Masters And Lovers 1-4

I slam my pen down on the desk.

Fuck!

I’m educated, intelligent and usually articulate. I have no difficulties expressing my thoughts.

So, how difficult can it be to write a five-minute Best Man’s Speech?

I rose early, wanting a little peace and quiet so I could get on with the most classic of a Best Man’s duties. I’d assumed it would be easy and I would run the job off in twenty or thirty minutes.

An hour later, the paper in front of me remains stubbornly blank.

And my eyes ache.

Surely I don’t need another eye test?

It goes with middle-age I suppose….

There’s no upside to getting older….

I need coffee….

Leaning back against the counter, sipping at my drink, my mind wanders, travelling back in time to my first marriage….

No….

My marriage….

For this wedding, it’s Michael who is marrying her.

But it doesn’t feel like that.

It feels like my wedding too.

And I’ll get it right this time….

This is my true marriage.

it will be Michael

Memories….

happy. Always complaining there wasn’t enough

I wanted

are you

keep her photo. I’d like

years old. Beautiful. Becoming a woman. Holding up her exam certificate to

so

still proud of

More memories….

flown the nest to her university and the sick realisation settles on me that my marriage,

for possession of everything. As though she’d

the growing recognition that

him before the

Who cares…

Bitch.

car. The fucking lot. I simply wanted out. An end to

it dawned on me that Georgie would no longer talk to me,

had poisoned her against me. My little girl, the apple of my eye, would no longer acknowledge me

mother lied

been the perfect husband, but I never did the things Marlene said. And I didn’t leave

for years. And the last time I heard from her

my mug, what-ifs

me disperses. There’s no problem with Charlotte’s spending. I’ve never known anyone so careful with money, even now when she

a duck’s

Count your blessings….

woman I love soon to be wed, in the marriage I engineered to ensure the future of our Triad. My work is interesting, fulfilling and

Richard….

…

to make the best of that

hovers at the back of my mind,

Don’t think about it….

come when