Touching the Heart of Ace novel Chapter 59

??Boys...??

Uncle Fred called for us and Jason tightened his hold on my calf.

He hid face on my lap and his tears soaked my pants again.

??Jace...?? I sniffled and shook his back.

??I can??t... I can??t...?? He was shaking so bad.

??Mom is happy, now... Slave... Let us say our good bye...?? Tears dripped of my chin and fell on his head. I looked pleadingly at Robbie who was standing behind Uncle Fred, seemingly calm and collected.

??Come on, bud...?? Robbie gently lifted Jason off my lap and I stood up clutching him to my body. He handed some tissues to Jason and me. ??I will arrange for your entrance.??

I noticed Jason was not moving. ??Slave...??

??They are waiting for you, not me.??

??Nonsense.?? Uncle Fred hugged Jason. ??You are her son. Now hold my hand. Let us go.??

We stood on the either sides of Uncle Fred and walked to the altar. People nodded at us on compassion and some whispered heart felt obituaries.

Our beautiful mom.

Jason and I hugged each other as Uncle Fred walked first to say his parting words. My eyes searched for my man and child.

??Dav...?? I heard a tiny shout and saw Robbie covering Lia??s mouth making Jason and I chuckle. Robbie whispered something to Lia, making her pout and I waved until she smiled.

??I want to sit.?? Jason told me in a shaking voice and we knelt down on the grass, his head on my chest. ??I can??t... Goose... I can??t...??

It had been three days since mom left us to join the love of her life. We were expecting it, but nothing really seemed real until today.

Jason was not coping well. He had so little time to feel her love and he was still a baby to her in every sense. I had known my dad, I had seen how their love was, I understood how mom

But Jason...

The first two days were hectic and I was thankful for Robbie??s ever loving commanding presence.

I had known nothing nor had Jason.

Robbie... he took all the matters to his own hands. From securities to V.V.I.P??s to food and accommodation... it was all Robbie.

My eyes searched for him again and saw him standing next to Uncle Jack with Lia. He nodded his head and gave me a small understanding smile.

What would I do without him?

The people who gathered to see her one last time were in hundreds of thousands and it was overwhelming. Important people needed important welcomes; and I was too shaken and numb to do anything other than sit on the places Robbie made me sit.

The President could not make it, he was not in station but he had called in video conference, extending his deepest condolences. But Vice President did come, mom was an active participant during their election campaign, so someone had to come. The security protocol was out of proportions but Robbie handled it well.

Then there were several ministers, some dignitaries from other countries and... it was so not real.

Everyone hugged me and asked me to stay strong but no one knew how.

I was thankful Robbie watched over me like a hawk and took me to short breaks so I could cry without making a scene. Robbie took care of Jason too, and my heart soared seeing them behave like real brothers.

Mom had to go. I knew it, but...

I would never see...

No.

This was what she wanted.

The third day, was only for families and close friends... I had no idea how I could ever tell Robbie how thankful and deeply touched I was.

I was not listening to anyone or anything. I could not.

I knew the words spoken were filled with love, respect and care for my mama but all I could do was remember my childhood and I could not pull myself out of that.

I was dragging Jason with me, his knees were literally shaking and one of us had to be strong and I had to... for my brother.

??Tell your best friend I am still mad.?? I whispered to mama, who was smiling and looking in her late twenties. That glow... that beauty... Of course she was glowing, her lover had asked her to join him and they flew away together... She looked picture perfect. Mom looked as beautiful as she was in her wedding photos.

Little Lia ran to me with a handmade bouquet with was not properly tied and had all the beautiful leaves and flowers she had found.

??Davey... Daddy say baby geev Gamma...??

I tried very hard to smile with my wobbly lips but I finally clutched her to my chest when the pressure in my heart became too much. ??Grandma... loves... bouquets.??

She did.

Especially handmade ones by me and Lia.

We had fallen in the tradition of making bouquets together to give Lia??s Gamma whenever we visited. The first time she saw a tiny Daisy surrounded by some leaves- the bouquet Lia made with her small hands- mom had laughed and cried together, making my Little Baby so confused.

The one on my mom??s coffin was the one I had made. I took her hand and helped Lia place hers on top of mine.

She ran back to her daddy, all giggles and happy.

Dear God!

What I would not give to keep my baby that innocent and happy all the time!

Jason and I watched the whole ceremony in trance. When Father Gregor asked us if we had anything to ??tell?? we just whispered ??I love you, Momma??... that was all we could bring ourselves to speak.

Robbie made us sit on a bench and we just...

It was over.

Everything was over.

How?

When?

When it was time to leave, we both followed Uncle Fred who was calling our mom names and cussing at her for not waiting for him, but then he said to himself that he could leave Uncle Jack, yet. That was the only reason why he was not that angry.

Old people were weird.

But then Jason felt so heavy in my arms enough to make me stumble... ??JACE!!!??

He was shaking and he would have dropped face first if I had not kneeled and slowed down his fall.

??ROBBIE!!! ROBBIE... Jace... Jace... what is going on? Jace... Open your eyes. What??? His eyes were rolling inside his eyelids and I screamed for Robbie again.

I saw Uncle Jack taking Lia inside as Robbie came to us running. ??He... he...??

??Everything is fine baby... Let us take him inside... It is okay... He is fine.?? Robbie gently pushed me away and picked up Jason.

I was fretting but I could not help it.

??He is fine... Why don??t you sit down with his head on your lap??? I nodded trusting Robbie with all my heart.

??Jace...?? He was sweating so bad and his chest was spasming... small hums left his mouth and I was scared out of my mind.

Please...

I could not bear this.

Frankie came running with a big jug of water and a glass. Robbie poured some water on his hand and kind of threw it on Jace??s face. I wiped his face as soon as he was drenched in water.

??Jace... Slave... can you hear me? Jace... please open your eyes...?? I rubbed his chest and Robbie splashed water on his face again. ??Jason please...??

His eyes slowly but he shut it fast again. ??m... k... Im k...??

He was taking breaths like he had run a marathon. ??Jace... can you hear me??? I patted his cheek and he nodded weakly.

??What do you want, Jace? Are you feeling okay???

??Sleep... I am fine... tired...??

??Okay... okay... sleep now... I got you... I got you... Robbie, Jason wants to sleep.??

Robbie nodded but he asked Jason. ??Can you sit up now? Come on sit up.??

??I guess... So tired...?? But Jason sat up from my lap and Robbie kept a firm hand on his shoulders.

??Breath.??

Jason nodded and his upper body swayed though he was sitting and I hugged him again.

??That is it... You are all good.?? He slapped Jason cheeks twice before helping him stand up. I hovered over him because I was still worried. What if he fell again?

Jason threw his arm on Robbie??s shoulder and they slowly walked to a guest bedroom before Jason fell on the bed with a sigh.

I took of his shoes and undressed him from his suit.

??Stay with him Angel, I will bring something for him to drink. It is just shock and he fainted. It is okay now... Stop crying, baby.??

??Is he really okay, Robbie? I am scared... Maybe we should call a doctor.??

I had never seen Jason like this. No wonder he got scared when I had panic attacks, this was scary and he only fainted.

??I promise, love. He is all okay now. No need for a doctor. Wait here.??

Jason started crying again and I took of my suit before hugging him close. ??Jace...??

??She left me alone, Goose. What do I do? I have no mom now. I have nobody. My mom... Dave... My mom.??

Liz came in running. ??Is he okay? Tell me he is okay...??

I cried as she climbed on our bed throwing her heels somewhere to the door.

??Who do I have now? Mamaa...?? Jason??s whole frame shook as he cried to the pillow and Liz yanked him to her.

??You have us, fucking asshole.?? Her words were mean but it was laced with concern love, and care.

??You have everyone Jason. You have me... Liz... Robbie... and Lia loves her JJ... You have everyone. She had to go, Slave... She went happily because she knew you have us... We have each other. Please... Jace... Look at us.?? He did not but his fist tightened on my wrist.

Robbie came back with a concoction in his hand. ??Jack Kennedy is looking after our kids.?? He told Liz.

Frankie came in with a serving trolley. ??Please eat.?? He whispered before leaving us all alone again. That man still worked, even when his heart was breaking just like rest of us.

Robbie handed the drink to Liz knowing Jason needed her firm hand to drink or eat anything.

??Robbie... can you please check on Frankie? And make sure he is not over exerting himself... I...??

??Shh... anything for you love. I have arranged caterers. But Frank is adamant in serving them. I will see what I can do.?? He kissed my forehead before leaving.

The whole home felt so lonely and silent as the night came along. We all picked on our foods as the kids laughed, shrieked, giggled and ran around.

I had told Robbie to look after all the kids and no one was to scold for having fun. My mom would want them to laugh. Their laughter had so much love unlike these people who was sitting in their expensive new black costumes and whispered in fake sadness.

Many of these people were obligated to attend my Aunt Marie??s funeral, they did not. They blamed their busy life. They could at least attend the service I had arranged with Father Gregor.

Nobody cared.

It was again just us. Mom, Jace, Robbie, Lia and I.

And I was not a fool to think this people loved my mom. They loved my mom??s money, power and all the favours that came with being mom??s acquaintances.

Now they wanted me to know that mom was more inclined to them than anyone else. And they were ??reminiscing the good times?? my mom and they shared.

??You know what Clair said? As long as she sees me, her all worries fade away... because she trusted my intuitions. She knew I loved her and that is all I need.??

I gritted my teeth.

??That is nothing. She found out I asked my Uncle??s best friend??s nephew to invest in her husband??s first business venture. I remember her crying and being grateful. I begged her not to tell anyone you know. I did not do it for anything but my love for her.??

I felt a firm hand on my thigh and saw Jason poking on his peas. ??Not worth it.??

I sighed and took a deep breath. He was right. I was getting riled up for nothing.

??David...?? Mrs. Wetherby wiped her mouth gracefully... ??We need to discuss something serious and private. This needs to stay in family.??

??Go on. There are no strangers here.??

I saw her eyes slipping to Jason but I did not follow her eyes and reveal myself that I knew what she meant.

??Real family...?? She smiled so compassionately.

I hated people like her. She was the one who whispered to my mom that I was a disappointment. She told my mom that she was willing to give up one of her three sons for my mom to raise as a Truscott or her empire would be in shambles.

She was once married to my mom??s third cousin before he left her for a younger Russian model, but she had birthed him three sons and his family still considered her as his wife.

And she wanted real family in this conversation.

I covered the hand on my thigh and squeezed. Jason was not going anywhere.

??Is there anyone in this company that is making you not speak up your mind??? Jason slowly rolled one pea from the left side of his plate to right one and dragged a piece of carrot from right to left. Mrs. Wetherby was drilling holes on Jason??s head, telepathically asking him to take the hint and leave.

??Jason, mom hated when you colour codes your veggies. Sorry, ladies, out of her sons, I was my mom??s favourite child.?? I pointedly looked at everyone and I noticed how their face had a glint of green.

??In your dreams, Goose, she said as long as I eat them at the end, I was a good boy.?? He stuck his tongue out.

??Gross! Mom would have poked it with her fork.??

??Yeah, she would have.??

We fell silent, thinking of the times we drove our mom crazy with our antiques.

Jason chuckled. ??Then she would stick her tongue out when we pout. We have a very mean momma.??

I nodded smiling. ??That we have. Very mean indeed. Oh, that time she pulled you by your ear for standing on that antique chair and then she stood on it to take down that file? God, your face!!! I never have seen a betrayed look on your face ever again.?? I cracked up.

??You are telling me? She told me I could stand on it after I had gone crazy of rising two hellhounds as sons.??

He started laughing too.

We fell silent lost in our memory lane.

I heard a sniffle. Then he started colour coding his veggies again. ??Ignore my brother. He is special... Stop kicking me, you are so special. I said it with love. You are so special. Mom always says so. Anyways, what do you want to discuss about Mrs. Wetherby.??

She cleared her throat. ??I hoped I could keep this in real family but... you are so young and naive... there are people who would want to... exploit this current situation you are in... You need help... people you can trust and... genuinely care about your wellbeing...??

I nodded.

??Since you are not acquainted in anything business related, you might want to ignore your mom??s wishes for a short period of time... may I say for a decade perhaps... before involving other people in your family business... Our family business...?? She blinked so lovingly at me.

??Mrs. Wetherby is right, Son. And you have very close family members that are willing to die for you. You do realise the closer the blood relationship is... closer the love bond. Blood is thicker than water.?? Mr. Doyle said pointedly looking at Mrs. Wetherby and I noticed how red her face was.

He made her eat her own words. She was not an immediate family and he called her out on that.

How pathetic these people could get?

I heavily depended on Jason??s hand on my thigh that I was hold on to, to give me strength not to snap. Jason and I had only lowered our mom to her grave only a few hours ago. I noticed how whispers were steadily rising on claiming who loved me more and who was more related to Truscotts.

I cleared my throat and got ignored. Some had already started on the discussion of how the name of the company was going to be changed to accommodate their family names.

??My brother has something to announce.?? Jason said in a firm voice and everything went silent for a few moments.

??You are no brother of young Davidson.?? Mr. Hogan, who, I had no idea what the real familial connection was, roared.

Jason snorted. ??Still a better brother to Dave than someone who sold his ??real?? sister for a few bucks.??

Mr. Hogan gulped. It was a taboo topic in the family. No one acknowledged that wrong doing, no one discussed it, it was swept under a rug and no one had the guts to say that on his face.

Except my Jason.

It was no secret that the Hogans went bankrupt about a decade ago, and to save their face and escape from prison time the youngest of the siblings who was barely eighteen was married off to a sixty-year-old multi-millionaire.

No one knew about the marriage until after the news spread like a wild fire when she gave birth to a son before her nineteenth birthday. The whole situation had blown out of proportions. She had exhibited mental instability and many women came forward claiming her husband was a sexual predator and his bedroom behaviours were... not humane, that no even animals could... do many of his inclination on their mates.

But the Hogans stood with that... that... sad excuse of a... son of a bitch and this brother dragged his own sister kicking and screaming to her ??beloved?? husband.

No one heard of her ever since, but her son became the sole heir of multi millions her old husband had left, when he died of heart attack while doing a sexual act on a prostitute.

The court could not find enough evidences to pin anyone on account to the mishap of the missing lady- a girl actually.

Hogans regretted their decisions later; they really did. But not at the time where they could do anything about it. Even this brother... had begged to anyone who would listen to help him find her sister.

But too late.

The son had grown up to a nice young man, we had met on several occasions and we had a healthy relationship enough to call him over to all family functions and he attended. He had come during the ceremony but left after the formalities were done.

Someway all his uncles and aunts dotted on him for the mistake; no the crime, they committed to his mother.

I ignored the stunned Hogan.

??If anyone wants Jason out of here, you can always leave. This is his seat. Our mom, Jason and I spend our dinner together like this. I can??t break our tradition. Unlike what many of you think mom never kept any secrets from me. Especially incidents related to family. She is not one to show a dark face who visits her home, but... does not mean she was a fool.??

I noticed many of them gulping and observing their dinner plates with utmost care.

Yeah! I know how many of you tried to trap her in a marriage, tried to drift my parents apart, tried to take over our company by unfair deeds.

Many times, they had succeeded. Failures were indeed inevitable but Truscotts never stayed in the ground for long.

I stood up dragging Jason with me.

??Mom??s will is to be read tomorrow at ten. I would not ask you to stay if you are to ignore her wishes. I am her son; there will be nothing I would not do if she had asked me. Oh, and about business, I never told anyone that I was not interested. I was rather... afraid. But now I have no reason to.??

I pulled Jason as I left the dining room.

He sighed and slumped tiredly on my shoulders. ??Vultures.??

I nodded. Not all of them but nobody would raise their voice against them if they tried to suck my blood dry.

??How did it go??? Robbie was waiting worriedly for us.

??Terribly.??

??Did they say something to hurt you two? I will...?? His vein on the forehead throbbed and I gently caressed his forehead and he leaned to my touch.

??Nothing we could not handle. Did you eat???

??Lia did. I was waiting for you. Jason, Frank made your favourite. Chicken Alfredo.??

??I am not hungry.?? Jason pushed off from me, hugged Robbie and went to his room.

??He is not taking it well, is he, baby??? Robbie asked me, looking at Jason??s closed door.

??He will be okay. He has us.?? I would have to die for Jason to be alone.

Robbie sighed and hugging me to his chest. ??What about you? How are you holding up???

I thought I was stronger but when he asked that question... the pain forced open my heart and I was bawling. I did not know I was holding strong for Jason as I wept to him.

??Robbie... My mommy. She... she... I...??

??Oh, my love... I know, I know. But she wanted this. Remember??? He kissed my head repeatedly trying to take my pain away but it was only intensifying.

??Davey... DAVEY...?? I pushed Robbie away and schooled myself before wiping my eyes and sniffling.

??Hi, my Baby Angel...?? I knelt down and she leaped to my outstretched arms. How many times my mom had done this to me? She would engulf me to her and pepper me with kisses like I was doing to Lia.

I stood up with her safely secured in my arms and Robbie took us to the kitchen. My real family was there. Except Uncle Fred and Uncle Jack. Must have retired to bed early, ever since Uncle Fred had that mild chest pain, Uncle Jack was strict on his diet and routines; they were fighting a lot lately because of that. But they loved each other, the bantering never bothered me.

Would Robbie and I ever fight like that? Most likely. He was so hard headed and I sometimes hated how he took decisions on my behalf. It did not matter if I would have chosen the same decision he had but I wanted to have the final say.

Robbie did not get it.

He thought I was being cute and that drove me crazy. But I loved him and I loved that he cared about me. It was just I wanted to say the same things Robbie was saying because uggh...

I made no sense.

When was the last time we fought?

During the finals, I was sure but what was that about? I did not remember what the fight was about but he kind of decided everything on my behalf and I got angry until he backed off. Then I did everything he had decided and the bastard laughed at me calling me cute.

I locked my door whole night until he properly apologized though I had a feeling he did not get why I was angry for.

I wanted to do things on my own and I wanted people to know that it was my decision.

That only sounded childish; it was very philosophical.

I was worried during my finals, especially with Lia being difficult to handle when I was not in the picture. We had gone together and I was surprised at the support I got from the students. Student Julian and Henry had brought her some treats and welcomed Robbie like he was also a student.

I was touched when everyone made an effort to make my baby comfortable.

But she did cry when I said I would only come back after my exam and she needed to be a good girl for her daddy. She fought Robbie and we at loss, until Dean came down and picked her up.

??Look at you, all grown up. You are a big girl now, aren??t you???

She nodded still crying like a banshee.

??Ahhh... Big girls don??t cry...??

??I cwy.?? She said with a definite edge.

Robbie snorted. She was his kid, of course she did not care if big girls cried or not. She wanted to cry, so she was.

Dean chuckled as well, not a bit irked. ??You might want to go now, Davidson. The cool off time will start in ten.??

She tried to kick her way out of Dean??s hands but he gave a firm command. ??No. This is my institution and you will not cry. You are now my soldier.??

That man had years of teaching experiences and military training under his belt. When he demanded obedience people wholeheartedly gave him that with utmost respect. ??Davidson, now kiss your child and write your exam.??

??Be a good girl. This gentleman is my teacher and he will scold Davey if you don??t listen to him, okay? Now, don??t cry.?? I pecked her face with love and waved.

Her tiny lips trembled but she did not cry, even gave me a kiss too.

Later I heard from Robbie that Dean took them to his office and let her watch me through the CCTV cams in his office. I aced the exams because I had a very tight knit support group with my mom and Robbie being the heads.

Now, I did not have a mom. I did not have a dad too. My aunt... my family was...

??Angel... come and eat.?? Robbie knew I was trying very hard not to sob but we could do nothing with Lia in my hands.

??Gamma an Poppa wen wen to hen. An an Poppa go... Poppa geev Gamma flowez an Gamma kissie flowez an an an... Gamma a staw an an an come nigh nigh to kissie baby an an kissie Davey... an an lwook... Daddy daddy... Gamma lub Davey an baby...??

[Grandma and Papa went to heaven. Papa gives Grandma flowers and she will kiss the flowers. Grandma will become a star and will come and kiss baby and Davey. She will look at us. Daddy daddy Grandma loves Davey and Baby.]

??Grandma Claire said all that??? I sat down next to Robbie on the kitchen bench.

??Uhhuh, Davey.??

She motioned us to lean and whispered in her secret voice. ??Poppa Jona her boyo.??

Robbie and I ??gasped??, ??scandalised??.

??Is that true???

??Uhhuh, she wen to kissie im in in in lipsy.?? Her tiny face scrunched up. She whispered again. ??Gwoss.??

I was laughing.

??I love you so much, Lady Bug.??

??I lubbu, Uuuuuuummmmmmah.??

??But, you are right, doll,?? Robbie picked up her from my lap and patted her back. ??Kissing is gross. So, you do not kiss anybody, yeah???

??Ewww, I woon, daddy, I woon.??

I pinched his thigh. He shrugged. ??What???

We had our dinner with everyone talking about our beautiful times together. Not necessarily related to mom... we just talked and sniffled at bit, thought of her frequently. Jason sat next to me, sighing tiredly and I was surprised until I saw Gabe standing next to him.

??I will fix him a plate.??

I wanted to ask if they were together, but this was not the time. I had not pried before but if Jason was serious he would have told me. So, if they were together, Jason was not keen on dating him.

Gabe had changed. He was looking after Jason like he was on a mission. I hoped he would not end up hurt. They had a history and Gabe looked a bit too attached, but he gave Jason his space.

He was respectful to me too. He had apologized when he was selected as our model. He said he wished he had not fell in the clutches of drugs but he was one of the lucky people who could turn their life around and he was indebted to me.

Robbie insisted Jason and I spent the night together. We needed each other. I tried very hard to get Jason sleep but he kept on crying at night. I had no idea how to console him. He had too little time to spend with mom.

My Jason.

He finally had a restless nap at around one in the morning.

I noticed someone standing next to me. I knew he would not sleep. Instead of trying to get back to slumber I held his hand and slowly slipped out of the bed.

??Why are you up, Daddy? Where is Princess??? I whispered when we left the bedroom and leaned on the stair rail.

??She waited for you until she fell asleep on the couch.?? I sighed and dropped my head on his shoulder. The neon light was giving us an ethereal glow.

Robbie and I would make a beautiful picture.

??Why are you not asleep???

??You know why???

??You are worse than her, Robbie.?? He only shrugged agreeing with me.

We had been getting frequently intimate. Unless of course there was Janice, who had not been to my mom??s funeral either. She had sent a letter stating she had some emergency situation to handle. Frankie had the sense to burn that letter before it reached me.

I would have...

Well, she did not attend her own mom??s funeral, what did I expect?

??Is Jason asleep??? I jerked in Robbie??s hand and saw Gabe looking worried.

??Not really. He is waking up every half an hour.??

??Mm.?? Gabe leaned to the rail next to us. ??He...??

I waited for the rest but he only rubbed his face.

??Gabe??? Jason was leaning on the door.

??Oh... hey... we were just...?? Gabe scratched his head not meeting Jason??s eyes.

??Worried about me???

Gabe sputtered, trying to bring up some excuse.

Jason ignored him and looked at me. ??You slipped out and I woke up. I will be okay, Goose... I am just...?? He sighed, obviously tired and scared. ??Gabe, do you wanna come in and stay???

I was surprised. Jason wanted Gabe with him. He pushed himself off the door and hugged me. ??Go with your family. Gabe will look after me. Kiss Lia, okay??? He kissed my cheek and pulled Gabe with him and closed the door.

I blinked.

??Robbie... do you think???

??Yup, they love each other. But... they don??t need each other. So, I don??t know if they will make it.??

I sighed. ??Come on Daddy.??

Lia was knocked out on the sofa with her mouth open. She did wait for me. Poor baby. I gently picked her up and placed her on my lap.

She was growing steadily, her beautiful ringlets of hair were back and I was never happier. I cradled her to my chest and brushed her forehead with a small kiss.

She was so tiny, barely the length of my elbow one day. But look at her now; her feet were dropped over my thighs and her head was slightly thrown back from the crook of my hand.

God! She was mine.

One day I would not be able to cradle her like this. I would not be able to pick her up without waking her from her sleep. Did my mom think of all these nonsenses when I was a baby?

Robbie sat next to me and faced us with his face on his elbow. ??Daddy, she is so beautiful and really an Angel.??

I caressed her tiny head and the love I had for her was overflowing my heart. I had a baby. The most beautiful, precious, adorable, sweet and amazing baby in the world.

??Sweet baby...?? I whispered.

??Of course she is an angel. When she first opened her eyes, I thought of you.?? My neck almost broke with the way I turned fast to Robbie.

Me? He thought of me?

Robbie chuckled and pulled me to his chest. ??Why so surprised? She looked at me like you look at me. So vulnerable and trusting. I wanted you to see her. I kept on looking over my shoulder hoping you would magically pop up there.?? He laughed, mindful of his sleeping child on my lap. ??I called her Angel thinking of you, and she opened her eyes and glared at me before closing her eyes again. Just like your glare. I thought it would be it would be confusing when I called both of you Angles and she is a baby. So Baby Angel.??

??You... you thought of me? When you first saw her???

??Of course I did. Who else would I think about???

His wife who gave birth to his child. Shouldn??t he?

He brushed my hair back. ??But I wanted her away from you, you know. I thought you... I did not want to be in a position to pick. She became my responsibility. So... I tried, but the more days passed in the hospital I could not even properly breath without you... I had to see you...?? His hand squeezed my waist and I saw him trying to put words on his feelings.

My Robbie was not a man of words.

??Then you saw her and it was like... you two clicked just like that... Of course you would. You two are angels. All my worries were for naught.?? He pecked my lips. ??Now, you two always forget about me.??

Pain filled my heart. ??We never forget about you, daddy. Do you feel that way? I don??t want...??

He chuckled. ??I am kidding, Love. I will never let you forget about me. Ah, sweetheart, I was only joking, come here.?? He kissed me until I believed he was not sad and only joking.

I pinched his bicep. ??Never joke like that. You are her daddy and you two need each other.??

??What about you???

??Huh???

??Do you need me???

I ducked my head. Of course I did, but I should not say that out loud.

??Hey...?? His finger under my chin, slowly lifted my face up.

Robbie was so handsome. I had never met anyone so beautifully sculpted. Did he know how hot he was? His sharp jaw lines, his straight nose, his thick eyebrows... his right one had a tiny scar and... his thin lips... my eyes kept on slipping to them though I was entrapped in his eyes.

He gave me a chaste kiss.

Did mom now know how much I was gone? That there was no way I could ever leave him? She did.

I was honestly surprised by her approval. Why did she? I meant my mom was not a push over. She would have dragged me to a tower like Rapunzel and kept me away from Robbie.

Lia curled deeper in my chest and I turned my attention back to her. My mom??s love for me was unquestionable and I hoped I would ever be half the parent that my parents were. I loved my baby Lia.

??Hold me Daddy.?? Robbie helped me up and I gently lowered her to her crib, she whined a little before I could place a plushy instead of me.

??Robbie... I want to tell her ??I love you?? from now on.?? She was growing up so fast and I wanted them to express their love and care for each other in all the possible ways.

??But I don??t love her Angel...??

Not this again. ??Of course you love her.??

??No, I don??t. I need her. I don??t want to love her.??

??Well, I don??t care if you want to or not, tell her you love her from now on.??

??No.??

??Robbie...??

??No, Angel. You don??t understand. I know there must be some love in me for her, which is okay and normal but... I need her more and I am not going to jeopardize it.?? He crossed his arms and he looked like he wanted to stomp his foot too.

??Remember what Dr. Adams said???

??I don??t care. I am not going to do that to my child. She needs me and I need her. That??s it. Your love for her is enough from both of us.??

I rubbed my face. Some other day then. Robbie loved his child. It was in all his actions and he was an amazing father too.

He could not love me. He had told Jason and I had accepted it. He could not love me. Of course he could not. That was why he married Janice, but... the child he clearly loved and adored.

Lia needed words and actions, especially with her mom being so distant. Robbie was there in every step of Lia??s growth as much as I was. He loved taking care of her, feeding her from his dinner plates, letting her climb all over him and even mess up his office work. He did not mind, he loved his daughter.

I had seen him watching over her like a hawk when she did something remotely dangerous. He let me be the primary care giver but he did not slack off in his responsibilities. Why was he scared of the word ??love??? He needed to tell his child that.

My mom loved me and she told me always. I knew the happiness that came with that three words and I wanted that for Lia. Of course I told her that all the times, but Robbie needed to tell her that too.

We would have another talk soon.

Robbie pulled me to the bed. ??Promise you will slip out early.??

He nodded with a sigh. ??Angel...?? He gulped. ??I know your mom is... your home and nothing can ever replace that. But you do know that we are here, right? I am here, always, for you. I can take care of you. I will be here if you need anything. Anything at all.??

Tears filled my eyes again. He covered me with his huge body and I became a little kid. ??Baby, my Love... I could only imagine to be the perfect person for you like your mom was but... I would anything... literally anything for you... except of course letting you go. Lia and I... we could be the ones for you.??

I nodded, tears leaving my eyes and dived deeper and deeper in his warmth. ??Sleep now... I have you. I got you.??

Sometime during our sleep I woke up thinking of mom. I had to push Robbie off of me and I went to wash my face and take a leak.

I smiled when I saw him curled on my side.

He said he could be the one to watch over me. He said he wanted me to go to him. He said he would do anything for me.

Even if he did not love me, this was more than enough. He wanted me to be happy and I knew the thought of him being with me was the strength that was holding me up from the pain of my mom??s demise.

But she was happy now. She had been preparing us for this for quite some time now. And I knew I should feel nothing other than happiness. I should not be selfish. She took care of me in the ways many kids dreamt of.

And I was not supposed to grieve because she went to join my dad.

But...

It was so...

No!

Mom was happy. This was what she wanted.

Wouldn??t I want to follow Robbie when he left this world and went back to hell? Of course I did.

So, if anyone who should not be sad that should be me.

But...

I wiped my eyes again. ??I miss you, mama.??

I had a small family of my own now. I peeked to Lia??s crib and saw her sleeping with her bum up. I smiled despite my tears and rubbed her back to help her lie down on her side.

It would not do much good; she would be back like that in an hour.

I stared at Robbie sleeping on his stomach. He was so tired. He was the one who ran non-stop to this day to arrange everything. I wanted this man to be mine.

Even if he did not love me I wanted this man to be mine. Was it too much to ask for? Perhaps. But I could not find anything in me to care.

His strong back looked so inviting to sleep on. He would not notice and I would end up sleeping on his body when I fell asleep anyways. It would not matter if I did it now.

I slowly slipped to the bed, lowered my head to his nape without breathing, my right arm slowly stretched over to his extended one and I lied on his back. My stomach loved how he felt under it.

I barely covered him but it was comfortable.

This was different. My heart felt it could fly.

When his fingers crossed with mine, I had a heart attack.

Was he awake all this time?

No, he could not be. His breaths were still in rhythm. I relaxed myself and I fell asleep like that.

I almost cried when he started to push and pull me after some time. ??Rob... bie... sleep... I wanna...??

??Shh...??

What was he doing? I was comfy and I loved hugging him...

Then...

Oh!

This felt good. This was warm. Now my back was warm too, not just my stomach.

Safe.

I sighed when I was pulled back to slumber.

A steady heartbeat sung me a lullaby and I thought this was my home.

Robbie was my home.