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The nightmares. The guilt. The despair sucking me into the abyss, drowning me.

Shit. Pull yourself together, Grey.

No. I never want to feel like that again.

She kisses me once more, a gentle, beseeching kiss, comforting me.

Don’t think about it, Grey. Think about something else.

I remember my parents’ summer ball. “Will you come with me to my father’s summer party tomorrow? It’s an annual charity thing. I said I’d go.” I hold my breath.

This is a date.

A real date.

“Of course I’ll come.” Ana’s face lights up but then falls.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me,” I insist.

“I have nothing to wear.”

Yes. You do. “Don’t be mad, but I still have all those clothes for you at home. I’m sure there are a couple of dresses in there.”

“Do you, now?” She purses her lips.

“I couldn’t get rid of them.”

“Why?”

why, Ana. I caress her hair, willing her to understand. I wanted you back and I

her head, resigned. “You are, as

something I might say to her. Her expression lightens. “I’m gooey.

“We both do.”

for two. You go and I’ll change

the showerhead. However, I discover the source of her fragrant hair. Green apple shampoo. As the water trickles over me, I open the lid

Ana.

add this to Mrs. Jones’s shopping list. When I open my eyes,

shower is small,” I

told you. Were you smelling

“Maybe.” I grin.

me a towel that is designed with the spines of classic books. Ana is ever the bibliophile. I wrap it around my waist and give her a

brick, the fourth smooth concrete, but there’s nothing on them. Ana’s not

I close my eyes.

I want her happy.

Happy Ana.

I smile.

SATURDAY, JUNE 11, 2011

* * *

from the setting sun. We have the world at our feet and I want to give her the world. She’s entranced. I do a wingover and we’re in my glider. See the world, Ana. I want to show you the world. She laughs. Giggling. Happy. Her braids pointing to the ground when she’s upside down. Again, she calls. And I oblige. We roll and roll

Me?

No.

No.

She screams.

making an eerie, unworldly sound that rouses every hair follicle on

“Jesus, Ana.”

suddenly. Gasping. Eyes wild.

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