Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 76

Disaster

- a sudden or great misfortune or failure

Origin: Middle French and Old Latin

76

On cliché situations, women would be in tears cos of extreme happiness. I mean, seeing your boyfriend kneeling before you asking you to marry him. Any girl's dream. Women would be gasping and would totally cry all out.

But I'm not crying cos of the reason that I'm happy cos he's asking me to marry him, I'm crying cos I pity Damon even more now that he asked me about marriage and I feel bad for what I've done. We didn't talk about this before. He didn't give me any hint to marry him. As I summer town my scattered thoughts, I reckoned that I had sex with Nick behind Damon's back, it just makes me even foolish.

I don't wanna marry you Damon.

I took a deep breath in as I wipe my tears. Seeing Damon kneeling before me. Seeing this man who loves me so much asking for my hand but I'm thinking about breaking up with him tonight cos I want to be with the man who always leaves me behind.

I stare at Damon looking up to me, waiting for my reply. He's waiting and he's wanting for me to say yes. I stare at everyone around us and all eyes were on me. All eyes were on us. I look back at Damon with his handsome smile.

Why do I couldn't love you the way you love me Damon?

"Yes." I say weakly.

Damon quickly pulled himself up and hugged me. I don't want to marry him but I only said that cos I pity him. In front of all these people, I don't want Damon to get embarrassed. He prepared a lot of things for me, he bought me this lovely dress, he set up this magnificent dinner date and he spent a short vacation with me cos I told him I needed it. Plus I don't want to look like a bad girlfriend in front of these people. Damon spent too much for one night. Even if I pay him everything he paid for, it wouldn't be enough cos he loves me so much and I couldn't pay him back that.

"I love you so much." He grabbed both of my cheeks and kissed me briefly.

"I... I love you too."

Later that night, Damon had fallen asleep on the bed after we had sex. I slipped myself out from the bed grabbed something to cover my naked body. I stand on our room's balcony, hugging myself with my long sweater as I look out to the resort's view at night with a glass of whiskey on my hand. I sigh heavily as I think deeply about Nick and the fact that I said yes to Damon asking me for marriage. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have said yes.

This vacation should help me on not thinking about Nick but I always end up thinking about him and those words he said to me. I'm still hoping we'll get back together someday but how is it gonna happen when he's already married and I'm already engaged.

I pour myself another glass of whiskey as I try to simmer down my own thoughts and what just happened a while ago. I know I should stop thinking about Nick because I have Damon with me and I've been happy with Damon lately but now that Nick shows up again, I'm letting him invade my space once more. I'm letting him break down my walls that's already cracked.

I thought I've had enough about all those pain and betrayal that Nick caused me. I thought I've learned my lesson from what he has done. I thought I won't let him hurt me again. I thought that would be the last time I would fall for Nick and anything he tells me. I thought I've moved on, but why am I still running back to him after all these years?

"He's married Savannah." I tell myself.

I take a quick drink. "He's fucking married. Don't you get that?"

I sigh inwardly. "And you're already engaged."

I take a long drink from my glass.

"Don't tell me you'll wait for him again? Don't you think you've done enough for Nick? Don't you pity yourself?" I asked.

I pulled my phone out and stared at my home screen wallpaper, a photo of me and Damon taken from weeks ago. I love Damon. I do love Damon, I know I love Damon but I love Nick more than him and I don't know why I'm being too unfair to Damon. Damon has been there for me. Why can't I just love him much as I loved Nick?

I scanned through my directory, I searched through Nick's name on it. I stared at his old number that I never deleted cos I was hoping he would call. Despite the things he did, I'm still waiting for him to call me. How pathetic is that, right? I'm sure he changed it now. It's been so long since I texted him and he tried to reach me.

I feel so desperate to hear Nick's voice and just talk to him. Blame the drinks I had on my hand for making me do this.

Calling Nick...

Slowly I pulled it close to my ear and to my surprise it was ringing. I'm listening to his phone ringing. He's still using the same number. He didn't change it. But I quickly ended the call before he could answer it. I exhaled heavily and thought to myself how stupid I am to still do this behind Damon's back. I started massaging my temples before taking a long drink from my glass.

All of a sudden, I feel my phone vibrating on my hand. I take a look at it and the longer I stare at it, my heart feels like leaping out of the balcony.

Nick calling...

I gulped.

I let it ring for a while cos I loved seeing Nick's name appearing on my phone again that he's calling me after so many years. I finally caved in, biting my lower lip.

"Hello." He speaks.

For the first time in a very long time, he tried to call me. Hearing his groggy manly voice makes my heart flutter.

"Savannah." He calls out my name.

I smile sheepishly. I feel like I was in high school again hearing him call out my name over the phone.

"You called. Why?" He asked.

His voice sounded as if I woke him up. I could imagine him with messy hair while he's rubbing his eyes as he holds his phone near his ear. I could imagine him with nothing on himself on top of a bed. God, what a view would that be.

"Savannah?" He calls out my name again.

"Nick." I whisperingly say.

"You didn't come to work today." He says to me.

My brows furrowed. "How.."

I cleared my throat. "How did you know?"

"I know what runs around in the company Savannah. The manager said you left her an email that you're on a vacation." He says.

I remained silent.

"Why? Where are you?" He asked right away.

"Far from everything. I need to get away from people related to what happened to us."

He sighs.

Both of us remained silent.

"Well..." He speaks. "Your manager is mad at you for leaving a note on short notice. But don't worry, I handled it a while ago."

I nod. "Thanks."

"You can come back anytime you want. But don't be gone for too long." He says.

I didn't answer him.

"Cos I'll miss you." He adds.

I bite my lower lip.

"I still love you Nick." I blurted out.

Curse this whiskey on my hand for making me tell the truth but I don't really give a damn anymore. I don't care about what I'm going to say to him cos he knows I still love him and I'm sure he can still feel it after what happened to us the other night.

"That night when we did it, I know we still love each other Nick. I tried so hard to force myself that I'm over you, but after all these years I always end up thinking about you." I added.

I sigh heavily but he's just listening to me. "I always end up missing you. I always end up loving you even more."

He sighs.

"But it's different now. We're grown-ups. We're adults. We're not those college kids who used to just fuck around cos we're horny as hell." I laugh humorlessly. "You're married and I've found a man who loves me."

"But do you love him?" He asked.

I bite my lower lip hard as I feel my tears gathering while shaking my head sideways in response to Nick.

"Do you love him more than me, Savannah?" He asked again with a crooked voice.

"No." I answered.

I take a deep breath. "But Nick please don't make things hard for me."

"As much as I want to go back to the past to make it all right between you and me, I would. But you ruined it. And it's too late now. We can't change what has happened. And you asking me to wait for you, is not even certain for me. What if you'll leave me again? You always do that." I tell him.

"Savannah I promise you this will be the last time I ask you for this. One last time. Savannah please." He begs.

"Nick I've always waited for you, even when I knew there's nothing left to wait for. I still did." I choked a sob. "But all you ever did was leave me."

Both of us got quiet. Of course I want to be with him, but this time I'm choosing Damon. I'm choosing the right one that I know who's not gonna leave me.

"I'm happy to hear that you still love me Nick and you know I love you too. I'll always love you. But this time, I'm not waiting for you anymore." I hate to say it but I had to.

I choke a sob as I close my eyes shut.

"Savannah... Please." He begs.

I shake my head, I'm not giving in Nick. Not this time.

"Choose me instead. Please." He begs again.

I open my eyes as I see everything in a blur. My tears are gathering behind my lids and it's falling down, soaking my cheeks. "I wish you happiness with Dakota. I wish in time you'll learn to love her."

"I can't love anyone anymore if it's not you." He speaks.

I pressed my lips together as I bent my head down low. I don't want to get engage to Damon after hearing those words from Nick's lips but I have to do this for me. Maybe in future's time I will forget about Nick and have to start a family with Damon.

"Savannah?" Damon's voice called out.

I wiped my tears right away and ended my call with Nick. I feel two hands holding my arms and Damon turned me around to face him. He stares at me eagerly and I just wish he doesn't notice that I was crying.

"Why are you still up?" He asked.

"I... couldn't sleep." I say.

"Is there something wrong?"

I shake my head. "Nothing. I just couldn't sleep cos I still can't believe you asked me to marry you." I lied.

A smile lights up his face. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. "We'll be preparing everything together don't worry about it. I'll let you have your dream wedding."

It won't be a dream wedding if Nick isn't the groom.

I sigh inwardly and nodded.

•••••

When we got back home after our quick vacation in Bahamas, I stayed in my apartment the entire day. Damon went back to work and he said some things about planning the wedding within this week. He was so excited for it but I was still sulking when I think of how I said yes to Damon. I regretted the day I agreed to be married to him even though I know he's a nice guy, my happiness is still with Nick.

A ring came to my doorbell and cursed when I heard it cos I was too lazy to get out of the bed today. I cursed on my way to the door and once I opened it, I saw my entire family standing before me. Ingrid was smiling at me while Cameron was holding her shoulders. Mom and dad were standing side by side next to each other.

"Annie!" Ingrid chimes as she hugs my thighs and I kissed the top of her head.

Mom quickly hugged me when she saw me and I hugged her back briefly.

"I missed you my princess." She says.

"I missed you too mom."

I widened the door for them and they entered one by one. I followed them to the couch but I never dared to talk to dad nor made eye contact to him.

"What brings you all here?" I asked.

"Well.." mom trailed off.

"We.." she gazes at my dad. "..Thought that we could pay you a visit after what happened the other day."

I gaze at my dad and all of us went silent. I didn't want to talk about it because I'm still mad at my own dad.

"How about dinner outside?" Cameron quickly recovered for on the dead air we were all having.

"I just got home. I don't feel like going out." I say.

"Mom can cook!" Ingrid chimed.

Ugh, Ingrid is so innocent that my heart is breaking about the fact that she doesn't know what's happening.

I sigh as I gaze at my watch. 6:17PM

"I'll change." I say as I march my way to my room.

Once I was done, all of us headed out of my apartment and drove to the fancy restaurant that mom adores. All of us settled down the table while I was waiting for my fiancé to come and join us. I haven't told them about my engagement with Damon. I wanted to tell them with Damon here with me. It wasn't something I was happy and exited to tell them about anyways. Dad will be the only one happy to hear it.

"I'm sorry I'm late." Damon acknowledges his arrival as he exchanged cheek to cheek kiss with my mom and hugged my dad briefly then shakes hands with my brother.

He takes a seat next to me then he kissed my cheek briefly. "Hi." He says.

I smiled with tight lip. "Hello."

I moved closer to his ears, "I haven't told them about us. I was waiting for you. I wanted to tell them together."

He nods and smiles.

When the foods were served, dad, Cameron and Damon were all talking about work. I was sitting down on my chair quietly as I watch them. I wish they would be like this with Nick. I wish they entertained Nick this way years ago. I wish they were all nice to Nick. I wish Nick was here instead of Damon but he's not.

"Did you hear me Savannah?" Damon catches my attention.

"What were we talking about again?" I asked. "Sorry. I was zoning out."

Damon smiles at me. "I said we were going to say something to them."

I nod. "Oh yeah. We are."

I stared at my hands under the table with the huge ass diamond ring on my ring finger. I took a deep breath in and pulled my head back up to face them.

"Savannah and I.." Damon trails.

Mom covers her mouth and I think she's anticipating for Damon to say that I'm pregnant. Sorry mom. You're not having a grandchild yet.

"We're getting married." He says as he looks at me. I smiled ruefully and showed them my engagement ring.

Mom gasped and dad looked joyous as hell. Of course I expected how he'd take it. Cameron looks at me impassively and Ingrid didn't look happy about what she heard. I smiled at her.

"This causes a celebration!" Dad chimes happily.

Dad ordered a bottle of the most expensive wine in the restaurant and he was talking about how happy he is cos of our engagement. I think mom and Cameron noticed that I wasn't happy or I wasn't excited about it.

"When are you planning the wedding Savannah?" Dad asked me.

__________

SFTC:

I'm A Mess - Ed Sheeran