One Sided Love novel Chapter 21

Kate

I felt my self to be lying in some hard surface when I opened my eyes I saw my head,was pressed to Alex chest n suddenly sit in the bed... my moment wake Alex n he looked confused but I was scared that he will regret this again n blame me for it... he might have saw my expression because he shake his head 

Said ' kate are you ok! '

I said ' yeah im .. are you'

He smiled a little ' im perfectly fine ... n last night seems to make me very much ok'

I thought he doesn't regret last night thats why he is in happy mood

He suddenly said ' kate ... I never regret last night.... thats why you r so tense'

Shit I really said that aloud

I replied ' hmm... I don't know .... I just... I get scared that you will think I seduced you '

Alex laughed ' pretty girl believe me if you ever seduced me I will always enjoy that but relax its me who seduced you not you'

I was shocked by Alex admission 

'

I replied ' oh..okk'

He grab my both hands n said 'Kate there is a thing... I don't how is going to sound but im not trying to make you feel sad n act like a jerk .... but the things is I can't do love n romance thing .... Emily take my heart with her n my ability to love.... same with this baby ... I will try to fulfilled his or her every need but emma is going to be my first priority so after this baby... plz kate don't take this in a wrong way but after this baby I will not act as a father to him but a guardian thats all... n after last night im want to continue this but if you're comfortable ... I know im asking alot n giving less but this is the man I have become plz bear with me if you can.... because my demands are still there which I made with you n im jerk to say this but this is just sex nothing else... there will be days I will become distantwith you ... I will not even fake public display affection because I can't lie to you n everyone n gives you false hopes .... there will be a time I will become angry n sat Shit but I will never disrespect you that way I used to you'

I keep looking at him .. he was brutally honest but my heart still have the capacity to hurt so much till now that Im amaze.... I can even ignore what he,said about that he cant love me ... but our baby ... he will not a father but act as a guardian to my baby ... I start seeing flashback of my childhood how my father used to abandon me ... how he insult me n never accepted me till now... 

Alex shake me a little ' what was happening to you ... you look like you were happening a panick attack... '

I slowly breath ' No im fine its used to happen sometime ... im ok'

Alex replied ' what do you meant .... from how long'

I said ' when I was very little ... I was 5 year old' 

He looked shocked ' you r having panic attacks for more than 20 years n you are telling me now.... no one .. not even emily never told me you're having attacks'

I replied ' no one knows about that ... I used to have them when im..

He knowingly said ' when you're extremely tense or something triggered you...... fuck my words triggered something .... if you r not comfortable its ok I understand'

I was thinking about my baby sure Alex cant love him or her but he will be not like my father .... I have to stay because of emma ... n for my baby honor ... so I also make things clear with him too

I replied ' Alex don't put this on you... I never had this more than 2 years its last fir few seconds ... but I also want to say something... you have to promise me that if I ever agreed to all you have said then promise me you will never disrespect n humiliate our child publicly n personaly n don't let any one do that to and If I ever felt this then I will leave everything'

He have an understanding look that what im talking about ' I promise you I will never do this to you n baby'