The Vampire Teacher (GirlxGirl) novel Chapter 115

"I think you need to go and rest darling." Brenda's mother told me as we walk out of the kitchen.

"I'm fine mom really." I assure her she was so worried about me and I understand her.

"Are you really okay? Brenda aasked me when we reach the stairs smiling at me.

" I'm fine love really I just wish I could stop having this flashes really I just want to have a normal life it's all. "I said walking up the stairs with LJ's small hand in mine.

" Maybe I can do something."Brenda said next to me as I look at  her.

" What?

" Compel you." she told me as I just look at her not knowing how it will help any of my flashes.

"Babe please stop joking around." I told her walking up to chrissy's room.

"I'm serious here Lucia please I can see you like this while I know I can do something let me just compel you to forget that everything had happened for this week and then I will take it back and then you can choose what you want but please think about the baby. "she told me as I look at her not believing that everything is just about the baby.

" Baby, baby so everything will go about this child who I don't want if you care so much about this child who is not even born yet then I don't know what I will meant for all of you here in this house when she is born. I don't care about this child and no Brenda  just leave me the yell alone! I scream at her and speed off towards my room leaving them in front of chrissy room and lock myself in the room crying.

You know what I touch my stomach feeling how she kicks me I don't care about you you became a problem for me I don't want you I don't need you just die okay I scream hitting on my stomach so many times feeling the pain on my fits on my skin making me growl out as I just wanted to rip this child out of my stomach and throw her away.

"I hate you I hate you! Scream throwing  and destroying everything in my away screaming so hard.

" Lucia open up this door please I heard Brenda's voice calling for me.

"I hate her, I hate her. "I cry.

" Honey no please don't this to yourself. "my mom spoke knocking on the door but I just couldn't I hate this new life of mine this is not the way I wanted to have this child and I can't stand having her in my body she is disgusting she is dirt and make feel more and more dirty I can't even kiss Brenda probably she can't even touch me and then I get those stupid flashes I can't live like this I can't I just wanna die and never came back. How will I ever make Brenda happy I scream and push my wardrobe away seeing it fall down broken on the  floor hearing yells and screams out side my door.

"I don't wanna live this life." I stop still biting on my nails when I heard Brenda said she is going to break the door speed out of my room through the window and run I run through the tich trees feeling the sun on my skin and hearing Brenda call for me to came back and I just know she would follow me so I transport myself into my old room of the house of me and mother. My room was very dirty and dust I walk up to my bed seeing the drugs still on my bed the same way I have I have left it. I thought Norma was here to clean up the room  but why haven't she. I just hope she is fine.

I climb on my bed and pick up the small plastic bag with so many white stuff in it making me growl as I pour some on the back of my hand and snuif it through my noise sightimg as the calmness took me over. I throw myself back on the bed waiting for it to sink in but it was just no enough as I pour a little more on my hand and snuif again making me laugh so hard hearing Brenda's voice in my hate not to do anything stupid. I suddenly froze when I think about Brenda's words and the way the baby was kicking me so hard. I felt so guilty about everything I wouldn't see LJ anymore if Brenda found out about this.

"Oh fuck Lucia what have you done? I asked myself as tears roll down my face feeling very guilty. My head start to hurt so much as I couldn't understand what's happening to me so many voice were busy talking in my mind and I just couldn't stop it from talking.

"Shut up just shut up." I scream turning around trying to where all the voice coming from.

Brenda is not going to forgive and will never see my daughter again what have I done I cry rolling myself into a boll as hold my legs close to my chest thinking about Brenda and LJ. I can't lose them now but I have already I just could have accepted Brenda to compel me but I just thought about myself again.

"I'm so stupid, so stupid." I clap myself all in the face with tears rolling down my face.

"Lucia please tell where are you? I heard Brenda's voice asked me.

" I'm a mess Joan I won't be able to make you happy I'm sorry but I can't  I'm dirty and I know you don't want me I wouldn't be a good mom to LJ just reject me please Brenda . "I told her in the mind link.

" Lucia just tell me where are you okay please I don't care how dirty you are and I'm not going to reject you let me help you. "she said  as she sounds like she was crying.

" No one can help me Brenda .