My Fiancée Hates Me novel Chapter 102

When I sat upright, I felt a slight stinging sensation in my wrist. It was mostly numb most likely from the medication. It would have been better if it hurt a little more. Maybe then I could distract myself from the throbbing pain in my heart.

I squeezed my wrist and saw blood seep through the bandages.

I felt dismayed that the pain from my wrist could only distract me for a moment.

"...Arielle, I am coming in," Erik said as he entered my room. He soon ran over to me and grabbed my injured wrist and inspected it. "God, Arielle! You are bleeding again!"

"...I am fine. I just need to change out of my old bandages," I said as I pulled my arm back.

"...Arielle, please talk to me. I received news that you had hurt yourself," Erik said as he rubbed his head with his hand.

"You are good at feigning sympathy towards other people," I said coldly.

"Arielle?"

"You are such a liar, Erik," I said with a sigh.

"What are you talking about, Arielle?" Erik asked.

"...Our engagement had been long broken off," I said.

This is obviously a trick to see if Erik did lie to me since his actions had been so suspicious from the start.

"Did your memories return?" Erik asked.

Erik fell my trick so easily...

I most likely found a way to end my engagement with Erik in this life. That is probably why Erik had been acting strangely in trying to make me announce our engagement whenever our future together was brought up.

I was not sure of it before, but now I know of it...Erik lied to me.

Erik had used my amnesia to force me into an engagement I had not agreed with. My other self desperately tried to break off her relationship with both men whom she both cared for deeply.

"...You thought that you could take advantage of me because of my amnesia," I said coldly.

"That is not it, Arielle..."

"What is it then! Are you saying that you did it to help me? I still do not remember everything, but I have recalled enough. I remember all of the suffering I endured to become your wife. All of it became pointless when you sacrificed your life for me. This is the last straw I have had of your martyr tendencies," I said harshly.

"What happened back then was an accident. We have gone past that and prevented everything from happening like that again. With Kaya Ouchi and her collaborators arrested, there is no one else who can hurt either of us anymore," Erik said.

Erik is someone out of a fairytale to me. He was a perfect Prince and a Hero to me, but his self-sacrificial nature hurt me all of the time. Even worse, I affected everyone else in the kingdom by not correcting Erik when I needed to.

"...I had realized my mistake in trying to show you affection has only further spiraled you into becoming a disappointment. I had failed your father in correcting your behavior by letting you live according to your own devices. To think that I created a self-centered Prince...I cannot atone enough for the people of Arundel," I said.

"...Did you try to kill yourself to hurt me? Is this the lesson that you wanted to teach me? Was forcing my self-sacrificial feelings onto you was driving you to the point of despair?" Erik asked.

I cut my wrist to drive me closer to death to regain my memories. Erik's suspicions were actually not that far off, but it is better if he misunderstands for now.

"As your Queen, I supported you with all of my heart because of my duty to your father, but person I loved was never you. I have always hated you. I bore all of the suffering that came with becoming Queen and failed miserably. If I have to return to those days, I would rather not return at all," I said as I clenched my fists.

Erik suddenly pulled me into his embrace.

"...I'm sorry for everything. I am incompetent that you have to lie and endure so much by yourself. I was not aware that I was hurting you by hurting myself all of the time...I'm sorry, I'm sorry for making you lie and hurt yourself by saying things that you do not mean. It is all my fault. If you have any pent-up anger, just direct it all at me and don't hurt yourself anymore," Erik said as he squeezed me tighter.

"...Erik."

"Just rely on me and do not keep searching for things that will hurt you in the future," Erik said.

Erik will never change...He will forever try to protect me as his Princess and will take away everything that will possibly hurt me, but that is not reality...It is all still a fantasy...

I do not want to continue living as his perfect fiancée and live off of his generosity like a leech forever.

I pushed Erik off of me and grabbed a vial off of my nightstand before jumping out of bed.

"...I have been suffering ever since I woke up at the hospital! Even though I am with you and enjoy spending time with you, it feels as though my heart is somewhere else. On top of that, you constantly tell me that it is better to not remember anything and just rely on you. I wanted to be someone who is your equal, not cared for like a precious bird who is locked in a cage," I said as I clutched the vial in front of my face.

"When you lost your memory of your second life, I thought that I could make your heart move and return us to those days when we were happy together," Erik said.

For a short time, I was truly happy in our first lives, but now all I feel is the dread of living a lie every time I wake up in this body.

"...Those memories are not enough," I said as I grit my teeth. "I am partially missing my memories from our first lives as well. All of my deepest and darkest memories are missing. Even now, it was only just recently that I could remember how Garett died. I do not want you to decide what is my happiness anymore...Once I drink this, I will remember everything."

"Don't tell me...that vial is a memory enhancing drug?" Erik asked.

"...Since neither you nor anyone else want to help me recover my lost memories, I am going to decide on my own happiness from now on," I said as I tried drinking the rest of the vial.

The first time I tried the drug, I only drank 1/8 of it and it already made me nauseas. The directions said that drinking any more than that could have dangerous health repercussions and possibly even death.

I do not want to continue living in a fantasy where everything is seemingly perfect when it is obviously not.

"Arielle! Stop!"

We were all sadly living like martyrs...Erik, Garett, and myself.

That is why I will be selfish for now...