SAGE novel Chapter 45

Alora Trevino

It's been hard being myself lately but when has it never not. I feel like I'm screaming but no one is hearing me or are they just ignoring me.

It seems to be the case with me always. I seem to be always left in the background to be ignored.

But there's one person. A person who has never neglected me or overlooked my existence.

As I looked up from my car I saw it. I felt it.

This place, this house is where I felt most.

Maybe that's why I found myself coming here when I promised myself I would never again come here.

There was no turning back now. I had already knocked and I heard his voice.

The door flung opened and in all his glory Sage stood on the other side holding the door.

My breath hitched just breathing the same air as him. It always has. A cold and hot shiver coursed thought my body.

I watched as the emotion on his face changed. At first he looked annoyed then it tramsformed into something I couldn't process.

I don't know what expected from him because with him everything is uncertain.

"Alora." He breathed out and looked me up and down as if he didn't believe I was standing in front of him.

I honestly didn't believe I was standing in front of him too but I needed answers. I needed him.

"Hi." I smiled and waved like and idiot.

"Hi." He replied looked behind me.

"Can I come in?" I asked and cleared my throat.

It was a miracle I haven't shed a tear because I felt like throwing myself in his arms and crying.

Its been a while since I came around and it's funny how I always need alcohol to come here.

"Umm yeah. Come in." He said and stepped aside but I could see he wanted to ask what I was doing here.

Its not like the last time I saw him everything was joy and happiness.

Its weird how every moment between us ends with me crying and cussing him.

I always, always say I never want to see him again but here I am again. In his house.

I walked in and waited for him to close the door and lead the way.

He walked in front of me to the living room.

Its funny how everything seems to be different yet its still the same.

Even Sage is so different as still the same.

"I'm sorry for coming without calling." I bullshittted him. "I actually don't know why I even came. I just thought if you amd this house and next thing I know I'm driving towards here."

He just watched me ramble and didn't say a word.

The facade I've been trying to hold on too was crumbling way too quick.

"Umm.. I guess I could blame it on the alcohol but I didn't drink that much. The alcohol was just to give me the boost and confidence I needed to come here amd stand in front of you." I continued.

I looked everywhere besides his face.

"Funny huh!" I chuckled. "I received gifts today. I was invited to an exclusive. People sang happy birthday to me. Social media is buzzing with my day but all that didn't matter now did it. Only a simple happy birthday text at midnight mattered. Funny right."

I suddenly felt drunk more than I was a minute ago.

I stumbled just a bit and Sage was ready to catch me. I felt my heart soar though the sky when I saw that.

"I'm good." I waved a hand and pointed at the sofa. He was probably sitting in it before I arrived.

That exact sofa has seen a lot. It holds so much memory.

"Can I sit down? I'm gonna sit." I didn't wait for him to reply and by the looks of it he wasn't gonna try either.

He just stood there and turned with me as I walked towards the sofa and sat down.

"Would you say something?" I asked him. My voice went a bit higher than I had intended. "Your silence is driving me nuts."

I lifted my head towards him and he looked me straight in the eyes.

I held his stare but of course I ended up looking away.

I then heard him sigh heavily.

"What do you want me to say?" He replied at last. "You just showed up here."

His voice carried an emotion I couldn't describe.

"Why did you text me?" I finally asked. "All afternoon I kept thinking why would he text me? It's been a month and a half. Everyone was doing their things. You were now a dull ache in the background and all of a sudden you text me at midnight. I want to know why?"

I hate how desperate I sounded. But that's what I am. Desperate, desperate for him, for his attention. I am desperate.

He ran his hand through his black locks. The same one I've ran my hands through.

"If you can here expecting some out of this world confession I'm sorry because there isn't one." He started. "It's your birthday I texted you happy birthday. That's all."

"Bullshit." I called him out and he laughed.

"What did you expect Alora? A confession of my undying love for you?" He said and threw his hands up.

He made it look like that's not even possible and its ridiculous but to me its not.

Maybe that's exactly what I expected.

I opened my mouth but all the words I knew died in the back of my brain. I closed it and look away.

"Of coursed you did." I heard him say and I lifted my head. "Only you would think that after I told her countless time that I'm incapable of loving."

I felt a sharp pain in my chest. It was piercing and it almost felt physical.

"Bullshit." I called him out again. "Everyone is capable of love."

"You don't understand do you. I'm incapable of loving any girl that isn't Eve. I only love and live for her. No one else." He emphasised on every word.

I felt like the ground I was shaking and splitting into two.

Again Evernly is blocking and taking everything from me.

"That isn't true." My voice wobbled and a lump was growing in my throat.

"I can't give you what you want Alora. I've always told you that. Believe it or not. That's what it is." He stated and turned around turning his back on me. "And believe me when I say you don't love me."

He doesn't know. I love him. I've always have. I just didn't realise it back then.

I stood up and went to him. I grabbed his forearm and turned him around.

"Don't turn your back on me." A tear sled out of my eye. "And what do you know about my feelings."

"Trust me I know." He said and looked down.

"You know I love you. I've said it even when drunk. I know I do." I told him as more tears escaped.

"No you don't Alora. You love your good for nothing fucking red head not me. It was never me remember." He raised his voice a bit.

I shook my head viciously.

"No it's not. It was never him. What I felt for him is nothing compared to what I feel for you. It was never him. It's always been you. From the start its always has been." I yelled.

"That's not true. It has never been true. Those time I told you you said It, I lied. You never told me that. I just wanted you to believe you did. Call me sadistic and maybe I am." He yelled back.

I felt like someone just knocked the air out of my lung. I suddenly couldn't breath.

I took a step back and looked at him. I've gone so long thinking I've said it. Why would he lie to me.

More tears escaped my eyes. Why am I so naive? I always trust him and believe him when he has proven time and time again that he's not to be trusted.

I looked in his eyes for some truth. When our eyes met he looked away ashamed and that was the confirmation I needed.

"What?" I whispered and took more steps back.

He didn't approach me. He watched me as I backed away from him. He didn't stop me.

"I'm sorry." That's all he offered. No explanation, nothing.

"Why?" I then asked him. "Help me understand."

I just needed to know the why. Maybe then I could understand. Maybe there's a perfect explanation.

The back on my legs hit the sofa and I let myself go and sat down. I felt weak.

"I wish I could give you some explanation that would make you feel better but I have none." He adimitted in shame.

He wouldn't even look at me. He hurt me and he wouldn't look at me.

"Why Sage? Tell me." I shouted angirly at him. "Be a fucking man and look at me."

Slowly he lifted his head to meat my gaze. He held it this time.

"You want me to tell you that I didn't want you going to him. That I want you all to myself. I'm selfish, sue me." He preached looking me in the eyes.

His explanation only fueled my anger more.

"Why do you want that if you can't even love me?" I asked angry.

"Because he doesn't deserve you. No one does." He yelled at me like I was some idiot.

Maybe I am for trusting him.

"And what do you know about what I deserve Sage. I deserve what I choose." I yelled at him even more frustrated. "And by your standards who deserves me?"

I felt even ridiculous asking this question to him with tears running down my cheeks.

"Me. I deserve you. Not that fucking Axel, not anyone but me." He declared.

I stared at him and I sobbed. Everything he says doesn't make sense.

I don't deserve someone who can't love me yet I condemned into love one. I'm a idiot.

He says he derseves me yet he can't love me.

Sage was at my side in inhuman speed. He sat beside me on the sofa and gathered me in his arms.

That made me cry even more. I sobbed in his chest and released everything I've been holding back for months.

"It hurts Sage." I told him. "You're hurting me."

"I know Smurf. I know." He said and hushed me softly. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to."

"Why though? Why do you hurt me this much?" I asked him and myself.

"I'm sorry Smurf." He brushed my hair and my back. "Shhh. I'm sorry."

"It hurts to be with you and it hurts to think of you." I confessed. "When I closed my eyes I'll be searching for you and think if all the hurt you've caused but when I wake I'd still want you. I wait for you, you know. I sit by my window and look in the streets and think someday you'd come for me."

"I'm sorry." He repeated those words he'd been saying for the past few minutes.

I wish he'd say something else. Something meaningful than his sorrys.

"Do you ever think of me?" I asked him.

"Yeah I do." He admitted and I was shocked for a moment.

I didn't think he'd answer.

"Does it hurt when you do like it does to me?" I asked again hoping he'd answer.

"Yeah it does. It hurts a lot." Again he surprised me when he did.

I weirdly felt satisfied that it hurts him too. Hearing about his hurt was also my comfort.

Everything suddenly hurt a little less and I didn't feel the need to cry anymore.

I stayed in Sage's chest a little longer because who know how long it would be until I get the chance again.

When I was calm and alright I pulled away from him and wiped the remaining tears on my cheeks.

"You okay?" Sage asked genuinely concerned.

I gave him a small smile.

"I'm okay." But okay isn't fine right?

I've been okay for a long time now but I'm never fine.

But after all okay it better than nothing right.

"I would chose you, you know?" I pointed out.

The atmosphere was cool again.

"And why won't you?" He asked.

There was so many reason why I won't. One of them being he never give me the opportunity to.

"Because your love or affection is dressed in distraction. I never know if I should love you or myself." And that was the main reason why I can't choose him.

I can't love myself if I love him and I can't love him if I love myself.

He pulled his lips into a thin line and didn't say anything.

I took his silence as a sign that our conversation is over.

I stood up and his eyes followed me. I fixed my outfit and all along his eyes were in me.

"I think I should go." I told him and when he didn't say anything I started walking.

I felt a hand on my elbow and I allowed it to turn me around. I honestly didn't want to leave just yet.

"Wait." Sage called out.

"Yeah." I replied and didn't hide my excitement.

"Do you want cake?" He asked me and I smiled.

"You have cake?" I guess I could cheat on my diet this one time.

"Well no." He answered and his cheeks because flustered a bit.

"So where will you get it because I doubt any stores are opened right now." I told him and chuckled.

"I could always bake some. I saw some supplies on the cabinets." He suggested and I couldn't help but laughed.

How could I not fall in love with him. It was bound to happen.

"Well do you know how to bake?" I asked him and when he chuckled I knew this was gonna be a disaster.

"I've seen Eve bake a couple of time and I happen to know where she kept the recipes." He said proudly.

Evernly. Everyone's joy. Even mine. I thought and followed Sage who was already walking towards the kitchen.

"How hard can it be? I'm her brother cooking runs through our blood." He said to himself as he searched the cabinets.

I wanted to remind him that he is her step brother but I didn't wanna ruin the moment.

"Good by me." I said and sat on the barstool and watched him raid the cabinets.

"Found it." He announced and lifted the small book into the air. "Told you it existed."

"And I didn't doubt that just your baking skill." I teased him.

"You wound me Smurf. You wound me." He said and searched the pages. "Cooking, cooking, cooking ahhha baking."

"Now the real challenge begin." I told him and he rolled his eyes.

"I'll show you I can do it." He said. "Found one. Basic sponge cake. That's good right?" He asked me and I nodded.

"The simpler the better." I told him and scoffed.

"Your confidence in me is insulting." He faked being offended.

"I'm sorry but it's not my confidence in you in general that I'm doubting just your cooking skills or in this case your baking skills." I corrected him.

"Okay fine. Let's make a bet." He proposed and I laughed.

"The pressure is on. What kind of bet?" I swung my legs.

"If I bake a mean good cake you do everything I want for a week." He suggested.

"Okay. I'm not even afraid but what do I get?" I asked him.

"Anything you want." He replied.

"I haven't thought of anything yet." I told him.

"No problem. You'll tell me when you think of something." He told me. "Now come help me."

I threw my head back and laughed.

"No can do baby." I crossed my arms.

"It's your cake now come help." He smirked knowing he's cheating.

"You cheater. I won't help. You can fail alone." I told.

"I'm not baking if you ain't helping." He said and I laughed.

"You're such a cheater." I said and jumped down the barstool. "I'll help, now what do we need."

He slided the book towards me.

"Flour, salt, sugar, eggs, butter, or oil." I read the indgridents out loud. "Sounds easy."

Basically I watched Sage do all the work while I occasionally helped. He complained and asked me to bring a lot of stuff but I wanted him to fail on his own.

I'm even afraid to put it in my mouth because I know there are some egg crusts in there. I saw them.

Two hours later the 'cake' was out of the oven and on top of the counter.

It was close to midnight.

"Now to let it cool off for twenty minutes." He said and walked to the living room.

This moment made it look and feel like things were back to normal and when I leave tomorrow things will be like this but I knew that when I leave thing will change.

Everything will go back to how it was before I came here. I will go back to my life and so will Sage.

All will be left will be memories. Memories I'll always treasure.

I guess now I'm okay with that. Maybe Sage and I were never meant for the long run.

People are in your life for a reason. Either to teach you a lesson and grow you or to stay.

Maybe Sage was one of those people who are in my life to teach me something.

Even though I don't want that. I want him to be in my life for the long run. For eternity but I will treasure the moment spent with him and treasure the memory.

"You ready to taste my master piece." I heard Sage yell from the kitchen.

I hadn't realised he had left.

"You mean disaster." I yelled back.

"Have faith in me Smurf. Have faith." I couldn't help but get the feeling like he meant something bigger than the cake.

Maybe it was just me and my deep thoughts.

"I always have." I said walking in. He looked at me like he understood the double meaning behind my words.

I've always had faith in him even when he gave me no hope in him. I've always had faith.

"Sit right here." He patted the space next to the cake on the counter.

I walked up to him and he helped me up the counter.

I waited as he took a knife and gave it to me. I but two small slice while Sage took two plates and placed the slice of cake.

"Happy birthday Smurf." He said and I thought back to his text.

"It's no longer my birthday. It's past midnights you know that don't you?" I pointed and he rolled his eyes.

"Let me have this and if you would've gotten here a lot eairler we would've eaten this on your birthday." He said and I ignored the statement

"Give me a slice." He handed me a plate.

We did try to clean after ourselves but turns out neither one of us can clean properly.

I took a bit and it didn't taste like like not that I know what like tastes like.

"Not bad." I admitted and took another bite.

"It's actually good. Not bad for my first try ehh." I laughed when I realised how proud he is of himself.

"Getting cocky there aren't we." I pointed out.

"You have to be when you're as good as me." He gloated.

"It wasn't that good. It was just standard." I tried bursting his bubble but it was too strong.

We continued to tease each other and laugh.

"You have something there." I followed something his finger and it was pointed on my face.

I wiped my lips with the back of my hand.

"No you didn't get it." He told me and I did it again and again.

He chuckled and took a step forward.

"Let me get that for you." He said but I stopped him by grabbing his hand.

"Don't. I know where this is going." I told him.

"Oh you know. So where is it going?" He asked him and licked his lip.

I couldn't help but wet my own lips.

"It starts by us laughing like we were and you say I have something on my face like you did. Then I try to get it but miss it like I was doing and you step forward and wipe it for me very and agonisingly slow but you brush my lips and next thing I know you're kissing me and clothes fly out." I explained.

I saw Sage's adam Apple gulp and I knew he was now thinking it.

I let him step forward because I wanted him to kiss me. I was weak in front of him. I've always been.

He stepped all the way and pushed my legs apart so they accommodated him.

He kissed my cheek softly and I swear I could smell the vanilla in his breath. I couldn't help but breathe in his intoxicating scent.

And that was it for me.

His lips met mine softly. He moved so softly and effortless taking the lead and I just followed.

I finally let go if his hand and they immediately found my waist. Mine snaked around his neck and pulled him closer.

His torso touched my front just as his hand went down to my butt cheek. He grabbed and squeezed it.

I couldn't help but moan in his mouth. His other hand went to my hair and directed my head how he wanted it to go.

Just then I realised something. Sage and I will always go in circles. We fight, I cry then he apologies and we have sex.

Like we are going to do right now.

My mind cleared long enough for me to have the power to break the kiss.

Both of us were breathing hard.

I put my forehead on his shoulder. I pulled back my arms and so did he.

"I think I should go." I whispered breathless.

Seconds later he stepped back, he took another and another until there was at least a foot between us.

I jumped off the counter and fixed my clothes and this time when I started walking away he didn't stop me. That's when I knew I had broken the cycle.

He followed me to the living room and didn't say anything. I took my car keys and went straight for the door.

I knew if he stopped me I would stop. A large part of me wanted him to stop me but the part that's rational said I should let it be.

With each step my heart was aching and breaking. I just wanted him to stop him.

But deep down I knew it would hurt even more if I stay and play pretend any longer.

I reached for the doorknob and twisted it but I didn't open the door. I took a deep breath and turned around.

"You know the words Sage. You know you can stop me. You know what to say Sage." I told him. No I pleaded for him to say them. "Please."

I added in a small voice.

"It would be wrong of me to say them when I'll never mean them. I can't say them. I've wronged you enough and I can't wrong you anymore. Let me give you this. Let me give you freedom. I won't blackmail you anymore. I won't force you to stay. I'm letting you go."

But part of me wanted to be blackmailed into staying even if it's for another hours.

And I hate that I understood him. I hate how matured he can be but that's what attracted me to him.

He'll always be more matured than guys his age or even mine.

I couldn't bare to look at him anymore so I turned my back on him and leaned my forehead against the door.

I took a deep breath. I know the next couple of days or even weeks will be hard for me but I won't break in front of him.

This time when I twisted the doorknob I did open the door. I didn't look back at Sage again.

I left.

"Be good Smurf." I heard him whisper.

Those words broke me because they sounded like a goodbye.

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4200 words guys. That's the longest chapter I've written in a long time.

This chapter took me longer than I'd like to ever admit. Normally I'll write a chapter for 3 days max but this one took me longer than that.

It took me so many songs and stories to hype me for this chapter.

So Alora finally showed up. Please tell me how was it. Did I do it justice or what.

Do you think this is the last time we see Alora or we are gonna see her very soon.

Please do comment and vote

I love you all

Prec