Caged Between the beta and alpha novel Chapter 75

A week had passed , and I finally decided t o brave stepping outside .

Everyone was being extra supportive , constantly keeping me company or mind linking me t o ask how I’m feeling or what I’m up to but really , I just needed everyone to act normal .

I didn’t want this pity .

Kiara was the only one who really understood that , when she texted , it was just pictures of the twins or Dante , or talking about general things .

I just wanted everything to return to normal , but could they ? My emotions were hot and cold , I went from happy to utterly defeated within moments of each other

.

Sometimes I’d remember flashes of the cottage and him telling me he would wait for me , and then I’d see him ripping through my neck .

I kept waking up at night , those bottomless pits of his eyes flashing in my mind , his canines out as he bit me ….

My last thoughts were always the same in my nightmares .

Liam won’t hurt me .

I now wrapped my arms around myself as

I walked through the pack grounds , just fresh air .

wanting to think things through in the I had wanted to return to training but Damon had said it was better I didn’t , I knew why : Everyone was talking .

I’m going to have to face it sooner or later .

I didn’t want to be cocooned up .

Sighing , I tugged at the sleeve of my ribbed black shirt , which had three buttons at the top which I had left open .

I was wearing some ripped jeans with net tights under , paired with some black heeled boots .

I looked at the small plushie in my hand .

Sparks … I wanted to go back to the graveyard but I hadn’t been able to … Right now , I just need someone to talk to .

He was the only real family I had , I’m sure if he was here , he’d love me , right ? I heard snickering and looked up to see Owen smirking as he walked past me , smart enough not to push me .

Guess he learned his lesson last time .

I ignored him and headed to the graveyard .

It was a dull day today … I pushed open the small gate and made my way over to Renji’s grave .

I sat down on my knees before it and looked down at it .

Like always , it was well kept .

” Hello Renji , I hope you’re ok … A lot’s happened since the last time I came here ….

I’m sorry it took me so long when I promised to meet you …

But I wasn’t allowed to come … I’m sorry .

I wonder if Mom is with you now or not ? ” I asked softly , placing Sparks at the foot of the gravestone .

” Look , Sparks is back … He’s s o happy to be here again .

” I smiled gently as a soft wind blew through my hair .

” I was going to reject Damon .

We were going to do it .

I chose Liam … but … He marked me forcefully … and I haven’t seen him since … ” I whispered , feeling my eyes prickle .

” I don’t know what to feel .

At times I feel numb , at others confused , upset , hurt … I know what he did wasn’t right , but I also know that Helios ‘ curse isn’t something we can just ignore .

I’m worried about him .

He’s in the cells , but I’m also … scared … ” ” 1 I covered my face as the tears began

flowing and I sobbed quietly .

” I mention him and everyone gets angry .

I s it wrong that I want to talk to him ? But I haven’t mind linked him either … I … I’m scared … I just I don’t want him to shut me out .

” I whispered .

I loved him so so much , I get that , but at the same time , I can’t just forget what he did .

The darkness in him was strong , but wasn’t this the time to help him ? The fear of what might happen was still there , but I was stronger than that .

Someone placed their hand on my shoulder and I gasped , jerking away as I stared up at Nina .

I had been so absorbed i n my thoughts that I hadn’t even noticed her .

” Are you ok ? ” She asked with concern clear in her eyes .

I nodded , wiping my tears quickly .

” Yes , I am .

” I said , sniffling .

” You’re a strong woman , Raven .

It’s all going to be ok .

” She said , her eyes filled with confidence as she patted my back .

I hoped so .

Right now , I don’t know what to do ” I’m going to go .

Thank you .

” I said softly .

I stood up and she nodded .

I glanced at Renji’s grave , bidding him a silent farewell before I turned and left the graveyard .

I walked along slowly , trying to make sense of my emotions , remembering a conversation I had with Uncle El a few days ago when he had visited me at Damon’s … ( FLASHBACK ) ” How do you feel ,

I mean , emotionally ? ” He asked , shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he stood in front of the fireplace .

It was just the two of us , Damon was out , and although I wanted to return to the packhouse , it would mean I would have to face everyone .

I looked down at my knees .

How did I feel ? ” Lost … Sometimes I feel like I got this , I can do this … How it’s ok , I’m ok … “

” It’s not ok and it’s alright to feel like that Raven .

” He said quietly .

” I think you need to stop trying to accept things , think deeply of what you want .

‘ ” 1 I stayed quiet and he continued .

” Where’s the confident Raven who was ready to own everything ? I want her back , I want her to consider her happiness above all .

This curse is not on you , if it’s meant to be broken , it will be .

We can do this but it doesn’t mean you need to be sacrificed or influenced to make decisions because of it .

I want you to decide what you want without any external factors weighing on your decision .

Without you feeling guilty of this or that .

Until then , I want you to focus on yourself and nothing more .

No what if I do this or it’s because o f this .

” nodded .

” I know , but we do know that the darkness of the curse played a factor .

” ” It did , but it’s not an excuse .

I love him and I am there for him , but you need to stop justifying it .

Think only about your feelings .

Also … If Damon were to markS you , that mark could be removed .

” him .

My eyes widened in shock as I stared up at Remove the mark …

.

” I know that removing it won’t undo the damage it has done mentally , but it can at least get it off you .

” I looked down .

Right now , I didn’t know what I wanted .

Although I knew that I would eventually come to terms with it

.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted , but I had already planned to let Damon go … I wasn’t going to use him to remove the mark .

Right now , I felt like I didn’t want anyone … I didn’t want a man , I didn’t need one … ” I’ll keep that in mind .

” I said quietly .

( END OF FLASHBACK ) I stared at the sky .

Live for me … but to do that … I needed to get rid of the baggage from my life … all of it .

‘ Alpha .

‘ ‘ Raven ? ‘ Uncle El’s reply came .

I want Dad’s trial to be soon .

I know it’s been delayed , but let’s not postpone it anymore .

” ‘ Are you sure you’re ready ? ‘ ‘ I want to put this all behind him , I need this .

‘ I said quietly .

‘ Very well , your father’s will be tomorrow , and Liam’s , we will set it for two days after Haru’s .

‘ I knew Liam would eventually be trialled too … But so soon ? ‘ Ok , ‘ I said , quietly cutting the link .

I knew what I wanted to do before then , what I needed to do .

Visit Liam .