Cold Feet

Chapter 34

VIOLA

I’m mad. I’m angry. He always does this to me. My little voice says, if he makes you angry, why are you standing here so close to him?

Shut up, I tell my inner voice. I am close. Too close. But I don’t want to move away. This is my kitchen after all, my apartment. Well, note mine, but you know what I mean.

He’s gazing into my eyes and he’s close enough that I notice his eyes studying my face. They settle on my lips and I swallow. I lick my lips nervously before his eyes move down over my body.

I take my coffee and turn away. I move around the small island in the middle of the kitchen and head for the door. He watches me go and then picks up his coffee and follows me.

I lead the way to the living room and I’m pretty sure his eyes are on my ass. Why did I wear these shorts, I wonder?

I remain standing as I wait for him to sit down. He takes his seat on the sofa where he sat before. I should sit down on the single seater where I sat before but instead, I sit down on the opposite end of the three seater he is sitting on. I pull my legs up onto the sofa as I did before. I’m more comfortable that way.

His eyes follow my honey brown legs.

I know immediately I’ve made a mistake but I don’t want to fix it as much as I know I should. I don’t know why Rick is here. I don’t know why I let him in.

Deep down I know I’m lying to myself. I do know why I let him in. I do know why he is here, even if he doesn’t know it but I think on some level he does know.

“I’m sorry for everything,” Rick says at last. “I’m sorry for how our first night ended. I’m sorry I had to be the one to take legal action against you, I’m sorry I didn’t persist in contacting you, I’m sorry I…”

“Will you shut up,” I say.

He stops talking and looks at me.

“There’s no need to apologize. It’s all in the past. We can’t change it.”

meet. I upset you. I can understand the first time we met, but the

my head, no, no, no! But it’s too late even as I realize it and I know this time my inner voice was right. “The other times had nothing

it then?”

eyes are fixed on me. He slides closer and I know

if I’m wielding a small

but it’s nothing you do when you’re here. It’s what

mean ‘what I’ve already done’?” I can see

shield to the coffee

no idea how nice

as he learns that I’d liked him since the church.

the bride’s parents your card as if to rub in what you told me and they hire you to sue me. As if that wasn’t enough when I finally see you again, I have to find out you’re dating someone and then,

a few notches as I tell him why I’m angry

that did all of that. How is that you say you’re not

brings us together it drives the disappointment deeper. This… this…” I trail

“This what?” he prompts.

get off the couch but he grabs my wrist and stops

“Let me go!”

Tell me. Talk

the carpet as he lets me go. He’s surprised and he

I’m so sorry,” I say as I get up and cross back to the sofa where he’s still sitting. “Forgive me. I’m sorry.”

me

falls between us and I sit down close to him with my legs under me. “I’m sorry,” I say again. “It’s just that every time I’ve seen you since I got back I’ve seen you more involved than I ever thought you would be. And I’m angry because I keep thinking what it would have been like if it had been me. It’s like life is being really spiteful and rubbing you in my face every time we meet. I wonder what I did wrong that life is doing this. God I hardly know you but I can’t

eyes search

I met you in the club the other night. I haven’t been with a man in forever and when I saw you I thought, well, if I can’t date him at least I can fuck

again. That stupid

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