have been torturing your mate to the point where you almost killed her not once, but several times.”

“You're lying, I wouldn't do that.”

“Oh, but you did, brother. You even killed your own child just so you could mark her as yours.”

“What the fuck no I'm not monster. How did all this happen and I don't remember any of it.”

“Come on Ivan, really, you're going to use the excuse that you don't remember all the horrible things that you have done.”

“Sam, I'm not pretending. I swear to you, I'm telling you the truth.”

“I don't know what you want me to say. There isn't any good you have done.”

“I woke up marked and confessed, not remembering anything but smelling the fear radiating off of my mate.”

“She has reason to fear you, fine if you want to know all that you have done. Come with me and I will tell you everything you want to know.”

“Thank you, Sam.”