Transmigrated Into A Billionaire novel Chapter 56

　　You know the saying that goes "no place like home", well whoever came up with thst must have gone spent an awful lot of time away from their beds to realize this truth, she couldn't even deny it, her bed and pillow is everything to her not that the bed here wasn't comfortable, it was. Infact, it was a full queen sized bed and it had six pillows and a beautiful bed frame but it was not her bed so she only slept for like three hours and spent the rest tossing around trying to find a comfortable spot to place her head without stressing, feeling uncomfortable or hot.

　　She even did some cardio during the night and tried some yoga to clear her state of mind and bring her peace but sleeping in Yandel's home was already enough trouble for her. She was put in the room next to Ace so she could check on him whenever she needed to during the night and she did check on him but somehow unlike her, he managed to make most of his night sleeping and snoring after such a long day of well deserved fun.

　　Deep down, she knew why she could barely get a wink of sleep but she refused to let herself believe it, she hyped herself back out of the gutter of self diminishing thoughts when ever she remembered the fundraiser, She woke up to a text from Xander telling her to put on a black dress of any kind.

　　What the fuck was she going to attend...A bloody funeral. She knew she was over thinking it but she couldn't even begin to put a leash on her mind, somewhere deep down in her and somewhere up there in her head, she could definitely spot a dark cloud looming over her head carrying the storm she has been trying to avoid for months. Maybe she had relaxed, maybe she got too comfortable and thought Xander and Alice still didn't want to get rid of her, while she spent her time partying and not planning, they spent their time planning and polishing their moves and now she's the one with the sleepless night and anxiety.

　　She decided to leave the guest room she was in, the white walls were becoming more and more overbearing as the sun began to rise, she could have closed the blinds and hurdled into the blanket for warmth and temporary comfort but who was she kidding, that won't change anything, over thinking won't solve shit and she learnt this from her past life when she was still the Average job seeking MBA holder with Heart of glass and mind of a beast.

　　Maybe that was her weakness, she had a determined heart, a heart that was elastic and a thick skin and sharp mouth that could retaliate and save her from mental breakdowns, this were walls she learnt how to build right from when she was a kid, everything and everyone and every experience she had had built her in a way to survive this world, from her crazy high school experience, to her mother's escapades with her various short lived relationships with broken or damaged just like her that drew back her healing process ten miles away from the haven of healing and somehow her mother got into the roller coaster of few weeks of happiness and months of treating emotional scars and wounds, And you could see it, you could see it that she was trying to get better and trying to pull herself together but life was definitely not having mercy on her.

　　She told herself she wasn't going to make the same mistake her mother made, talking about wrapping your entire entity on a person, she did that with her father, she found meaning in herself because of her husband, and everything she was was because of him, when he died, she lost herself, she lost her will, she was barely a mere mirage of his dust, it didn't make her whole, some parts were blown into the wind never to be found, some parts made one with the bloody soil of the earth to register dust to dust, some part she inhaled and held into, tried to use it to fill up the bottomless and ageless put his death left in her, but she didn't succeed of course, so all that was left was mere distractions, aweful distractions thst destroyed her and took half the life and light in her eyes, but she had no one to blame.

　　Ever since she was a kid, her mother didn't come off as strong, or as head or as independent. No, she was sweet, supportive, and second. Everything that went or happened was approved by her husband and she was fine with it, with him, she found meaning and without him, she lost meaning.

　　She promised herself not to make this same mistake, to be strong, to be first, to be head, maybe that was why she tried her best to get the job she wanted even though she got offers which were good compared to the one the longed for, she was so good at lying to herself that she was independent, but she was dependent on Talon, maybe that was why he got so suffocated of her, they were only together for two years but they had moved in at seven months in their relationship, and you guessed right, it was her idea to move in, he was a retailer in a mall where she met him and she was a jobless MBA holder with a sole target to get a job at her boyfriend's dream job.

　　She was no different from her mother at the end, she trusted their father to live long and support her on her life journey but he died by a tragic car accident and she trusted Talon to not cheat on her and be with her till the end but he went ahead to cheat on her with the same rich ass woman who he told her was just a friend and she was overthinking it.

　　Rachel laughed bitterly as it occurred to her that her whole life was just a sad sub story of over dependent women who were later screwed up in life by men and death, she laughed more at the irony of it all till tears started pouring out like broken stream flooding clear paths that she made to look so effortless to other people, she hadn't even brought herself to think of how messed it was, that she hadn't even been able to bring herself to visit her own bloody grave, instead she rather wrapped her mind and body in the clothes and body of a billionaire, even though it gave her a purpose, she knew she couldn't hide in this skin forever, she couldn't use Araceli as an excuse to hide from herself, she hadn't even been able to stand tall against her demons and she took on someone elses just because she was in desperate need of redemption even when she was not in any form ready.

　　That was why she never could bring herself to be attached to Yandel, she could see her father in him. Smart, funny and empowering, the same trap her mother fell for, the same trap she fell for and now it is back for her again to complete it's usual ritual of fucking up a johnson.

　　"Hey Araceli??," Yandel knocked on the toilet door but she forgot to lock it so it just swing open exposing a broken dread filled Rachel with tears and red puffy eyes. He stood at the door for some seconds staring at her in total pity, she could see his heartbreaking from his eyes, she hated it, the vile taste of pitiful aura aweful exuding from a person who thinks they are are trying to blanket someone going through shit but don't know they are only exposing how worthless and helpless the person is. She looked herself in the mirror and smiled, her reflection was sick and his reaction was just pure shock, she definitely just confirmed the universal truth that girls were crazy.

　　"Heyyy morning Baldwin," Rachel said, smiling before looking back into the mirror again, she looked like a mid twenties woman who hit mid life crisis pretty early.

　　"Jesus…"

　　"How do I look, I just wanted to try on a new look," Rachel said, giving him different angles of her puffy red eyes and reddened cheeks, humor was all she could offer at this point, but he was definitely not buying it, instead it was actually worsening his mood and he was looking broken and pissed at the same time.

　　"You know your facial expressions are so readable sometimes,"

　　"No scratch that, all the fucking time and it's kinda an expo to dealing with you lol…" *hiccups*

　　"My bad, I think I should go get some water," Rachel said, trying to walk past him as fast as he could but he caught her by the arm and brought her back to his front.

　　"Hey, it's okay to cry and be broken but don't use humor to cover it up,it breaks me," Yandel said with a low tone.

　　"I wasn't crying, I told you I was just trying a new look," Rachel insisted not meeting his eyes.

　　"Really??"

　　"Uh huh, can you please take a pict…"

　　"Just stop it Araceli!!!" Yandel yelled, interrupting her mad saga, making Araceli tremble and shed more tears as she listened to him and stopped trying to humor her pain.

　　"I'm sorry for yelling but please just stop alright, you are not fine, and if you don't want to talk about it now, it's fine but please stop trying to humor the pain, it breaks me" Yandel broke saying.

　　"I need some breakfast, We will talk later, I'm fine now" Rachel said, going to the sink to wash her eyes and face, it was still horrible and swollen, her face that is, but she was hoping the cold water would do some magic.

　　She left this time, Yandel didn't hold her back...