Through the Screen

noah's mind is haywire with thoughts as he types and backspaces relentlessly, even the words on his screen are incomprehensible just like his thoughts.

he can't seem to put a finger on where he has gone wrong, what is making abel hide things which could simply make or break their relationship. noah knows that he's been bitter about their friendship, but he also knows he's been trying so hard to accept it.

he had never in his life been so insecure about something.

he's never even doubted if he's trying as much as abel is, if he was actually one who had been ruining everything. right now, he feels solely responsible for whatever their relationship has become, maybe it was his lack of interest or ignorance as abel said which is creating deep pits of insecurities and uncertainty between abel and him.

he had never blamed abel for anything that has happened, the reason always somehow seemed to stem from himself and even when it didn't, noah would find a way to blame himself.

today it wasn't changing.

yet again, noah was starting to blame himself for abel 's consequences, for the fact that his husband had to find comfort in someone else's company rather than his own.

he wasn't sure whether there was any love reciprocated between them anymore, it seemed more unnatural and forced the more he thought about it. maybe while he thought they were getting better, it was just abel 's way to not make his life as hard as noah was making it for him.

he didn't want to hold back abel. if he was starting to lose interest in noah or his heart had started beating for someone else, noah couldn't blame him. love wasn't something that you could control, and it wasn't impossible to fall out of love with someone either.

noah just thought it would last a little bit longer for them.

unnecessary ones at that, and there could be a logical reason behind why in the hell was chris in abel 's room at seven

together? noah decided to believe that it was just that and nothing else. he was somehow sure of the fact that they

abel and noah

his table distracting him from his thoughts, and he cracked his cramped fingers before grabbing the device. the sight of abel 's name was supposed to bring a smile on his face,

not speaking for a while and

i'm sorry we haven't talked in a while, i was really busy. how are you?" abel 's voice was hurried, and

to ask about last night, he just wanted to know the truth so it could calm the chaos in his

held an undertone of panic,

little. "so, what were you upto last night?" noah hoped that the question didn't sound as suspicious as it did

"oh, um, i, was just, doing some work, nothing interesting,"

was lying. "what about chris?

since yesterday morning, it's a very busy schedule you know?" noah

later, all the best for your thing," energy was seeping quickly, leaving noah's body and falling off his fingertips and all he wanted right

home and do exactly that, but he wasn't sure if he could find a proper distraction there. he didn't want to lash out on

words if they didn't mean anything. he simply ended the call, and

soft music playing in the background and the smell of alcohol prevalent in his breath. the lumbered bar in