Through the Screen

"no work today?" abel mumbled sleepily, snaking his arms around noah's torso from behind, his forehead pressed against noah's shoulder and noah leaned back slightly in his touch, lowering the flames so he doesn't accidentally burn the slowly browning pancake in the pan.

"i don't have work for the next three days, it's christmas tomorrow darling," noah reminded him, cautiously flipping the pancake and turning around to face abel, his fingers reaching up and pushing a tangled set of curls off abel 's forehead.

"that's pretty cool," noah hummed in response. "where's adrian?" abel stepped closer to noah, letting noah wrap his arms around the younger's waist, pulling him closer and abel smiled at him half heartedly before pressing a soft kiss against noah's lips.

"mm sleeping," noah said, one of his hands reaching back to completely turn off the flames as he moved to kiss abel again, his left hand moving under abel 's jumper slightly so he could feel the hot skin under his fingertips and his right hand moving up to hold abel 's cheek in place.

"y-you're in a good mood today," abel breathed when their lips parted, and noah just gave him a lopsided grin.

"i guess so," noah shrugged, and abel gulped slightly at the thought of ruining it. he can't not tell noah about what he has done, he would die of guilt alone, and he can't wait any longer either because if he does stretch it out anymore, he's sure the pain would be worse for both him and noah.

"can i—i need to," abel stuttered, watching as noah turned around again and slid a single pancake onto the plate, turning the flames back on and pouring a ladle of batter into the gradually heating pan.

"hm?" noah furrowed his eyebrows, handing abel the plate, who took it hesitantly and placed it on the kitchen island, balling up his fists against his thighs and closing his eyes shut to muster up enough courage to own up to what he did.

"i-i have to tell you something," abel blurted out finally and noah did not notice the edge in his voice or the painful difficulty abel faced while letting out the words—noah just nodded and waited for abel to continue.

abel stood silently, his eyes unfocused but still watching the way noah looked so unaffected, nodding his head but not knowing what was about to come, his posture calm and normal as he casually flipped another pancake, sliding the imperfect shape of round onto another plate.

before noah could go ahead and make another, abel reached forward and turned off the flames for the second time that day, causing noah to turn around and stare at him in confusion.

"what?" his tone was just as confused as his expression, eyebrows furrowed and tone soft.

breaking eye contact because he just didn't feel worthy enough to be comforted by the complicated colour and the familiarity of noah's eyes. he knew he will not be able to handle the way they go from bright

gravel because he had woken up not long ago, and abel leaned back against the counter behind him, knotting

and before i tell you what i have done i just-just want you to know that i love you and that it wasn't

soon turn into either disappointment or simply so hurt that noah will lose his voice. abel hoped for the former because he couldn't physically forgive himself if he brings noah down to the point where he doesn't know what to say. he wants noah to yell at him and break things and even hit abel if it will make him feel better. what abel doesn't want is the pallor spreading over noah's sharp features, his mouth opening

this

know how to say it, i'm really sorry noah, i had been drinking and you—i thought you were cheating on me and—" abel stammers, stumbling over his words and trying to string phrases together but his voice was

losing colour and his eyes staring at abel as if they were begging for abel to not say the

hair

at once as if he was hoping for abel to tell him that it was all a joke, but it wasn't, and when abel nodded and a few tears fell down his flushed cheeks, noah could feel his entire

abel went, what he did and with whom he did it. the last question

sorry noah please

"get out,"

"what?"

i don't want

chapter 84

don't do this i

gritted teeth, his pupils blown with both anger and hurt, and his cheeks flushed with a certain paleness as he refuses to look at abel, his breathing pattern losing rhythm every second he is in the presence of the brown haired boy.

in his chest is expanding slowly, the dull ache spreading through his legs making him almost lose his balance and

him is so foreign, noah's body is rejecting the idea to the point where his throat is closing up and his lungs and collapsing within his chest. he doesn't want to believe the words that slipped out of abel 's mouth, he doesn't want to believe anything associated

nothing but pushing noah further and if abel doesn't leave right now, noah is afraid

regulate his breathing and trying not to let the cracks of his heart seep into his voice. noah is so angry, so incredibly angry and he is minutes away from completely losing control. he hates himself more than he hates abel, he hates