The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance) novel Chapter 47

‘’Don’t do that, she wasn’t part of that life, and she didn’t have it in her to shoot anyone, she still couldn’t—so leave her out of this.’’ Alexi is warning him; and a hint that he loves his mother comes through, a hint that he’s capable of loving his family properly.

I find that hard to digest, and also saddened that he can feel for people yet still can’t for me. Gino mentioning the kingdom crumbling though? He thinks that kind of love will make him weak? Somehow affect who he is and how he does his job? It makes no sense to me.

‘’Still protecting her Lex, even after all this time? She failed you and turned you into this monster. You changed. Instead of dealing with the fallout, she pushed you towards dad and hushed you up about what you did, so she didn’t have to admit it happened.’’ Gino sounds ready to cry and I cry instead, aching for a little boy who shot someone to protect his family and then got shunned for doing it. His mother saw the killer in him, and instead of being grateful, she made him feel ashamed for protecting those he loved. His own mother showed him women cannot love the monster he is. That women are not to be trusted in terms of letting them close. I hate that he’s made me feel compassion but how could I not. He was a child, he was too young to be made to kill, just like I was too young to be raped and thrown into a world of sex and abuse.

‘’Fuck you, Gino, go home and stop trying to find what isn’t there. This is me … This is who I am and who I was always meant to be. Dad just helped me find my way. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a girl upstairs who needs to be reminded of who exactly I am and what happens when you fuck with me.’’ That icy tone of control is back in place, and I recoil in fear at that pulling back from the bannister and I get to my feet to crouch instead, ready to run, but I don’t want to leave just yet. I want to hear all of this. Clinging onto the last words in case I miss a morsel of insight.

‘’Leave her alone Alexi, I’m warning you. Don’t cross that line, not with her. She means something, even I can tell that, and I don’t believe she’s lying when she looks at you. I think she’s in love with you.’’

How he could even know that is beyond me. I have tried so hard to just be indifferent when he’s around me.

Alexi laughs; a blood-curdling nasty laugh that makes every part of me wither inside, dying with every moment.

‘‘You have no clue … Camilla, not even sure that’s her name, is a born liar. You can’t trust a single thing she does or says. She looks for a reaction and she pushes my buttons to test the boundaries. Don’t think for a second she hasn’t got her eye on a bigger prize, and is just biding her time to take off with the next billionaire who gives her an out. That this wasn’t planned for whatever reason and whatever game she has in her head. She tried to seduce me within seconds of meeting me, Gino! Hardly a withering wall flower of vulnerable when she’s giving me the come on to fuck her for her own ends. She throws tears and vulnerable around like a pro, you are way too soft to realise when a woman is a born player and I won’t fall for that shit.’’

Alexi, you have no clue, and here I thought reading people and scenarios was your gift. Seems you are blinded by hatred when it comes to me. Blinded by this idea that women are incapable of real deep feeling.

Why wouldn’t you doubt that? Your own mother taught you it was true. ‘‘Alexi … don’t destroy what could be, you’re wrong.’’ Gino warns pleadingly.

‘’I have no place in me for love, especially not with someone like her. I wouldn’t trust her with anything, let alone my heart. I sacrificed everything to become head of the family and I won’t give it up for any woman.’’ It stings, breaks me, and even though I hate everything about him and what he does to me, it causes a pain so deep it feels like I can’t breathe. I slump back down onto my arse and stifle another sob while breaking in two inside.

‘‘What are you going to do to her? Don’t hurt her … You know as well as I do it goes against everything we were raised as.’’ Gino sounds wary, and I am crying silently and praying Alexi listens to him. I am dreading the moment he comes up here and cannot imagine what depths of harm he will think up this time. He is sadistic as hell and can turn seemingly harmless acts into soul-destroying torture.

‘’I don’t hit women, I know the code and I follow the rules. It’s been ingrained since we were born.’’

‘‘You don’t need to hit a woman to torture her … I know you, and you will do exactly that in your own way.’’ Gino obviously knows him well enough.

‘‘Why are you standing in front of her? What is she to you exactly, and why the hell do you care so much?’‘ Alexi sounds dangerous, that hint of possession peeking through and I hold my breath and wait.

Knowing that this is as close to jealous as he gets. That control and ownership are the same to him, and his rage over his toys is like that of a jealous lover.

‘’I think she’s a girl whose been dealt a shitty life and tries to hide how badly she’s suffering. I think she’s a girl who needs someone like you to protect her, not to turn on her. She needs safety, not fear. She has a tough outer shell and walls because men have taught her to fear everyone Lex … She’s alone. You could be the one that makes a difference if you just learn to trust her.’’

Gino … … I have no words.

‘’Alessandra has made you soft Gino. You watch too many romance movies with her and she has you thinking like a woman. Go home and let me deal with my business my way … my woman, my problem.’’ There’s a scuffing noise and I get up, poised to run to my room in anticipation like a scared animal, ready to jump, and yet I halt with another voice.

‘’He’s right Alexi … She ran because she’s scared. If you punish her for this she will run again, further and faster. I doubt she will come back of her own free will next time.’’ I recognise Mico’s voice and blanch. He has never seemed to like me or pay attention to me, and apart from being Alexi’s cousin, he doesn’t know me at all. I don’t get why they are intervening unless they know exactly what Alexi is going to do to me, and they are protecting him from going too far.

This thought makes me pale and I can’t take it anymore. I get back up from my position on the landing looking over the stair case and silently tip toe to my room, pulling off my bag and quietly shut the door. Pacing to the bed and wander in a circle trying to figure out what to do. My heart racing, my blood pumping fast, my palms are clammy and sweaty with sheer nerves. I seriously contemplate climbing out the window and making a second attempt to run for it.

I know he’s coming, no matter what they say or do to try and stop him. He won’t let this lie, won’t let this go. Alexi can’t afford to not make an example of me; if this got out and he’s been lax, then it sends a message to everyone. His position is everything to him. He just made that painfully clear.

I am petrified, sitting on the edge of the bed and I kick my shoes off to pull my feet up and curl up tight to make myself small. I always felt more able to cope when I sat this way, somehow soothing myself.

Running again is futile. I will just enrage the beast to inflict even worse damage when he caught me, and I know damn well he would.

I jump when I hear noise in the hall and impulsively leap off the bed and head for the far wall to get as far from him as possible; tensing, my ears fully zoned in on the outer noises and everything in me goes to full alert. My door bursts open with vengeance and I swear I shit a brick and then some as an anger fuelled Carrero storms into my room and does a full head swipe to see where I am.

He looks murderous, extremely hostile and from here I can see every muscle in his body brimming and bulging with the tension he’s holding himself with. I back up against the wall until I feel it right behind my back, barely able to breathe but trying to hold my shit together as he stalks towards me and closes the gap between us. I have nowhere to hide and the death ray penetration of that grey glare plasters me to the wall, so I stop moving or breathing and start praying instead.

‘‘I’m sorry.’’ It comes out fast and feeble as he gets to me and I almost choke, jumping in alarm when he slams both palms at the wall on either side of my head, the loud thud making my heart jump out of my chest. His face fierce and eyes almost black with the depth of dark in them that makes him even more terrifying. He leans in almost nose to nose and tenses his jaw so tightly it squares off completely.

‘‘I should beat the shit out of you.’’ He snarls at me, his voice filled with venom and tears prick my eyes, my body shaking so badly I can feel my teeth chattering. I am trying so hard to keep my emotions under wraps but I can feel my face breaking, tears welling as I start to fall apart.

‘’I won’t do it again.’’ My voice is trembling, quiet and completely hoarse. ‘’You won’t get the chance. You’re coming back with me and if you step out of line even once, I swear I will end you.’’ Alexi isn’t playing around, and as a tear rolls down my cheek I can tell that he means every word. I have no idea what he will do to me for this and I just wish it was over already.

‘’I thought you wanted me out of the city?’’ I blurt out, hoping that if I keep him talking then this won’t go beyond being growled at aggressively.

‘’I’ve taken care of it! I swear I should turn you over and remind you who is fucking boss in this relationship.’’

I shrink back and slide down the wall a little as my body gives out on me, waning with full body fear. I shake my head, almost begging him not to do that to me again as he just stares pensively for a long moment before carrying on.

‘‘You can come back … Blend in as just another no one. If you don’t want me to punish you, then don’t give me reason to do so. You get one pass and NEVER again. Keep your head down and stay out of my way.’’ He still looks deranged but my head's swimming with his laxness, his verbal clarity that he isn’t going to do anything to me and this new information. I need to know where I am going to end up.

‘‘How? I mean … Okay.’’ I have no words. Part of me relieved he isn’t escalating this but a part of me knows that means nothing as he’s a guy who can simmer on rage until he thinks up the perfect revenge, and it just means he could be delaying it for something epic.

I feel faint, ready to completely keel over, with shallow breaths and a swimming head and I just blink up at him in wide-eyed terror.

‘’Santagato thinks I’m just possessive of all my toys now that I have more than one in the club … You won’t be something he wants anymore.’’ That makes me blink, frowning instead of fear as I try to decipher what he means.

‘’What? What do you mean you have more than one?’’ My heart flips over with that unfamiliar pang of pain and I forget my fear when faced with it. A new emotion stepping to the plate and it’s like it makes me forget why I should be cowering before him.