Clubrooms Diary

LISA

May 8th 2018

I crash through the changing room door, on the verge of bringing up last nights dinner. I hate that I'm too shy to tell Chad I'm not okay with him asking me for kisses. But I feel like it's expected of me because I work here, I'm not like the other girls. I don't sleep with the clients, I only deal with the girls. I'm the one they come to see when they require new outfits, toys, supplies, etc. You could say I run the house and I think that's why Chad tries to play

'Mummy and Daddies' with me. I think I'd rather curl over die first.

I've tried to explain to him that I'm not interested. I'm just not into men, I'm purely into women. The fact that I slightly feel repulsed by him plays a major factor in it as well. But It's not like I haven't been with a man before because I have on numerous occasions. But the D just isn't for me, They're the ugliest things my eyes have ever had the opportunity to greet. I love my job and I love the girls. They're a sweet bunch who's just misunderstood by the community.

And just like the girls here at  Clubrooms wasn't on my top of the list dream job to pursue. We all have a story to tell, a past we never want catching up to us and a future we're destined to seek out. I was fortunate enough to have been given the blessing of growing up in a loving and caring home.

Raised by the best, and taught by the best. My siblings and I use to say.

My parents always showed us so much affection, I guess that's why I have trouble telling Chad to bugger off. I'm a people pleaser, I make it my goal to make sure everyone around me is always comfortable with every decision I make, even if it doesn't concern them. 

With a slight speed bump when I came out and told my family I was gay. I was Nineteen years old, and I realized I could never settle down and marry someone I know I would never truly be happy with. And it wouldn't have been fair to him too. My coming out caused a huge rift between my family and to this day, seventeen years later only my mother and two sisters speak to me. My father refused to acknowledge me once the words left my mouth and I reassured him I was certain that I could never love a man. My brother still hasn't found it in his heart to forgive me for breaking his best friends heart. 

I head back towards the bar after gargling half a bottle of mouthwash, hoping and praying Chads left. I swear I can virtually feel his eyes stripping me bare, assaulting my body with his beady eyes and sends my body into a state of emergency trembling catastrophe. I walk through the bar, my eyes scoping the room out and my body instantly relaxes when he's nowhere to be seen. I step behind the bar and start the process of doing a stock take, picking up each hot bottle and weighing them. We have a system where we divide the MLS of the bottle into measured shots. Then when the months over I collect the data from the til hard drives and match it with my written data I do weekly. Chad has a bad habit of drinking the liquor without writing it up. He'll blame the girls and deduct it from their tips. Most times I don't think he's forgotten, he's just a penny-pinching bully. I get through the hot bottles and start counting the pre-mixes and beer bottles with my back facing the other side of the bar. 

"Ah is the bar open for service?" The manly voice cuts into my train of thinking. 

"One moment." I hold a finger up, trying to concentrate.

"Scotch, neat about three fingers high when you're ready." He casually says. 

I wave my hand at him again trying not to lose count. When I'm done, I straighten and pour him a scotch.

"Heads up" I call out as I slide it along the bar countertop. 

"I don't fucking believe it." He laughs. "Lisa. Lisa turner is that you?"  

I look up and my eyes find him sitting four seats down the bar. 

"Jimmy?" I deadpan.

takes a sip

are you doing here."

pay someone a

"Really?" I chuckle. 

to see my ex sister in law." His eyes scan over my face. "You look

thought you came to see

you worked

to answer your question, I haven't spoken to him or dad in seventeen years." I draw circles on

with me three months before I came out."

Lisa was because

did he find out?" I

devil in disguise and you were leading her daughter to

was there too wasn't

was."

then?" I look up at

hurt him less to let

reminiscing the last conversation I had

out to me as

"Who?" I cried. 

He's gonna be heartbroken." He looks at me with

What are you talking about?' I didn't understand what he meant.

You're leaving him to play scissor sisters with some other

anger towards me. Jimmy was the one who broke up with me and got with Nicki. He's the reason why I decided to give up

hand up her top and his mouth over hers. I didn't yell or cry out even though every nerve in my body screamed too.  I just quietly closed the door behind me and sobbed the whole drive back home. He

Rachel came over and sat next to me. She had heard about Jimmy and I taking a break, but she knew the truth behind his ruling. I mean, everyone in town knew his reason, he was quick to flaunt off in front of his mates who his new side candy was.  Rachel invited me back to her house and not wanting to be alone I agreed. We were up in her room, she implied we hit the club and I couldn't find it in my heart to deny her invitation. She jumped up with enthusiasm and started pulling clothes

the beat

cat?" A deep voice purred

lips then covered my mouth with hers, our tongues found each other, slowly intertwining together rhythmically creating a slow dance a slow dance in our mouths. My hands slide around her waist and I pull her deeper towards me. Lit like a flame to a fire I kiss her with more urgency, kissing

rested upon my hips slowly left, the room slowly became quiet and everyone began to disappear. My senses were only aware

I licked my lips tasting

light

been so sure about anything up until now." My chest raised