Shouldn't Have Kissed You novel Chapter 41

Maya pulled herself away from the back of the couch and turned around. But that had her regretting her decision. The sun rays made had her closing her eyes more than she had done before. To her, her only rescue was to turn again and hide herself on what seemed to be more soft couch than the other days.

Her eyes were still closed but the pounding on her head were more stronger now that the sun rays had hit her. She curled up to her couch getting more comfortable than she anticipated for herself. Just when she was settled, she felt her couch move or the hangover was making her imagine things.

Hangover? That's why her head hurt that much. And it was all Kyle's fault. It was hers that she got drunk last night. Yes, it was her birthday but that didn't mean that one has to get drunk in order to celebrate...

Again, her couch moved and that's when she had her eyes open. To her horror, she was on Chris' bed and what she thought was her couch was his back. This had Maya sitting up like a lighting only to have her head hurt more.

Damn you alcohol.

She cursed as she let her hands move to her head. Just then, Chris turned to her side and opened his eyes. He looked cute when he was just waking up and that's when Maya realized that this was the second time since their marriage she saw him wake up.

The first being the day he left mark on her neck and then now. How she missed the other days? Well, she never finds him on his bed when she wakes up since he is always out working out and if not, he is asleep when she leaves.

"Good morning, Cupcake." Chris greeted her rubbing his eyes. "Had a good night sleep?"

Of course she did. She slept like a baby and she had no idea why. Maybe the alcohol did some tricks and had her forgetting about the world and thinking of nothing else.

Maya looked at Chris and replied to his greetings. He smiled at her and got up to walk to the bathroom and that's when her jaws almost fell on the bed. Chris wore nothing but his brief.

What happened last night? Why is it that I can't remember anything?

With those questions on her mind, she moved her eyes to herself and for the first time, she realised what she was wearing. And to her horror the buttons were half buttoned up.

Just then Chris walked out of the bathroom and that time she did what a dissent person would do at that very moment. And that is to draw the covers up her body.

"If I were you, I'd not hide anything since I saw it all." Chris said walking to her and pouring a glass of water from the night stand. "Here, this will help your head." He said handing over the aspiring to her.

But Maya highly doubt that. Her head just got worse thinking of what had happened the other night and what Chris made when he said he saw everything. Did they do something last night? Why can't she remember anything at all?

"What happened last night?" She asked when she swallowed her medicine.

Maya watched Chris smile no blush when she asked it. He was remembering something about last night something that Maya could not remember herself. That's not how she wanted her first time to be.

She wanted to remember everything, every detail about what takes place and when it does but Chris seemed to have done her wrong. He took advantage of her drunk state and slept with her.

Isn't that rape? But how can it be rape when they're both married. Even if she would love to go to a court, she would stand no winning change at all. That thought alone had her tears wailing up on hers.

Maya never thought that her husband would go to that extent. Of raping her. He took advantage of her. Waited for when she was drunk to have his revenge on her. And to her, he had the perfect timing. How could she be so stupid to letting herself get drunk. How could she?

"Yesterday was the best day of my life." Chris said moving to sit beside her. Maya felt her jaws tighten and the sheets in her hands.

It had to be because he got his revenge as he had promised. He promised to break her and he finally did. Her virginity was her pride. Her only thing that not even her evil father would take away from her. That was the only thing to offer to the man who would love her for being a curse in the world but he took that away from her.

"You know, you told me that I was too slow." Chris didn't seem to see her facial expression as he went on.

She told him he was slow? Was she begging him to fuck her faster and hard instead of making love to her like he was doing? What was wrong with her. How could she beg for him to have his revenge in her in such a way.

"Maya, you're right." And they locked their eyes. Each talking different language.

"How could you, Chris?" She asked as a tear broke free from her eye. "You took advantage of my state you bastard."

Chris looked shocked and her heart more than hurt. "Maya, what are you talking about?"

She saw the confusion in him. But why? He had his revenge and damn, he had it well.

"Stop playing innocent, Chris." She didn't dare to move afraid of feeling the pain on her low abdomen. She wasn't sure if she could handle it. "You raped me you sick sickle, you raped me and for what exactly? Aah? For what? To get your revenge on me. To break me as you had promised to do at the beginning of our marriage? Wow!" She exclaimed clapping her hands. "You did it well Mr. Rollins."

Maya saw the hurt on his face but she didn't give a damn about it. She didn't. Not now or ever. All her life, she has been worried about other people's happiness but not hers. She let her sick sickle of a father hurt her when she could have run away. And all for what? To make him happy if his happiness was with him hurting her.

But not anymore. She won't think of anyone else but herself. Enough was enough. Her happiness first before anything else and she wasn't going to let Chris ruin her anymore.

"Is that how low you think of me Maya? Do you think that I'd rape you just to have my revenge on you Maya? Is that how sick you think I am, Maya?" He asked locking his gaze with hers. "I agree that at first I wanted to hurt you. Hell I did that to you. I abused you in every single way I could Maya. I made you sleep on the floor, the damn cold floor and I didn't give a damn about how you felt. It gave me pleasure Maya.

"I know I sent red flowers to you with thorns because I want to hurt you. I made you meet your dad too just to have pleasure in hurting you and those are the things that I'll forever regret in my life Maya. I did that. I hurt you so much and I won't tell you that I never made you hurt you because I did Maya.

"I meant everything that I did to you. I enjoyed it when I saw how hurt you're because of me Maya. This isn't romantic moves or novel where a guy says he didn't mean to hurt there partner. Hell I meant it Maya. But the same way I meant my apologies to you after seeing my mistakes, Maya.

"I did apologies Maya. Or didn't I. I apologised to you every single time I saw you. I did that Maya. But why would you think that I would rape you? I could never stoop that low Maya. Maybe I gave you wrong vibes from the beginning but I would never hurt you or any other woman in that way Maya. I'm no rapist and neither I'm I planning to be one. My hurt is bleeding right now as I speak. I would never do anything to hurt you Maya because I love you.

"Yes, I love you Maya Rollins. I don't know how to happened or when it happened but it just did. In a way you found your way in my heart and I wouldn't replace you with anyone or anything." He broke his gaze away from her to wipe away his tears from his eyes.

If her heart hurt before, right then it was bleeding. Bleeding that she had accused him of rape when he hadn't done it. How did she know that? She had let herself not to be afraid and move and their was no pain on her lower abdomen. In fact she wore her underwear the same one she wore before she went to the party.

And if she was raped, there is supposed to be blood on the sheets but their was none. Is that how little she trusted her husband. That she was ready to point a finger at him even before he does anything. And just wait, did Chris just confess his feeling to her? Did he just say he loved her? Maya was about to ask him what he meant when he went on.

"You know, when last night you told me I'm too slow, I thought to myself what you meant and then it dawned on me. And you're right. I'm way too slow to confess my feels for you. I was afraid of what you would do when I said that I love you to you. I wanted you to trust me first, Maya.

"And I thought you did. I thought you trusted me till this morning. I really wish that you did since I do. I trust you way too much that I can follow you blindly. I don't blame you for anything Maya. I deserve every hate that you've inside you. I deserve that and much more. But I want you to remember that I love you. I love you in a way that I doubt if I loved my past lovers as I had told them before. I'll give you whatever you want Maya. Anything that you'll ask me, but please believe me when I say that I didn't rape you."

Maya watched Chris get from the bed and walk in a glorious way towards the bedroom door. She didn't know what came over her but within seconds she was hugging him from behind. Her head rested on his back as she let her tears flow. He was also crying and she blamed herself for it.

It was her fault. Hers for accusing him falsely. Hers for walking on that stage when she could have just ignored him and let him choose another person from the crowd. Her fault since she allowed him to kiss him on that same stage.

Maya let her tears flow more as she thought of her faults. Yes, hers that her father forced them into this marriage. She could have just walked away but she didn't dare to do it. She didn't dare to loose her only chance to be with her teenager crush. Maya let more tears and memories flow all from her body.

It was her fault for making women look weak in front of men. She made it look okay for women to be abused by there partners and do nothing at all when there is allot to do. Allot. There are women group that one can report to. Police stations that one can ask help for or marriage council in which one can turn to but she didn't. She chose to suffer in silence.

Then how is it not her fault? How is it that she isn't as much as fault as Chris is? Isn't that why just few minutes ago she accused him of rape?

"I'm sorry Chris," She began still rooted on his back. "I know what I did was wrong. It's all my fault and I see it now. I see how it is my fault. I let my own father abuse me in silence when I could have reported him to children welfare. I let him do what he did to use and see where it has got me to. I've just become like you and him. I've have no difference between the two of you. I accused you wrongly because in a way I don't know when you'll go back to being you.

"It's not like I don't trust you Chris. Hell, I trust you more than I trust my own self. I trust you in a way that I haven't trust before but I'm afraid that you'll leave me. Isn't that how I trusted and loved my brother but he left me still.

"I'm afraid to tell you that I love you because I don't know when you'll leave me Chris. I prefer not saying it but I already did. I love you Chris Rollins, more than I thought I'd ever love. I just hope that you won't walk away like my brother did. Or my mother at that matter Chris, the only difference is that she died before I even had a chance to meet her."

She said it at last. She saw it herself. But it was time to move on with her life. Time to start a fresh and this time with her husband that is if he still wanted that. If he wanted her to love him and him to love her.

Maya felt Chris remove her hands away from his stomach. They fell loose on her side and he moved away from her. She watched him turn the door knob and walk away from her. Maybe she deserved that. After all she accused him way too worse than any beast deserved.

Maya let her tears flow as she kneeled down. It hurt more than it hurt before. Not even her father's knife hurt the way she was hurting now. Maybe it was her turn to ask for forgiveness.