The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance) novel Chapter 144

That gets me blinking up at him and catch that weird half smile he does that has a crazy softness to it. My insides flip flop all over, warning me how dangerously close I am to falling right back under his spell. I need to be smarter. He has so much power over me and exerts so little effort to use it.

There is so much more weight on this now, I have to be stronger.

“Why are you being so smug and annoyingly confident right now? You weren’t so self-assured last night, so what is it that’s got you smiling and acting like I’m a done deal today?” I snap at him, not so much in anger but irritated that he is making me crazily nervous and awkward, making assumptions, and I’m making an idiot of myself. I hate that I’m not in control of me. Alexi just grins at me.

“You’re still here. My odds went up massively when you stopped trying to escape via the elevator. And you haven’t stopped blushing since you came out here. I can see it even in this light, so I’m reading that as progress.”

Wanker.

“Ugh, you’re an arsehole you know that?” I sigh at him, turning a mock raised brow and pouted facial expression but he silences me with a swift move and pauses just before we lock lips. Catching me off guard with such a smooth move so I don’t react initially.

It’s almost like he is awaiting the rejection or seeking permission, and when I make no move to stop him, too busy being mesmerised by his sudden nearness, he inches the last small gap and kisses me softly on the lips.

Moulding his warm, soft mouth to mine gently and making me incapable of any thought.

I should have stopped him. I don’t know why I didn’t. I truly am a complete idiot sometimes.

It’s not a full-on snog or a kiss that requires a response, just a soft pressing together to render me mute, delivering a very effective stomach of butterflies and skin erupting orgasm of sensations before he pulls back again. Still staying close enough to graze his nose against mine in a cocky way. Almost like confident ownership, and I have no words as I just struggle to breathe properly.

“Another ten percent rise.” He grins, annoyingly so, and I sucker punch him in the abdomen in a bout of pissed off that his words have thrown me. Enjoying the muffled ‘ugh’ that I extract from him when my limb connects with all that carved muscle; winding the son of a bitch.

“You have a lot to learn about romance.” I huff and shove him away from me harshly. Annoyed that all it took was one tiny little kiss and I turned to mush. Arrogant tosser needs a good kick in the balls.

“I’m sure you will train me in time.” He retorts and this time it’s rewarded with a glare and an unimpressed hair flick.

Cocky bastard thinks I am a done deal and I give him a sterner look than the last one. Not sure I like that he is certain that all it will take are some well-timed kisses and garbled love confessions and I’m under his spell. He seriously is a complete arrogant wanker with an ego far too big for any single man to possess.

“I liked you better when I was leaving; I might go pack a bag after all.” I sulk, sticking my chin up and get nothing but a smile from him.

Arsehole.

“Have dinner with me tonight.” He ignores my threat and swoops in with a charming smile and leans in so close I’m sure he might try for another kiss, but this time I lean away. I concentrate on getting my cup out of the microwave as it beeps, relieved to have an excuse not to look at him. Although I’m aware that he is so close to my face that one little turn sideways, and I will end up lip to lip without trying. I pretend I cannot see him and carry on.

“I have a club to run. Money to make and all that.” I point out, eyes down on my hands as I almost scald myself with hot milk and shovel in scoops of sugar haphazardly. I don’t even take sugar but it’s a task that makes it seem like I’m ignoring him. He needs to learn his place.

“Lunch then.” He presses, not giving up and I throw him an exasperated look and a heavy frown, careful to lean further back when I turn, so I do not end up knocking noses and having that mouth on me again. He isn’t moving back, despite my flip to cool and huffy, and in fact, it’s just annoying me more that he’s oblivious to it.

“We did that already, and it wasn’t that successful,” I reply dryly.

“That wasn’t … okay, forget that. Breakfast … it’s not even sunup, we have plenty of time to get ready and go find someplace to eat.”

Relentless, pushy control freak. Not taking no for an answer. How very Alexi!

“How is this giving me time to think?” I snap at him this time. Now he really is frustrating me as domineering, bossy shithead moves back in and I wonder if Alexi the love confessor was a figment of my imagination. I thought it would last a lot longer than this, but nope. Right back to his usual prick self. Pushing me around and trying to coerce me into what he wants, and not giving a toss about my boundaries and my needs.

“I changed my mind. Thinking gives you more time to convince yourself running is the right option. I’m hoping if I swoop in fast then you won’t,” he winks, and I’m totally done for. Temper snapping and full-blown diva taking hold. I won’t have him shepherding me to what he wants and trampling all over my feelings like they don’t matter. He has done that too many times. I slam the things I’m holding down and turn on him aggressively, rage igniting, and tears close behind.

“This isn’t a joke or a game! This is my heart. My life. This is a big fucking deal to me. You have no idea how afraid of you I still am, in so many ways. You hurt me so badly Alexi and you cannot just push me around and bully me into dating you just because you decide to be fucking nice and say a few sweet things to me. This isn’t how it works!” Tears erupt dramatically and blur my vision as I swing away from him to hide my upset, abandoning my cup but don’t get very far. Alexi catches me by the upper arm, naked arms in the flimsy negligee I’m wearing, and pulls me back into his embrace, wrapping me up and holding me tight. Giving me no choice but to remain his prisoner in a manly hug that’s close to boa constrictor pressure. He grips me tight, his own heartbeat pounding through his chest against mine, almost in unison.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push, and I do know how much this means. It does to me too. I’m scared of losing you, and I’m trying to be patient, but I need to be around you. I’m sorry, Cam. I really am. I don’t know how else to be, this is who I am.”

His words cool my jets a little, but they don’t turn off the waterworks running down my face. His strained tone and genuineness simmer my anger to something else entirely, but I feel prickly still and don’t want his touch.

“You’re pushing me to do what you need and want and not giving me time to breathe or think. I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t trust you. This isn’t how to change that.” I manage to push myself free from his hold and yank myself away to stand by myself, hating that he can break me down to an emotional mess without trying. He stands still and watches me, looking like his usual foreboding self, knowing he shouldn’t do anything else. He has the sense to leave me be anyway and I wrap my arms around my body to console myself. Shivering, but not because I’m cold, just exhausted with all of it. Aching for some mental peace even for a few seconds.

“I have never felt this way about anyone. I don’t know how to do this, or how to behave. I’ve never wanted this before and never knew how intense this could be. I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m not with you and now I’ve finally told you, I don’t want to pretend anymore. I’m done hiding how I feel about you.” He looks as lost as I feel, eyes boring into me so very desperately and some of my upset dissipates a little at the lost boy look on that face and the words that seem honest.

Neither of us knows how to do this, it’s not like we have a guidebook on how to love and trust.

It’s like the blind leading the blind.

“You broke me, Alexi. Really, really destroyed me, and I never fully recovered. It’s not that easy to let someone who does that back in when you found it hard enough to do the first time around.” I admit honestly, sheepishly and can’t look him in the eye anymore. Flinching when he moves towards me, caging me in with his body and traces the tears down my cheek. His breath warming my face as he moves in all around me and overtakes my space once more. My head is full of his scent and nearness.

“If I could go back and change it all, I would. Believe me, Cam. I know what I did.” The tender caress of a lover and not the man who terrorised me and reduced me to ashes. My body responds with tiny shivers and I pull his hand away from me, unable to bear this when feeling so unsure. I’m not ready for caresses and kisses. Coming through here was a mistake.

“I just need one day of space and normal and being allowed to think. I need that from you. It’s a lot to take in.”

More than anything in the world, all I need right now is to let it all sink in and catch up and try to get my head around things. I don’t even know what happened last night while he was gone, who was shot, what went down, and he hasn’t mentioned Mico at all. I guess everyone is fine as he seems completely unfazed.

I’m sure if Mico was hurt then Alexi would be a mess. He cares about him. He’s his right-hand man, cousin and best friend all rolled into one.

“I never thought that request would be so hard … I’ll try. Patience isn’t my strong point.” Alexi reverts to sheepish too, and I think he realises his confidence was a little premature. We are not just going to fall into sex and love and happy ever after like a goddamn romance book. We have so much between us, and I’m not sure if I can move past any of it with him. My life is so fucked.

I need to find a crash course in romantic relationships because I have no clue how to have one.

“Is Mico okay?” I ask finally, annoyed at myself that, until these last few minutes, I never thought to ask. So much for being his friend. I just assumed that he was okay because Alexi seemed okay and it’s only being brought up now because I’m a wimp and looking to detract him from his current conversation to give my head a break.

I’m such a shitty person.

“He’s fine. Why wouldn’t he be?” Alexi frowns as though it’s a weird question, looks a little suspicious and moves away suddenly to walk to the couch and give me space. My radar pings immediately, and despite feeling like I have been dragged backwards through an emotional bush, all my attention peaks at the sudden change in his behaviour and his obvious ignorance of a shootout in which I thought he was dead. His instant decision to give me space after practically leg humping me, says it all. I honestly might cry if this is yet another hidden story that he should have told me.

There’s more.

I know when he is being an evasive tosser. This is one of those times. I don’t know if I have the mental capacity for more though.

Oh god, but I won’t rest until he tells me. I hate my brain.

“What happened last night?” I follow him, not satisfied with vague when I need details and intel, now he has set off my bullshit detector. I need to know who was hurt and why it happened. I need to know if Alexi is in danger if he leaves this building again, the chances of a repeat. I need to know what happened.

Like it or not, I care about this wanker and I don’t want anything to happen to him. Even if my head might actually explode at anything more it has to absorb.

My stomach is swirling at the thought of a repeat of that agony and it makes my insides tighten with anxiety.

“It was nothing. Went as planned.” He dismisses me with a look that’s his normal ‘conversation over’ face and I gawp at him. The urge to smack him on the head is curbed instantly and instead I follow him a tad aggressively to where he sits down and stand in front of him.

“As planned? What are you talking about? You knew there would be a shootout?” I never once thought he would be behind something like that and put himself in the middle of danger. That takes all sorts of insane, and I thought he was smarter than that.

He surely doesn’t mean that, does he?

Alexi frowns, sighs heavily and sits for a moment, regarding me as though torn about what he should tell me. Either that or wondering why I walk around his apartment in see-through black lace scraps of satin lingerie when he’s not allowed to touch. I can never tell with his facial expressions, to be honest.

It could be he’s annoyed that he has to explain himself to me or justify his business actions, but he seems to know better than to deny me right now. I move beside him and sit-down, eyeing him up accusingly and see him relent as he catches my stubborn brow lift. A sign I’m going nowhere without answers.

He sighs heavily. His frustration is evident.

“I set it up … it had a purpose. It’s a need to know.” He shrugs it off and picks up his cell from the table, swiping the screen and I get annoyed, yank it out of his fingers and slam it down on the leather couch impulsively. Exasperated with the return of King Carrero attitude, I swear he has more personality changes than a woman on her period. It’s like he forgets he’s supposed to be keeping me sweet.

“What in the actual fuck do you mean you set it up? Oh, and you bet your arse I need to fucking know!” I say it slowly and precisely, rage consuming me that I went through all the worry and agony when he could have just told me it was his fucking doing. He could have pre-warned me that he had shit going down and was in full control the whole time.

It takes a serious kind of fucking arsehole to do that to a woman.

Alexi glares at me for my obvious anger at something he did, my nerve at taking his phone and pulls it back from the seat. Putting it back on the table in front of us, slowly and precisely to make a point that it annoyed him and grits his teeth. He’s pissed that I’m not behaving like a submissive good girl and he can’t do shit about it.

Yeah, tough cookies, sweetheart.

I’m liking this hold I have over him. Guess it works both ways and I could get used to this.

“I needed Santagato to owe me, so I could use him to my advantage. He’s not an easy man to get under the thumb so it had to be extreme.” He glances at me sideways, but I do not move an inch, still inwardly seething that I went through that emotional hell and he was the one who ‘planned’ it. What a complete jackass and I wonder if he manipulated my upset to see if I gave a shit about the stubborn headed wanker.

I wouldn’t be surprised. I bet it’s why neither he nor Mico would answer my calls.

Sadistic, self-centred asshole of a man. Honestly, what I see in him is completely beyond me. I need my head examined.

“By shooting your men?” I ask in stupefaction. Wondering how the hell he can choose to sacrifice his own family in such a horrible way. Surely, he isn’t that callous.

“By having someone shoot his son and intervening to save the kid’s life. He owes me now. He owes me big.”

I literally drop my jaw and stare at him as though he has two heads, mind blown and unable to put all that together in any logical way. Suspicion of underhanded manoeuvring of my emotions dropping away. It’s like a sick game between all these powerful men, and yet I’m struggling to figure out how shooting Santagato’s son ended up in losing some of his own. My brain is replaying some cartoon gunfight at the O.K. Corral and imagining flying bullets whizzing past his head in some Al Capone type shit.

“How in the … do I even want to know? How many of your men died?” I swallow, head reeling and just blink a lot in his general direction. Adding more weight to my over-saturated brain and I’m amazed I can still feel anything anymore.

“Umm, none. I wouldn’t put them in harm’s way. You want to know then I’ll tell you. If that’s how you want this to be; no lies, hiding nothing from you, then I’ll tell you.” Alexi sits up straighter and turns to face me. Eyes on me and I bite back my anger, confusion at the lack of death count, chew on my lip and nod at him. If Alexi is capable of transparency, then maybe there is hope for us yet, and I need to know why it was whizzing around earpieces that five or six were dead. I’m so confused.

It’s the reason I thought he was dead. I didn’t imagine it!

He sighs, a man who doesn’t explain his actions to anyone and yet here he is, having to tell a mere woman, the lowest in the pecking order in his world. He tenses that strong jaw and blows out his breath in a show of minor frustration before picking up a cushion and pulling it onto his lap to rest his hand on top of. Stilling his hands, I guess, and I mentally screw up my nose at our shared trait.

“Santagato’s son is a piece of shit who murdered a prostitute in cold blood several years back. NYPD couldn’t pin it on him and her father, who was a detective at the time, took early retirement. He had a breakdown in which he pistol-whipped Marcus Santagato in an interview and developed a drinking problem.”

None of this means anything to me so I just sit staring and nod at him. Acting like I give a shit about any of these men when I really don’t. I only care about the ones I know who went with him and how many Carrero security never came back. Some of those men I knew.

“He has been lying low for a long time, this cop out there biding his time. A little tip he would be there tonight, a gun pushed in the right direction and some clarification that Marcus was the man who killed her. I knew it would go down, and we were waiting for it.” Alexi is in serious mode, looking at my face for a reaction as he summarises, very briefly, what sounds like a plan that took a lot of setting up and I can only sit numbly and take it all in.

“Why?”

“I needed Santagato to owe me for a life. I saved Marcus after he took a shot to the shoulder. Mico and I took out detective Lafoy between us, no idea which bullet did the job, maybe both. We saved his son's life and got him out of there fast before NYPD swooped in. With it being an ex-cop, the chief made sure we were out before shit hit the fan which is why I made sure he was at dinner. Witness to my innocence, and not about to make it public it was one of his own boys in blue that shot at a restaurant of rich New York businessmen and innocent bystanders.” Alexi looks completely satisfied with his well-executed plan, that clever nature and mind on show. I literally spend a second adding all this up in my brain and really taking stock of what a genius of a shit he is.

No mention of casualties either so that means there was an error in the chain of Chinese whispers, and I got upset over absolutely nothing. Bloody Jackson and his idiot men. No one died then, except for some random ex-copper.

“You’re insanely devious, you know that, right?” I just gawp at the level of smarts this man has and can’t get my head around what sort of brain this would take. All the players falling neatly in place to get them where he wanted them. That takes skill and confidence.

“I needed the upper hand and now when Santagato reaches out and tries to clear the debt, which he will hate hanging over him, I get what I want out of it.” Alexi shrugs with one shoulder nonchalantly. A look of sheer satisfaction that all his eggs are lining up. Pleased with himself that all this came out as he wanted it to, even me throwing myself at him. I’m still not convinced that wasn’t part of his overall plan. He is just too manipulative not to factor it in.

“Which was what?” I blink at him, mind running empty on anything other than making sure the man no longer tried to infringe on Alexi’s life.

“Your immunity. He will never come after you again for any reason, even if you leave me.” Alexi locks his eyes on mine and I almost choke with that answer. Eyes widening with the weight of why he set that up and I can only blink at him for long seconds. Head unravelling that in one night he has thrown not one but two major episodes at me that blatantly declare his love. He did factor me into his plans, just not in the way I am mentally accusing him off.

He did all that to keep me safe.

He did that for me.

To ensure I would never be a walking target again where that man is concerned. I can’t even react as the realisation hits me hard and shocks me to the core. A warm fuzzy feeling curling up inside of me and sending little strange flutters right up to my throat.

“You’re insane. They could have killed you; you could have been shot.” Vision blurring as tears fill my eyes at that horrendous realisation, and again, my head is thrown into chaos about what I feel for this man.

“Maybe. I have survived it before, besides, Mico is a fast gunslinger and would throw himself in front of a bullet for me so I wasn’t worried.” He smiles at that and impulsively I slap him across the shoulder for making light of something so serious, such is my insta-rage at him. It’s not humorous in any way and joking about it is such bad form. My hand instantly stings with the force of punishing the ignorant wanker, but he just looks pleased with my violent assault.

I think he is seriously deranged and in much need of having his head examined, more so than me.

“That’s not funny. None of this is. You instigated a shooting and put yourself in the path of a crazy gunman you complete tosser.” I snap at him, voice hoarse with the sheer force of emotion running through me. That fear of something happening to the idiot, making my insides ache with an acute type of pain that threatens to take my breath away or cause a massive coronary.