The nightmares. The guilt. The despair sucking me into the abyss, drowning me.
Shit. Pull yourself together, Grey.
No. I never want to feel like that again.
She kisses me once more, a gentle, beseeching kiss, comforting me.
Don’t think about it, Grey. Think about something else.
I remember my parents’ summer ball. “Will you come with me to my father’s summer party tomorrow? It’s an annual charity thing. I said I’d go.” I hold my breath.
This is a date.
A real date.
“Of course I’ll come.” Ana’s face lights up but then falls.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me,” I insist.
“I have nothing to wear.”
Yes. You do. “Don’t be mad, but I still have all those clothes for you at home. I’m sure there are a couple of dresses in there.”
“Do you, now?” She purses her lips.
“I couldn’t get rid of them.”
“Why?”
why, Ana. I caress her hair, willing her to understand. I wanted you back and I
her head, resigned. “You are, as
something I might say to her. Her expression lightens. “I’m gooey.
“We both do.”
for two. You go and I’ll change
the showerhead. However, I discover the source of her fragrant hair. Green apple shampoo. As the water trickles over me, I open the lid
Ana.
add this to Mrs. Jones’s shopping list. When I open my eyes,
shower is small,” I
told you. Were you smelling
“Maybe.” I grin.
me a towel that is designed with the spines of classic books. Ana is ever the bibliophile. I wrap it around my waist and give her a
brick, the fourth smooth concrete, but there’s nothing on them. Ana’s not
I close my eyes.
I want her happy.
Happy Ana.
I smile.
SATURDAY, JUNE 11, 2011
* * *
from the setting sun. We have the world at our feet and I want to give her the world. She’s entranced. I do a wingover and we’re in my glider. See the world, Ana. I want to show you the world. She laughs. Giggling. Happy. Her braids pointing to the ground when she’s upside down. Again, she calls. And I oblige. We roll and roll
Me?
No.
No.
She screams.
making an eerie, unworldly sound that rouses every hair follicle on
“Jesus, Ana.”
suddenly. Gasping. Eyes wild.
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