Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 90

Scarlet Letter

- A visible symbol of something you have done wrong and regretted, or a stigma of a past mistake you made that follows you

90

Dear Savannah,

Hello my beautiful! I was honestly excited on writing you my second letter and for some reason I think you loved my first one. Don't deny it, I know you did ;) It's been a month and I miss talking to you. Well, you didn't respond to my first letter so basically I'm the one doing the talking.

I smile.

How's Melissa? Have you received her first month present? I'm proud of those since I was the one who picked most of it. All of it, actually. I hope everything will fit her. To be honest I really had a hard time picking those since I don't know what's her size. I chose the cutest outfits I saw and I've googled some baby clothes for girls so I had a few ideas. I'm sorry for acting like a father to her, I just felt comfortable when I held her on my arms that day.

I stared at the baby clothes that he sent me and my hearts feels uplifted but my tears fills my eyes once again because I've been hiding everything from him. Oh Nick.

By the way I forgot to tell you, Dakota gave birth a month ago too. Forgot to mention it on my first letter, I didn't really consider it as an important matter to tell you but then I figured I might have to tell you eventually. Both of you delivered your babies five hours apart from each other but on the same day. Dakota had a girl too. Her name is Daniella Wilde, but we call her Dani. I wish you would get to meet her someday.

Our babies have similar birth dates? Now how coincidental was that. But, knowing the fact that Dani isn't Nick's baby and is carrying his surname makes me feel like I'm a worst mother. Our own child, his own blood and flesh, isn't carrying his surname. God, I really feel terrible every time I think about how much I've hid the truth from Nick and now I'm the one suffering.

I read a few more letters inside this locked bedroom while everything was still scattered around me. My eyes were already hurting but I couldn't put the letters away. It's like I'm reading a novel but a better love story. I didn't even notice that it was already four in the morning and forgot that Damon didn't seem to try come inside the room which was better. I don't care where he is actually, I just want him to stay away from me. I even forgot to take care of Melissa after her birthday party. I think she is already asleep and I think Damon had left the house again.

Dear Savannah,

Bonjour! Comment êtes-vou ma belle? I just said, hello! How are you my beautiful? I'm not sure that's how you spell it though. Sorry.

I smirked.

I got it from this French book before me. I'm trying really hard to speak French right now, it's kind of hard learning it though, but I need to cos I'm here in Paris today for work. Don't worry, I won't be eyeing French women. The only thing that is beautiful to me right now is the Eiffel Tower that is seen across this hotel room that I'm staying. It could be you that's beautiful but you're not here with me but that doesn't mean you're not pretty. (See the attach photo of my hotel view)

I grabbed the photos from the envelope and saw the Eiffel Tower view at night right outside Nick's room. I scanned through the other photo and the second one was a picture of him being his handsome self. Nick Wilde taking a selfie for me. I smiled. I stared at it for a long while and definitely missed him too much that I'm beginning to cry again. I pulled out the last photo, and it was a picture of Nick with a baby girl. I'm guessing it's Dani. I turned it around and confirmed that it was really her. That's Dakota's baby.

It's wonderful here in Paris and I really hope I came here with you because it would be pretty amazing having you here right now. Imagine the set-up, like the ones in the movies, I'd be working on some paperworks on my table while you'll be distracting me the entire time to come to bed with you and I'll act like I'm not tempted but deep down inside I want to.

I smile as my tears fall. I would love that Nick. I certainly would. I thought.

It's already midnight from where I am and I'm still wide awake because I can't sleep thinking about you so I'm writing you a love letter. I saw a blue dress a while ago by the way and I bought it because it would look sexy on you. I hope you have it with you in time, maybe a month or two.

I smile. "I wish I could've gone to Paris with you instead."

Dear Savannah,

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

How are you? I'm getting good at writing sloppy longhand love letters huh? Anyways, I've been missing you and Melissa a lot. I wonder how she looks like now, hope you could send me a photo of her. By the way, is Damon still hurting you? I hope he's not because if he is still physically hurting you, I will kick his ass once I'll find out about it. I'll put him to jail myself but I'll beat him up first before I throw him behind the bars.

You know everyday I'd wish I would receive one letter from you. Every morning I would hope there's a letter coming from you, but then there's nothing and it's already been so long since I wrote you the first one. I'm worried about you all the time. I always think about how you are. I try to reach your phone but you don't pick me up. I tried to reach you through Facebook but you don't seenzone me. I always wonder where you are. But it's okay, I understand our situation. I just wish all those letters that I sent you, you've received and read it on time.

P.S My contract with Dakota is ending soon, I'm excited for it :)

This letter was written two years ago and it breaks my heart that I didn't get to read them earlier.

Dear Savannah,

How have you been doing lately? I've been missing you a lot. I always miss you though. I miss hearing your voice. I miss talking to you. I miss you so much. And sorry about my penmanship, Dani is annoying me to play with her right now. She asked me about you the other day. She said she really wants to meet you, I hope you two would meet and would get along.

I went to England days ago, but I heard you went to Ireland to spend your December and January there. Don't ask how I knew about it. Anyways I was very disappointed that we didn't get to meet or even see a glimpse of each other. It's been a few years that passed and you still cloud up my mind, do you still think about me? Do you even miss me Savannah?

Yes Nick. All the time.

How was your Christmas? Dakota, Dani and I went to New Zealand after Christmas eve and spent the holidays there. I hope your Christmas with Lissa was amazing. I wish I spent it with you and her. (Sorry for acting so paternal over Melissa. I know I don't have the right to be.) Is Damon being a good father to her? I hope he does even if she's not his. You still got me curious about who's the father to Melissa.

Is it me Savannah?

I took a deep breath in and exhaled.

Yes Nick. I was just a big time coward and I feel so guilty of what I've done. I'm sorry.

As a few hours flew, I read a whole lot more from the letters Nick has sent me until I reached the most recent ones. Funny how each letter would make me cry then laugh then smile then tear up again. It's like when I read them, Nick is just talking to me. It felt like Nick is just here with me and I could imagine how he would look when I would read a certain line.

I open the last and most recent one that Nick sent to me last week based from the date received.

Dear Savannah,

Hi! How are you? Sorry about the delayed time sent for this letter, it's been very tragic for me these past few days. I wrote to you as soon as I found out about this and I know I should tell you even though Tracy won't let me. I have a very bad news. It's really heartbreaking to everyone from our friends and especially to me. Tracy has been admitted to the hospital last two weeks. She is very sick now.

She is diagnosed with stage four breast cancer.

My breath hitch and I feel my heart starting to gain weight. It got heavy the moment I read what I didn't want to read. I was so frightened on reading the rest of the letter. Tracy.... I haven't heard any news from her and now this is all I find out about her.

I thought she was just having a flu or she wasn't just feeling well a few days ago when I always invite her out but then we found out that we were already too late about her cancer. She didn't even dared to tell me that she wasn't feeling good weeks ago. She kept it all to herself. The doctor said her cancer cells were back and they moved down to her breasts. He said they've got even more malignant than before and her lungs could be the next target then her other organs.

I'm scared Savannah.

My hands are shaking while a few droplets of my tears fell on the paper. I take a deep breath in and try to sink everything I've read about Tracy. She's very ill. She's so ill that I can't imagine what she looks like right now. I'm scared too. I'm scared of losing her. She's been a very great friend to me. She's like a sister to me and I wouldn't know what to do once she'll be dead.

I'm scared for Nick.

I don't know what to do anymore Savannah. I'm really scared that I might lose my own sister in the future. I've lost a few people in my life in the past and I'm not sure if I can take one loss anymore. Tracy is very dear to me and I know I shouldn't be thinking that she will leave me. I know I should think that she will live, but how? When she's already on critical condition? I know I should be strong for her because she needs me the most, but it's so hard to be strong even for myself after what I found out. I thought Tracy was getting good. I thought she was already cancer free.

Seeing her bedridden on a hospital bed, with her thinnest body connected to a few machines that were surrounding her, just pains my heart in ways I can't best describe. I pity her so much that I wish it was me who was suffering. I'm not ready to lose Tracy. I've lost you a few times and this one will really kill me if she'll be gone.

You never lost me Nick.

I have never been this afraid in my entire life like this. Each morning I would be frightened that something might have happened to Tracy. I would always worry. I wouldn't get enough sleep and I'm always cranky at the office. But I'm thankful, very thankful to Clyde for still sticking around her. I just wish I was just like Clyde. I should've stayed with you through thick and thin.

I miss you Savannah.

"I miss you too Nick. So much it's hurting me." I whimper.

I terribly and truly miss you very very much every single day that I mistakenly see you from another woman whenever I'm out. It's crazy sometimes and embarrassing too.

Come back home. Please.

I began to weep silently. I remained silent for a while.

I miss you so bad that if ever I'll be seeing you again I'll kiss you senseless.

I wipe my tears and felt him through his words. I miss him too and now that I've found out about the whole truth, I know have to do something about it.

I stand on my feet and marched my way to the bathroom. I turned on the lights and stood in front of the mirror. I look at my own reflection and glance at my bruises from my shoulder down to my arm then my stomach and a few bruises that have faded on my cheek. There are some on my thighs too and whenever I think of all the things Damon did to me and how I let him do that to me, makes me lose my mind. I want to kill him so bad that even when I think about it I feel like encouraging myself. I took a deep breath in and tried to relax.

"Don't do it Savannah. Think about Melissa. Think about her future. She needs you." I say.

The following morning, Damon still hasn't come home ever since we fought last night and I began to let the maids fix our bedroom. I kept the letters to myself and put them inside my bag.

I stand by the balcony with a cup of coffee on my hand as I stare at every hi that Damon owns. This huge land, this spacious mansion, his world-famous company, and his massive wealth but it don't mean anything to me if he's such a bastard of a husband. I would leave this behind even if it means I'll go poor. I don't want to live my life rich but in the arms of a husband who'll just hurt me because he's drunk or he's mad at for a reason he only knows.

"Mommy?"

I quickly spun myself around and saw Lissa entering the balcony.

"Hey baby. Good morning." I say as I out my cup of coffee down on the table.

She walks closer to me, "Good morning." I bent down forward to her as she kisses my cheek.

"Where's daddy? He left my party last night and you were gone last night too. Did you and daddy fight again?" She asked me so innocently.

I sigh inwardly.

I push her hair behind her ears. "We did have a little misunderstanding last night." I admitted.

"Is it because of me again? I always hear you and daddy fight and it's always about me." She pouts.

I pulled her closer, "Don't think like that. You aren't the reason why we fight. It's because of him, not you."

I look at her eagerly and took a deep breath in. "Baby, I'm going to tell you something okay?" I asked her.

She nods.

"Promise me you won't be mad at mommy?" I asked.

She nods again.

"What is it about mommy?" She asked me back.

Here goes.

"Daddy Damon... isn't..." I trailed. "He isn't your real father." I say as slow as I could.

Both of us got quiet and we just looked at each other. I just hope she won't be mad at me for what she found out.

All of a sudden she smiles. "I already know that mom." She spurted.

My brows creasing. "How?"

"Daddy Damon told me about it. He said I shouldn't tell you that I know about it because he would hurt you and me." Melissa spills out.

I couldn't believe Damon right now.

"That's why I keep on being a good girl to him even if he's not my daddy because I was hoping he'll love me back." She continues.

My tears began filling my eyes and I thought I was out of tears to shed but I was wrong. I held my daughter close to me and felt her holding me back. We hugged for a little while as I cry myself on her tiny shoulders.

"Why are you crying mom?" She asked me and her innocence makes me hurt.

"Nothing baby." I weeped.

She rubs my back and started humming me a tune.

"You always do this when I cry mommy. You rub my back and sing to me. Now let me the one to stop you from crying." She says.

Nick Wilde you should be proud of your own daughter right now cos I am.

I pull myself away and Melissa was even the one wiping my tears.

"You're not mad at me mommy? I'm sorry for not telling you. I was scared that daddy Damon will hurt you."

"I'm not mad at you mom." She smiles.

I kiss her forehead. "I am proud of you baby. I am very very proud of how strong you are at age five."

She smiles happily and kissed my cheek again. "I love you mommy."

"I love you baby Lissa."

"But... who is my father then mommy? Do I look like him?" She giddied.

I'm happy and relieved that she isn't mad at me and she's even more excited to meet her father. I couldn't stop my tears from falling and I won't wipe it.

"Yes baby. You do look like him." I tell her and she smiles happily.

"When can I meet him? What's his name mommy?" She fires more questions.

I smiled at her. "His name is Nick Wilde and I am very excited for you to meet him Lissa."

"Now go tell your nanny to pack all of your stuff. We're going home."

"Home?"

I nod as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. "Yes baby. We're going home to grandma and grandpa's."

"Yey!! I'm going to see grandma and grandpa for the first time!" She screams happily.

I watch Lissa as she runs back inside and looked so happy about going home to mom and dad's. "Nanny! Nanny! Come quick! We need to pack all of my things! Nanny come on! Hurry up! Mom says so! Cmon!"

She pulls her nannies up the stairs and I smile at how she's being so excited about it. She's ecstatic and she can't hide it. The question is, if there's still a house waiting for us back in New York. Finally, he caved in after a few rings.

"Hey angel of mine." Aries greets.

I smile. "Hey Aries. Where are you right now?"

"If you're wishing I'm near around England, then you've guessed it right. What can I do for you angel?"

I smile sheepishly.

"Could you come and pick me up? I need to go back to New York." I say.

"New York?" His voice sounded like he's amused.

"Don't ask. Just pick me up. I'm divorcing Damon soon."

He gasped. "Finally! You've woken up! When are we going to marry then?"

I laughed softly. "Aries please."

"Alright alright. I'll be there tonight. Will Lissa be with you?"

"Yes."

"Great. I have her gift. Sorry I couldn't attend, you know how I love your husband." He said sarcastically.

"It's okay. Just come here and get me. I have so many things to say to you."

__________

SFTC:

To Whom It May Concern - The Civil Wars