My Fiancée Hates Me novel Chapter 105

"...I hate you so much. If you were going to leave my heart in so much disarray, I wish you never stepped in my life to begin with," I said as I clenched my fists.

All of these bitter feelings were directed at the Garett whom I could not and will never be able to speak to again. I wanted to kick and scream at that person, but it will never come to fruition. This love that I could never abandon ended so abruptly with your death.

I was suddenly grabbed by my shoulders and turned towards Garett.

"...The person you loved and all of those people you had lost are all gone," Garett said.

"How can you say such a cruel thing!" I said as I began flailing.

"Listen to me, Arielle! What I say next is going to be very cruel...That past or future and all of the people you ever knew in your past life are now gone. They are all as good as dead now," Garett said as he held me sturdily.

Unlike Erik, Garett never sugarcoats his words. He almost always tells me the cold hard truth with harsh and prickly words. The only times he lies are when they are about his own feelings.

That timeline had been utterly destroyed...

I could never return to the days of my first life. All I could do now was quietly force myself to never forget and keep everyone clear in my memories by constantly recalling both the happy as well as the sad and bitter memories.

"...My words or feelings will never reach the other you or the people I loved in my memories," I said grievingly.

"All there is now is the present in which you had created. Stop living in the past and finally live in the future with the people whom you have chosen to surround yourself with. I am sure that even the people in your past life wanted you to be happy. They never would have wanted you to continue torturing yourself. I...I at the very least don't want you to suffer anymore," Garett said.

"The people I loved died. I could never forget about my memories with them. Neither could I want to forget you who I came to know either. Your words, your face, your touch...I could not get any one of them out of my mind. I worked so hard in trying to move on with my life with Erik as the other you said as I should have done but felt something nagging at me in the back of my mind. Everything felt wrong inside. I was being driven close to insanity from not being able to understand why I felt such a thing. I sought the memory enhancing drug in order to retrieve my lost memories and figure out the reason why. Even if it was dangerous, I wanted to find the answers to my troublesome feelings," I said.

"...Do you remember everything now?" Garett asked.

"Yes...I remember everything from the past to now, including the feelings I had for the past and current you. That is why I still feel conflicted even now. I am someone who has lived this life before. It was one where I was bounded by an engagement with Prince Erik and you were someone who supported it. Despite having feelings for me, you kept your unrequited love a secret from me by telling me you hated my existence. The other you told me that we were all bounded by our roles we were born into and to never deviate from it. That is why I accepted my role and tried to be a good wife to Prince Erik. In the end, I failed and killed myself with my unborn child. I am an irresponsible mother and a reckless woman who could not protect either her first or second love and killed the only life I had growing inside of me. Even if this is my second life, I cannot just blindly seek your love after everything I have done," I confessed.

"...I will accept anything and everything about you because I love you," Garett said.

"You are being ridiculous...How can you love someone who married someone else, abandoned you, and left you to die in her place!" I asked.

"That was all from your past life! I do not know exactly all of what transpired then, but I got to know you well from this life. At first, you were quiet and always had a gloomy look on your face, but it turns out that you are talkative about the things you like and stubborn like a mule when it comes to things you don't like. In other words, you're an extremely difficult woman!" Garett said with an irritated expression.

"If I am so difficult, just love someone else," I said as I burst in tears.

"If I could do that, I would have done it a long time ago! It always annoyed me how you would always occupy my thoughts even when you are not in front of me. I hate how I try to keep up with the food trends because you like sweets, how I have to constantly lead you around obstacles in the road because I am afraid that you will trip, how I find myself researching tea that you might like during my spare time, and how I am willing to travel across towns to get you your favorite tea. Even if I close my eyes at night, I find myself dreaming about you...The other me who you first met and the me right now have the same taste in one woman. It is impossible for either of us to love anyone other than you...so please don't break my heart...because I still love you," Garett said.

"...The other you couldn't be happy all because of me. I cannot simply forget about all of my mistakes that I have done to you," I said.

"This is your second life. You made mistakes because you were alone, right? Then, just depend on me," Garett said as he hugged me.

The other you from that lifetime created shackles on me with the word 'obligation' on them. I did my best as terrible as I was to meet yours as well as other people's expectations. Even then, I constantly made one mistake after the other.

If I just accept your kindness, I would be ending my own punishment...

I hate myself. I put on a strong front, but I am just the picture of disorder inside.

"...I have to be alone. It is all my fault that you suffered in my first life. You don't know just how miserably you were tortured before your death. I cannot forgive myself for not having been able to save you. The hopelessness and despair that I felt is incomparable to anything else...When you say that you want to be with me, my heart wavers because I want to accept you even if it is wrong," I said.

"I will be with you even long after you are able to forgive yourself," Garett said as he hugged me tighter.

I pressed my face against his chest and wrapped my arms around his back.

I should have never let you go off to die in my place. I should have just held you just like this and ordered you to live together with me, but all of these are now just regretting from my first life...