You Saved Me Once Book 1 novel Chapter 39

We’re are parked on a dirt road, outside of town. We could see Ver-sa, from this hill, it was on the valley to another town. It was just Hayes and I, and occasional passing cars, that’d spit rocks at us.

Hayes stopped at a gas station and brought snacks before we came up here. The view was enough to feed me though.

The dirt road was in front of a hill that leads into, a forest. I’ve never seen this place before, it’s beautiful.

The stars were bright, but Hayes uses his car as a flashlight. The blue from the dark sky, set the mood. I felt so nostalgic, that I couldn’t feel anything but that. The green from the trees in the distance, smells fresh, feels cool but not ice cold, and they smell free. The trees are gi-ants compared to anything in the distance, taller than the hill behind us. They are comforting.

Things like this. Things like this, is what make life, perfect. No mat-ter what’s going on, if you stop a moment, and think. You’ll realize, life is fucking great, even the shitty parts. Life is life.

“Thanks for bringing me here.” I say to Hayes.

We’re both sitting on his roof, eating trail mix.

“Yeah. I knew you’d like it.” He’s quiet after that.

There’s natural silence, but but just looking at Hayes, and feel-ing this way. I wanted to hear his voice again.

“How did you find this.” I ask.

“When I got back. My mom.” He stops. I look at him, he looks sad.

I’m scared

Ms. Kristen is a sensitive topic for many reasons. I was now overthinking this entire night. Did his mom say something, tell him a secret? Does he know about everything? Is that why we are here?

“When I got back, she was pretty messed up Alex. She said some stuff to me, treated me like shit.” His voice is raspy again. He keeps clearing it.

“Why?” I ask.

“I think, when I first got back, she was scared of me.” He says.

“I think she thought, that I was someone else.” I can feel his sadness.

“That’s why she called the cops on me, you know? She thought I was him. Too drunk to even see me, for me. Saw me through him. I wish she’d get better.” He says.

Chills ride my back, this was too deep for the both of us to talk about. If we keep on with this conversation, secrets would soon come out. There would be no turning back.

“Hayes.” He touches my hand. Our shoes tap each other’s.

“After she called the cops. When I got out, I was going to leave Ver-sa again.” He says.

I lean into him, our shoulders are touching, we feel each other’s warmth.

“I got this far.” He smiles.

I stay silent. I watch his eyes, I enjoy his voice.

“I couldn’t leave again.” He says.

“I promised you.” I lean off of him. I can’t get anything else out, but his name. He grabs trail mix from my hands.

“Why?” I ask.

My throat is raw, I want to cry. I want to hug him, I want to, hold him.

“You’re my best friend Alex”

I hear the trail mix break down in his mouth. I watch his clenched jaw.

“I want to see Timmy soon.” He says.

“I’ll go with you.” I say.

“I kind of want to see him alone.” His voice is soft.

After a long silence, Hayes stretches, tries to lighten the mood. He smiles.

“I need a drink.” He says.

“Let’s go get one.” I say.

“No, I’m driving.” He says.

“I’ll drive. I stopped drinking.” I say.

“Me too.” He says.

“Trying. I’m trying to stop drinking. I’m not supposed to drink an-yways. It fucks up my liver.” He says.

“Why, what’s wrong with your liver?” I turn to him.

“Nothing, don’t worry about , Little Richards.” He doesn’t look at me.

“Good for you.” I nudge him.

“It makes me act like a fucking dick.” He laughs.

“Yes, it does!” laugh.

“We’re pretty fucked up, huh?” Hayes laughs. I nod, laughing with him.

More cars pass, I can hear crickets when the cars, get far enough away.

I slide off of the car, Hayes comes down after. We lean on the hood of his car, close to each other.

“Hayes. Why did you come back to Versa?” I ask. He doesn’t re-spond.

I nudge him, and he forces a smile. This makes me nervous.

“Come on, you stayed for me. Why did you come back in the first place?” I ask.

I want to smile, but I want to smile, but Hayes looks sad again.

“Hayes.” I nudge him.

He bites down hard, on his lip. He looks like he is about to cry.

I get butterflies in my stomach, because Hayes’s silent. He’s acting weird. Does he know a secret?

He clenches his jaw again. I reach my shaking hands and move his wild hair from his face.

“I’m sorry.” I say.

We’re close. Our bare skin is touching one another’s. I want to hug him, but I’m scared.

I’m so fucking scared right now.

“Can I give you a hug?” I’m crying.

Hayes hasn’t started crying yet, but knowing he wants to, makes me cry.

“Why are you crying?” He laughs. I laugh and cover my face.

“I’m sad, for both of us.” My voice is muffled by my sleeve.

He grabs my hands and pulls me into him. I hug his warm body.

I could feel his breath. I could feel his warm body against mine. We haven’t been this close, in years. We haven’t hugged, in years.

We sway back and forth, and Hayes rubs my back. I stop crying.

“Better?” He asks.

We’re both looking at each other, our faces are close. I should let go now. I should let go, but I don’t want to. I want to hold him forever.

“Hayes.” I lean in more as I call his name.

I can’t stop. Hayes won’t say anything, and I can’t stop.

My lips meet his, for a split second. All it took was a second.

In that split second, I fucked everything up.