The Alpha

A week had passed since I shifted. I haven’t seen Alpha Derek since and it’s been torture for my wolf.

Beta Mallory would take me three times a day to get food. He would talk to me, even when I didn’t verbally respond to him, he still kept the conversation going. I was starting to warm up a little to him, except a few days ago I had a small episode. He said it was a side effect of my trauma that I went through, he claimed it was hypervigilance mistrust.

I was, and still am, deeply embarrassed by it. Beta Mallory defended my incident by saying it was okay and understandable. I didn’t believe him. It was humiliating to me.

Doctor Reseda made an appointment for me to go see her during the week for a checkup and Beta Mallory took me. He was asked to step-out for parts of the check-up. One of my worst fears came true when she was checking on my bruises and cicatrices- she found my wrist.

She became a little speechless when she found them. Especially the fresher ones. She told me of the jeopardy I was putting myself in, as the cuts were ‘dangerously deep’. I mustered up what little courage I possessed and pleaded with her to not mention it to Alpha Derek. She told me she couldn’t, that he had to know as it was her duty to inform him.

Therapy is what she insisted on.

She went over my wolf with me and I learned about mind link, shifting, and other things. She also gave me information on mates when I shyly asked. I then knew why Alpha Derek seemed to be able to read my mind. She told me there was a mental block I would have to put up if I didn’t want him in my head. I was taught about marking, mating, heat, and how we would be able to feel the strong and most evident emotions in each other.

I was gaining weight very slowly according to Doctor Reseda. I think I went up two pounds. She was confused and did a few more tests and then I was able to leave. She also noted my stuttering has gotten better.

One night, Beta Mallory and I were having dinner. I was barely eating and he was talking to me. He asked me why I slept on the floor instead of the bed. For a while, I didn’t answer him and silence filled the room. Slowly I gave him my answer, piled with blunders. It was because that’s what I was used to. He just nodded.

Now I lay, burdened with insomnia. For a moment I debated on getting the sleeping pills Doctor Reseda gave me when she learned I wasn’t sleeping at night. She, just as Beta Mallory, said it was due to my trauma.

I decided not. An urge for exploration filled me. For a while, I laid there and ignored the urge, but then my wolf started to beg.

Grudgingly I got up and put on a pair of socks before walking out. I didn’t feel too self-conscious about my attire as I was wearing long pajama pants and a long-sleeved shirt.

'Long, covering clothing never stopped anyone before...'

I quietly, aimlessly walked through the halls of Alpha Derek’s house. It was dark and the only noise was the soft scraping of my sock covered feet against the wooden floor. I peacefully walked downstairs and proceeded to pointlessly stroll.

Dark thoughts soon invaded my mind and struck a panic in me. Briskly I walked back upstairs and was going to head straight back to my room, but it seemed my feet had a mind of their own.

They took me down halls and stopped in front of a big brown door. Alpha Derek's office. I lifted my fist to knock but paused.

...What if he doesn’t want to see me?...

I let out a shaky breath. I went to knock but suddenly the door opened. I wasn’t expecting that and I just about hit the chest that was in front of me, instead, a hand grabbed my wrist.

'Not like you would’ve done any harm, weakling.'

I steadily raised my brown orbs to his blue ones. Once more, I blame the ‘mate pull’ for enough confidence to look in his eyes.

“Why are you up?” His voice was cold and mean.

To no surprise, I couldn’t speak to him, my voice vanished to the back of my throat.

'Where Chris’s dick’s been? Slut…'

I couldn’t help as I cringed, my eyebrows scrunching up.

“What’s the face for?” He inquired, “and fucking answer.” He growled when I made no attempt to tell him as I just whispered a shaky ‘sorry’.

How could you tell someone about the voices in your head? You couldn’t, I would feel beyond judged and after my episode, I wasn’t looking for any more attention or stares.

He let out a deep, frustrated sigh and dropped my wrist. I brought them to the front of my abdomen and started to nervously twiddle them together.

Alpha Derek moved and opened the door wider and demanded I enter his office. I obeyed and again, he demanded I sit while he shut the door.

I sat down and he casually walked over to his desk and took his spot in his chair.

“Violet, Violet…” he tsked, trailing off and my mind flashed to Alpha Chris. He always did that right before I got into trouble.

I was back. I was in Alpha Chris’s office.

He was tsk-ing my name. I started crying knowing that I was to be severely punished. My right hand found my left wrist and started to anxiously wringing it. Through my teary peripheral vision, I watched Alpha Chris get up and rapidly stalk towards me.

He reached out and grabbed me and I screamed. I shouted for help, and I tried to push myself away from him.

“A-alpha C-Chris…” I sobbed. I blubbered and cried for him to get away from me, but then he reached out.

to back away from him. I was begging for him to stop, to not hurt me, to not touch

“It’s Derek, you’re fine.

brought my hands to my eyes and tried to rid them of my tears. They didn’t entirely disappear, but it made

down in front of me wasn’t Alpha Chris. It was Alpha

breathing slowed down to a normal rate and I

Another episode.

'You’re a fucking embarrassment.'

Shamed. Nothing but an ignominious, broken

I wanted to go cry and

to get up and leave

He commanded me to do so, he used his alpha voice.

seat and my nails started to scratch my wrist. A habit when I couldn't nick

Derek instantly grabbed my hand in a

I brought my teary eyes to his hard ones. “Don’t

him and pushed my

back, but no result was formed, his grip only tightened. My eyes were rapidly blinking to clear tears as I looked at

don’t know what you’re trying to hide. I’ve already read Reseda’s report.” He pushed my wrist back

what it meant. Maybe not

looked at the clock on the

nothing to say. Maybe I was being rude by

He had no clue how loud my mind was. Or maybe he did

under me- then they’re screaming for more” A frown made its

such a baby but it hurt and I couldn’t help

he had in bed. My voices were calling me a hypocrite, the fact I was hurt for him having lovers when I wasn’t a virgin. Deep down

still mark

“I have no intention.”

My eyes were

one wants damaged

though nothing about

“W-why?” I whispered.

He chuckled. “Why? Why would I mark you? Hmm, let’s see, why?”

from his face, pain filling my system, anticipating his next words. Yet,

not frail, I am not skeleton-like.” Tears sprung at my eyes and he continued. Please don’t cry, I knew it was coming because of how blurry

I whispered out, utterly hurt and it didn’t make complete sense. But I felt like I had to apologize to him like I did something

people envision their Luna, they don’t see you,” he spat, “they see a strong, powerful woman, not

can talk. My stuttering has been getting

nodded my head. He

dropping.

scarred self feels like adding to your collection- just remember you can’t. All razors and any other possible hazards have been

What would I do? That was my escape… I looked up at him with wide, hurt, teary

“N-no, p-please,” I bit my lip, words were even audible to me at this

of discussion,” he

a drawer. He pulled out a prescription bottle and walked to his mini-fridge and pulled out an unopened water bottle. He handed me a pill and gave me the water.

pills. I glanced

“Take it, Flower.”

a flower. But moments ago he called me

Fear was always breathing down my neck knowing Alpha Chris would be in my mind. His name alone frightened me. The

was pointless to sleep now. On average, a sleeping pill takes an hour to kick in, according

Pointless.

went to walk away

opened the door and pushed

be with him at the moment. Despite his berating me moments ago, I wanted his

wolf, not me. The mate

on your head? Go.” He motioned, his voice full of

but

fuck is

to your Alpha,

came back to me and my eyes bulged slightly when I realized what I was doing. Alpha

have the worst fucking

submissive side kicked

I