Touching the Heart of Ace novel Chapter 43

??I kiss my baby??s toes. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm. I kiss my baby??s feet. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm. I kiss my baby??s knees. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm. I kiss my baby??s tummy. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm. I kiss my baby??s fingers. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm. I kiss my baby??s hands. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm. Now I kiss my baby??s cheeks and then she will fall asleep. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm.??

Well she did not. She just blinked drowsily at me with her soulful eyes. So similar yet so different from her daddy. Robbie eyes always held pain, passion, anger, the all-knowing look that came with the experiences that would make a lesser man crumple.

My Princess had the most innocent eyes in the world with a slight twinge of mischief when she wanted a cuddle or a quick kiss.

??I love you baby girl.??

She smiled, a drip of drool falling to her chin. Did she know what I was saying to her? Did she know that she had my heart in her tiny palms? That if a moment came where she would demand my heart literally I would give her mine without a single regret.

No, she didn??t.

Not yet anyways.

??Sleep, Baby Angel.?? She blinked again scowling at me. It was her nap time and she did not want to. She stretched her chubby tiny arm to me and I quickly pressed a kiss. ??You know what daddy brought for you yesterday???

I jumped up and she whined clearly distressed not seeing my face anymore.

??I am here, sweetie, I be right back.?? I came back as quickly as I went. Her innocent widened with wonder at my ??tada??. She kicked her legs, trying to get the gift quickly.

I chuckled and picked up the toy sunflower. I slowly put it up her swing, my baby??s eyes following the bright yellow flower with leaves hands clutched close to its face. It was like the flower toy could not believe that my baby was this pretty.

I gently tapped the petals which made the flower bob its head sideways and Little Lia squealed.

But soon her eyes found mine and she gurgled. ??I know baby, it is beautiful. But you are more beautiful. Now, my little baby, take a nap. So you will turn more pretty when you wake up.??

She blinked and yawned tiredly. Yet, she fought her sleep to keep on staring at me, ignoring the bobbing flower. I brushed my hand on her head. I still could not get over the fact that she was so tiny and cute and pretty and...

I sighed.

I rubbed her fuzzy head and slowly she slipped to the dream land with a frown. I shook my head, and kissed her forehead. It was like she was frowning because she did not get her kiss because she relaxed just like that. I smiled. God! My heart.

How could anyone reject such a precious child? Then again postpartum depression made Janice blind or that was what doctor said.

It was by accident that I found out, that Janice was not fond of Lia. A new nurse accidently took my girl to Janice to feed her. God! I was sleeping and woke up to my baby??s pained screeches. Janice cussed up a storm towards her own daughter.

Called her... I did not want to remember it.

??TAKE THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!!??

I frantically ran to the voices and took Lia off the frozen nurse. Robbie almost turned the whole hospital down if not for his distraught daughter crying on my chest. He almost got that nurse fired.

It was like Janice hated everything that got to do with my girl.

??No one asked you to fuck me, you, pathetic bitch. This changes nothing. I don??t...?? Robbie said to Janice which I accidently heard because honestly I was scared he would do something disastrous.

What was that supposed to mean? Were they not in this situation together? Robbie clamed up for several days, clutching baby and I closer.

I went back to college after a few days, but then the situation got out of control, which no one bothered to explain to me. I hated when they coddled me and refused to talk to me like an adult; even Robbie.

Mom personally asked if it would be a bother to look after the princess in the weekends. Aunt Marie could not take care of the baby, with her depleting health. Of course I agreed, it was the least I could do.

When we got discharged, Robbie and Lia did come to his penthouse, so I could manage between studies, teaching, and taking care of her. But my pretty little Princess was a diva, kicking, screaming and clawing Robbie, so she could be with me.

Long story short, I was at Robbie??s beach house.

I frowned when the calling bell, went off.

Who might that be?

I opened the door to a stoic Jason. I turned around gulping knowing what this visit was about.

??Ace, tell me, what I heard is wrong.??

I hated when Jason called me Ace; he only called me that in anger.

??Come in, I was going to make some lunch. Do you ha...??

??Drop the act, and tell me.??

??What do you want me to tell???

??That you are not ??taking a break?? from your post-graduation programme.??

I wringed my sweaty palms together.

??Haha... about that... it was not big deal... I just take this semester off, everyone doe...??

??ONLY YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF GOING BACK.??

I jumped and tried to calm his down. ??SHH... Please, she is sleeping, lower your voice, please Jace.??

??I DON??T FUCKING CARE IF SHE IS STANDING UPSIDE DOWN.?? Jason ground his teeth together, closing his eyes. ??So, it is true???

??She needs me, Jason... I...??

??I DON??T CARE. What the fuck is wrong with you??? He chuckled humourlessly ??Do you have any idea what you are getting yourself into? Are you a retard? Taking care of someone else??s baby! You... You are...??

He yanked on his hair. ??It does not matter, because you are coming with me. You are not dropping out and sure as hell not turning yourself into a permanent babysitter.?? He took my wrist, and dragged me to the door.

??Jason stop. You don??t understand.??

??OF COURSE I DON??T!... What are you? What the fuck are you doing here???

??Please stop cussing. She mig...??

??Stop cussing? Jesus Christ, did you ask me to stop cussing, for that... that...??

??Jason. I don??t care what you think, but call her names we are going to have a problem.??

??You... you are serious... You are fuc...??

I glared at him not backing down.

??Are you nuts, Ace? Are you... you know what you said to me? You will talk to the daddy dearest to break things off with you and you know what you did? Came back holding his baby like you fucking popped it out! Jesus Christ.?? Jason started laughing with his wet eyes. ??Why are you not finding it funny? I find it extremely funny.??

I knew Jason would not understand. But... she... she needed me. I needed her. I was not doing anything wrong.

??Ace, I know you think you are doing a good thing, because you are damn fucking stupid to think of yourselves but listen to me, it is one thing to have an affair; another different thing of whole another dimension to move in to his house and play little housewife, to take care of your fuck buddy??s baby.??

My heart was breaking with each words.

??I am... not... she needs me.?? I mumbled.

??SHE DOESN??T. She is a fucking baby; it does not care about you. It does not love you, just like its daddy will never love you. You are letting the whole fucking family use you like a toilet paper. When they are done shitting, you are going to be thrown away like the used asswipe you are treating yourself to be.??

I did not bother to reply. He was right. But...

??That fucking thing is nothing but a nuisance. Its mother does not need it, its grandmother does not even bother to show up and... those are signs, just come with me...??

??Leave.??

??What???

??Leave. You are not talking about her like that.??

??Are you choosing that...?? Jason flinched at my look. ??Over me? Goose, I know...??

??You know nothing... This is her home; you are not treating her that way in her own home. You are right, she will never love me, just like her father, but I am not here because she loves me. I am here because I love her.?? I did not let tears fall, not for this, never for this.

??God! You are fucking... That kids needs it parents, real parents. You will never be able to love her the way you think you do.??

??And why is that???

??BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ITS FATHER! AND SHE IS NOT YOUR KID. YOU CAN??T LOVE HER.??

??Then what is you and my mom doing???

Jason looked like he was slapped. ??It is different and you know it.??

??You. Of all the people who I thought who will stand against me, I did not think I would hear this from you. If a kid needed its real parents, what happened to you? If only a birth mother can love her kid, why does my mom fucking love you like she does me? Even more than me, because she thinks she lost a lot of time not knowing you. She is trying to fill every affection you craved from a loving mother, and you had the audacity to throw that away with a sentence???

??It is different.??

??How???

??BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL LOVE YOUR MOM TILL THE DAY I DIE, BUT THIS CHILD WOULD NOT. You will die, Goose. You don??t know how you love. I know. I saw it with my own eyes. How you... You don??t know how you fucking stopped breathing in my arms, because your heart was... I don??t care if you hate me. If you don??t come with me now, I am telling mom about you and Robert.??

??Y... You won??t...??

??Oh, I will. Come with me.??

??NO!??

??Fine! Watch me.??

??Jace, please... I... She will hate you for keeping it from her.??

??Then this time I know why someone hates me. I will take it as a win.??

??JASON! Please.??

??GET RID OF THAT DEMON CHILD AND COME WITH ME.??

Tiny cough like cries. She was awake, did she hear all this? How long was she awake?

Pain filled my heart, like a stab.

She was not even wailing, she was just... as if she knew she was not loved and she was trying to hold all that pain in but her tiny heart could not keep it in.

??My baby...?? I ran to her and tried to pick her up, but she refused. She turned her tear stained face away. She was sad, and there was nothing I could do.

??Princess, I love you so much... I... You don??t know how much I love you... I...?? She was not listening to me, her face still turned away from my chest and she was trying not to make a peep.

??I...?? Jason started.

??Not.one.word. I don??t care if you tell mom. Go ahead.?? I never hated anyone like I hated Jason right at the moment. Why was he not supporting me? ??Oh and Jason Andrei Philip, if you think that mom knowing about us, will stop Robert from coming for me, you are sadly mistaken. I have no illusions that he loves me but... if he is breathing, he will come for me. He will fu... drag me from my mom??s hands if he has to. Go ahead and see what happens.??

I tried to cuddle up with Lia but she was kicking my chest trying to get away.

Jason stood in front me, and he was swarmed with guilt.

Lia gave him a cursory glance before fighting me again.

Her eyes! No child, let alone a tiny baby, should have that pain in their eyes. The pain of heart break. No child should never know what it was like to be not wanted.

Did I fail to protect to keep her innocent eyes from pain? I was an overall failure, but never did I ever thought I was this useless in my whole life.

??Baby, girl, I am here, please look at me...??

??I was not shouting at you.?? Jason was not talking to me, but to my baby. ??I swear, I was not... My brother, your Dave, is being difficult. We fight all the time. It is not serious. I promise, I was not shouting at you. I know you are a baby, and you are innocent. I was just...I am sorry. I...??

Lia gave Jason a look, not at all believing him. But after the fifth sorry, she gently stretched her arms to be picked up.

??I have never touched a baby in my life.?? Jason took a step back, scared, and she took her arms back. My baby gave out a tiny cough before tears slowly trickled down her already wet face.

??No, no... I... Fuck it! Shit! No... DA...?? Jason slapped his mouth hard and picked her up in the most awkward way possible. She was dangling in air as Jason stretched his arms as far as it goes.

??Oh, you want to sit on the couch? Okay.?? Jason walked like a cardboard, and sat on the couch, my baby still dangling on the air. ??Now what???

I sighed. I went and helped Jason hold my baby properly in his elbows. Jason was so lost in my baby and his apologies to give me a hard time for wiping her wet face.

I swept all my emotions under the rug and made myself busy with cooking lunch.

Robbie came from office a little early than usual. ??What is he doing??? I did not rat Jason out. Robbie would kill him, my brother or not without shedding a tear. I had my moments of hate to Jason but I loved that shithead to death to see him die so horrendously.

I shrugged. ??To give me hard time for taking the sem off.??

Robbie nodded and went to change his work clothes. I checked on Lia and she was sleeping soundly while sucking on her thump; Jason was still apologising to her from bottom of his heart.

I gently picked her up from Jason amidst his protests and claims of being absolutely fine to hold her for hours.

??You can say sorry after her nap.??

I put her down in the cradle wincing at her red cheeks and nose. I hoped she got no fever.

I was putting together burgers when Robbie and Jason had their not so friendly conversation about my being here.

??... there are live-in nannies and you can afford it. Ace has to move away when your wife comes back, anyways. He is passionate about his studies and he should not have to choose.??

??Jason is right, Angel.?? Robbie agreed. I somehow managed not to chop my fingers off in surprise.

That fast?

Ace, you truly are a asswipe.

??Kicking me out already???

Robbie stood up fast and hugged me to his chest. ??Kicking you out!!! Where do you... Ace!?? He huffed and I pushed him away, julienning the carrot for pickles.

He came back again and kissed my nape. ??You should go and study. He is right, you should not choose. We are fine. You come here on weekends, or we will move to the penthouse. But taking the semester off is not a good idea. I was already against it. Now Jason is also seeing it my way. We can find a nanny.??

??No.??

??But...??

??It is not up for a discussion. Princess is not getting a nanny. I am fine until Janice is back.??

??That is the thing, Angel, Princess only needs me and I am capable of...??

??What? I am a burden now???

Robbie was getting angry but his words were killing me. ??Ace, you know that is not true. Stop trying to pick up a fight. I think you should study.??

??Either I stay here and look after her or I am not coming here ever again.??

Robbie took a deep breath and wiped his face.

I heard a whimper in the baby monitor. ??She is awake.?? I told no one in particular. ??Jason, set the table.??

Princess was moody and I could not blame her. She avoided everyone and curled on my chest without making a sound.

I did not know Robbie and Jason could eat my food together without trying to cut each other??s throat with butter knife.

??Want some more pickle??? I served Jason some more without waiting for his reply. He loved everything salty and vinegary.

I fed Little Baby while they enjoyed their burgers. ??Milky milky... Is it sweet, baby??? I jiggled her gently while she kept on staring me.

You have me, my sweetheart. Even if you won??t remember me one day, I will love you all the same.

She warmed up after her bottle. Even gave Jason two pats on his face. He melted like a goo. When Jason blew a raspberry on her tummy, it was like he never made her cry.

God! She was an angel.

She leaned to me from Robbie??s hand wanting to eat what I was having. I had expected this, and kept a pureed apple beside me. I dipped my finger in it and rubbed it on her tiny lips. She was not old enough to have anything other than milk.

After the third rub I nodded to Robbie and he took her away from me. ??Baby Angel and I are going to watch the sky.?? He announced and I waved.

Jason served me the seconds and felt his hand on my shoulder.

??Dave, I...??

I waited for him to collect his thoughts because it did not matter. I was not leaving.

??I don??t know how to help you, Goose.??

??Just be there for me.??

Jason was right but there was nothing I wanted to do by leaving Little Baby and Robbie alone.