You’re Mine by Penny Brooks novel Chapter 125

 

 

Chapter 125

Harper

"It would be so much easier if I still didn't feel like shit!"

I throw myself onto my bed as Sadie paces back and forth as if that's going to help the trauma of the day. Why can't things be easier?

I do love him. I do. I just feel betrayed. Hurt.

And exhausted, quite honestly, I could nap for ten days and probably still not feel rested.

Maybe it's the fact that I was so sick and jumped right back into school, the trauma of my mom finding us, or feeling guilty over not telling my parents about the love of my life.

Wow, take your pick.

"He's an asshole,’ she finally says. "Let him sweat it out a bit."

“Would you?"

I ask. "Let Ryan sweat it out?

Or would you communicate?

Hear him out?

Be mature?

I don't even know what I want to do. One minute, I want to run Easton over, the next I want to hold him and never let go.

He's mine, Sadie. Mine. I love him. I just...I don't understand this side of him. The one that's still holding back, the one that's afraid.”

She sighs. “Love is scary, babe. No matter how young or old you are.

It has no prejudices, it is what it is. One day, it cuts you so deep you think you might bleed out, the next day you wonder how you ever lived without that feeling.

It doesn't take sides. It simply exists and you live in it because on those good days, the really good fucking days, you can't imagine waking up without your person.

You can't imagine breathing one more second without that person holding your hand and standing by your side.

So yeah, while this all sucks, I know if you really love each other, you'll get through it, fight for it, and come out on the other side. Until then.”

She claps her hands. “He's dead to us.”

I laugh, I can't help it, and then I burst into tears again. "I'm sorry, I'm just so emotional these days.

I hate that I missed school when I was sick, and I feel so much pressure over finals and getting into college.

Things with Aisha still feel like a true crime story ready to unravel and Blake..."

I stop myself. Sadie tilts her head. "Blake seemed extra friendly today. Wanna talk about that?"

I shrug. "He was pretty tame. Normal.

He wanted to be my partner in gym. I let him because honestly everyone else was pairing up while I was throwing a pity party and he just seemed...nice."

"Was he nice?"

she asks, examining her fingernails. "For Blake, I mean, since all the Aisha shit?”

"He was. We had fun."

I smile. "He barely flirted and it at least distracted me for nearly an hour, which I totally needed.”

She nods. "I still think something's off there."

"Yeah."

I don't tell her that I'm back to wondering what exactly is off because I can't put my finger on it. "Maybe. I don't know. Either way, it was a horrible day and I hate that I can't talk to him...”

"Blake?"

“Easton, I say, then rush to my laptop and open it. "Let me just send this real quick..."

Aknock sounds at my door. "Yo."

Ryan lets himself in. "Hey, beautiful, mind if I borrow you real quick?"

He kisses Sadie on the cheek.

She blushes, then shoves him. "Nope, wait, you're friends with the devil.“ He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, let me just say right here and right now, you both need to listen to the reason. Yes, I knew, blah, blah, blah, you all want to murder me, who runs the world, girls, but for real...he did nothing wrong and Harp...”

His eyes soften. "He loves you. He would never cheat on you. Besides, if he did, I'd cheerfully kill him and go to prison."

Tears fill my eyes. "Thanks, Ry.”

“Anytime.”

He grabs Sadie's arm and pulls her out of my room, leaving me alone with my laptop and all my dark thoughts.

I take a deep breath and get on gmail.

And then I type.

Easton, I know we need to talk.

I don't know if I overreacted or if I'm just letting life kick my ass, but I miss you. I don't want to break up, I just need some time...but I also need you.

I don't know what to do and how things got so complicated so fast, but... can't text you, so I at least thought I could email and let you know that no matter what, right now, in this moment, you're still mine.

And I'm still yours.

I click send and I stare at my screen.

Wondering if there's a way to salvage this. Or if we really are done.

I don't have to wait long as my email pings minutes later, making me nearly drop my computer onto the floor in an effort to check if it's him.

It is. Googlechat?

Zoom?

Hand signals?

I smile, despite being hurt and email back right away.

I can zoom, send me an invite. Minutes later, he does.

And when his face appears, just like that, my fears dissipate a bit as I see a tear run down his cheek.

He looks away and wipes it.

And then he grabs the screen and whispers, “I fucking love you so much.

You don't even know. And I'll tell you. Everything. I just need one fucking minute to stare at your face.

To memorize it, so I can go to bed tonight without having nightmares of losing you. I'm yours too.

And know that every choice I've made has been to protect us.

To protect what we have. And, most importantly, to make sure that you're in my life forever.

I know that doesn't forgive what I did, but quite honestly, it doesn't forgive what you did either.

If we're in this, I need to know that everyone you love knows how much I love you.

So, before we go any further—are you in this?

With me?

Do you love me the way I love you?

And are you ready to tell the world to go fuck themselves, so I can come over to your house and fucking love you the way you deserve?"

I gasp. And burst into tears.