The beast and the blessed novel by Ashley Breanne novel Chapter 98

Ninety-Eight: Natalie

Natalie's P.O.V.

I could hear Her melodic voice on repeat, telling me to let go. She wanted me to lose control, control I had tried so hard to maintain. But she had been right.

I had lost control. I had let my emotions rule my magic, and now thousands were dead. It didn't bother me that they were. They needed to die to save the lives of my people. I would do it again in a heartbeat if I needed to.

But that was the problem. That was what I was scared of. What if I accidentally did it again?

How many of my own people would die because I got too angry, too scared, or too sad?

I wanted to celebrate with my pack as the city was alive with excitement. Bonfires were lit throughout the city, and people ate and drank to their hearts' content.

What we had anticipated being a long and drawn-out war, had ended in a matter of hours. We had lost so few that while they would be mourned and missed, the joy of so many returning home was something to celebrate.

Yet, I had difficulty enjoying myself when I felt like a ticking time bomb. I was too exhausted to think it would happen tonight, but what about tomorrow or next week?

My hands gripped the cold stone as I sat on the front steps of the castle, watching as Killian laughed and cheered with a drink in his hands. I had never seen him so carefree. It took almost an hour of me encouraging him to enjoy himself before he agreed to one celebratory drink.

He would be back at my side in a few minutes once his drink was gone, caring for me.

He understood that I needed a minute alone, and he respected that. Still, his eyes never strayed from me for more than a few minutes as he watched me with concern.

'It gets easier.' The voice came through the pack link, startling me.

I glanced to my left as Tobias moved to sit on the step below me, close enough to reach out and touch him if I wanted to but far enough away that I still felt like I had the space I needed.

'What does? Killing someone?' I asked before biting my tongue as I felt the lump in my throat grow more prominent, making it hard to swallow.

'Living with the fear that your strength may one day rule you. That you may hurt those you love.' His quiet admission felt more personal than I had expected, and I glanced down at the back of his head as he stared out over the land straight ahead.

Past the courtyard, there were lines of bonfires through the streets, with children running wild and adults drinking and cheering. Yet, he looked lost... broken.

His shoulders were slumped slightly forward, and his hand was clenching and unclenching as it hung over the front of his knee.

He didn't have to vocalize it for me to know that the loved ones he was worried about hurting included Joselin.

She had been healed physically but was still recovering with several other wounded warriors in the infirmary. I knew it was her choice because when I visited, she did the same thing I did and sent everyone away. She wanted to be alone.

No one knew what had happened on that mountain yet. Agatha had been lost to her injuries and Joselin...

I wasn't sure what Joselin had witnessed in those mountains or what it was like to be stabbed, but she was fighting her own demons.

'Why did you wait so long to talk to me?’ I wondered, looking back to my mate.

Killian's eyebrows pinched together as he stared at my guard. I knew he was deciding if Tobias was bothering me. But I smiled as Killian looked at me for reassurance that I was okay.

There was a long silence, and I grumbled in annoyance when Tobias didn't respond. Our conversation already had him saying more than I had expected him to say. Yet, I was still disappointed that it was over.

Killian took a sip of his drink, raising one eyebrow at me again as he impatiently waited for me to be ready for him to come back. I winked with a small smile, and he immediately started back toward me.

He wasted no time sitting behind me with his knees on either side of me. I leaned against his stomach, and he wrapped his arms around me as he kissed my temple.

’Do you want to talk about it?’ Killian asked quietly, but I shook my head right away. "Would you like to go back to our room and sleep?’ Concern was laced in his voice. I knew he didn't like that I wasn't talking to him yet about what was on my mind. He was worried about me, but he didn't need to be.

I was just impatient for my mother to return home. With her here, I would get answers about my father, we could continue our training, and she could tell me about the voice.

I never wanted to lose control again, even if it had worked out in our favor this time. What if the next time it didn't?

I also wanted to know that my mother was okay and had made it to The Sanctum safe. The fact that she was with the man I suspected to be my father would make meeting him easier, or I would be in trouble for sending him after she said she hadn't wanted to see him. She loved him, and based on how he hovered over me when he thought I was her, he still had feelings for her as well.

Killian twirled a piece of my hair between his fingers. The relaxing and gentle pulling sensation made me look up at him as my head fell back against his shoulder. "No, not yet. It is nice out here to see everyone celebrating."

'We can stay as long as you would like." His lips pressed against the side of my head before we both looked back toward our people.

Tobias stood up slowly and moved to stand guard to the side, and I felt guilty that he was here and not with the woman he so obviously loved.

’Tobias,’ I called out, and he looked at me void of emotion. ’Killian is here. You can go enjoy your evening."

His eyes lit up before dimming slightly, and he dipped in a respectful bow before taking off back into the castle. I only hoped he was going to see Joselin.

"Henry. How do you know him?" Killian asked, and I glanced down as I felt his muscles flexing in his forearm around my chest. He hadn't tightened his hold on me, but he did clench his hand into a fist as he leaned down and took a deep breath by my neck.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation, finally feeling relaxed for the first time in several days. "Who?"

Killian let out a low growl, nipping his teeth against my neck as I let my head roll against his shoulder, giving him more access to my skin.

’The man that couldn't take his eyes off my woman yesterday morning. The Alpha who almost had his throat ripped out for holding my mate's attention from me." My eyes shot open, and while the topic wasn't pleasant, I was incredibly turned on by his possessiveness.

"I don't know a Henry," I responded before linking with him so no one else could hear. 'I think he might be my birth father.'

Killian relaxed but still looked shocked as I glanced back up at him. It made me want to laugh that his jealousy and possessiveness immediately melted away. 'Does he know about you?'

As I looked out to the bonfire, my fingers began drawing circles on his knee. The pack started singing and shouting, with the music playing lowly in the background of their party, making me laugh.

'I don't think he did. But by the time he returns with my mother, he might.' I wanted to add that it was only IF he came back. Once he got my mother to The Sanctum, there was always the chance that he would turn around and return home. What was the point of returning to meet me when he couldn't be a part of my life without hurting his mate?

I would rather not get to know him at all than grow to love him just to have him leave me. To have him go back to his other children and his mate.

Tm sure they will be back soon.' Killian kissed the top of my head as I slapped my hands down on my thighs.

I was over my pity party for now. If I continued to focus on the voice, my magic, or my potential father any longer, I would drive myself crazy. I would stay sober and in control of myself as much as I could tonight. But it wasn't fair for me to take away Killian's happiness and ruin his chance to celebrate with his people on such a big night.

'Come on," I said as I stood, spinning around and placing my hands on his thighs as I leaned in and let my lips brush against his. ’Let's go celebrate with our pack. Everything else can be dealt with tomorrow."