Too Beautiful for the Alpha

I must look like something straight out of a nightmare, because when I attempt to open the door, I realize it is locked, and suddenly Gail peeks through the drawn curtains and shrieks. The curtains slip closed and I knock again. "Gail! It's me! Rae?" I call to her, "I'm fine, just let me in."

She comes through the sliver in the curtains again, shouting through the glass of the window. "Rae? Dear Goddess! What on earth happened—"

"Will you please open the door?" I interrupt and wait the few seconds until the lock clicks and Gail swings the door open, her eyes wider than I've ever seen them—and I've held a knife to my neck. "I should explain," I say, attempting to get inside, but she blocks me.

"Is that your blood?"

"No," I say, wanting to get inside, but she blocks me again.

"You'll track blood in the house," she says wearily before lighting up with more questions. "Were you out there at that rogue incident? Is that why you're covered in blood? I'll call the doctor. Alpha Grant is by the border post, but I'll send someone to get him. Come in. Come in. Where are you hurt? It looks like everywhere."

I follow her into the living room where the phone is. "I'm not, well I was under a dead wolf, but I'm not actually hurt. It's just rogue blood."

She stops and looks back at me. "You were what?"

"I'll explain if you'll let me."

She nods. "Just let me get the Alpha."

I grab the phone before she can. "No. Don't. I said I'm not hurt."

"You're soaked in another man's blood. You look like Carrie. You said something about being stuck. Now give me the phone."

"Gail, please. Let me explain first?"

She groans. "Alright."

I sit down at the small table in the kitchen while Gail grabs a dish towel and runs it under the sink, ringing it out, then sitting down beside me. She brings the cloth to my face and rubs at the blood smeared on me. "Goddess, Rae. It's dried on you."

I explain and she rubs. "I went to go ask a guard about the unclaimed land and it just happened to be during this whole attack thing. Long story short rogues were all around me and I didn't know what to do. I saw this dead wolf just laying there so," Gail cringes, "I hid under it. It was so heavy. Plus, I took them hours until they found me! I was going insane. I couldn't feel my legs—even now they feel weird."

were you out so late

got curious about unclaimed land," I say, my excuse already planned out. I had enough time to do so while under that beast. "Then that happened. I swear, I'm always in the middle of trouble. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time." My mind wanders to the moment when I first met James. How I stumbled out

face—my skin feeling red—we hear the front door open and I immediately give her a look. "I didn't call him. You had the phone," she says, returning to the sink again to rinse what she got off with

at my horror state and sigh. It takes him three seconds to get to the kitchen, and when James appears he stops suddenly, his eyes examining me.

look on his face. "You were at the borders during the

much it. You can go now, you don't have to waste your time here. I'm sure there's a lot to deal with." I leave him

to find words. "Are... Are

choose when to be nice to me and when to be an ass. You told me that you don't want me. You made it very clear." You also kissed me. You grabbed me and kissed me like you had the right to when you didn't, and I couldn't help but love it. "You

respond, and the entire way to my bedroom I'm thinking, why did he ask me that? He doesn't say things like that. He's never asked me how I am. I said too much. I can't tell him how I feel, he'd use

in and I step into the shower, letting the water wash the red from my skin. The white floor of the shower is coated

the shower and I slid down the tiles until I hit the ground. The shower beats down on my legs as I curl up. Shampoo

taste the blood on

I'll have to get out sometime, I squeeze out some conditioner and lather my hair, eventually standing up to rinse it out. The bathroom is clouded with steam,

books and my iPod set neatly on the edge of the bed, waiting for me. I take

back up.

* * *

November 20, 1991

to refuse. I am pregnant. I had hoped for it and I was granted it. At first, I was scared, but James is warming up to me. He has been spending more time with me the last few weeks and it makes me even more sure in my hopes. He is beginning to accept me into his life. It was hard at

met many new people and he says that he will announce my role as Luna soon. Everything

with him. He holds me at night. I no longer have to reach out to him when

Gail and Theresa, lying amongst my books and my iPod, thinking. He gave me my things back, I know that. I know it wasn't Gail

not knowing where James is. He could be in his room, he could be at the borders, he could

the bottle of vodka that I left on the porch that one night before heading to the kitchen to grab a glass. The moon shines into the empty kitchen, bleaching the white countertops and giving the space an unearthly glow. I reach into the cabinet, select a glass, then unscrew the bottle cap and pour. It hurts going down like it did before, an unpleasant taste left

back to earlier when Gail was scrubbing my face and when James came in. I wonder what he thought when he first saw me covered in blood. It worried him, I

something else. The other part yearns for him. I read Julianna's diary and dream of a world where James holds me at night, one where he kisses me goodnight and where he tells me how much he needs me. This part of me would kill for that world. This part of me lays awake at night and holds her pillow, pretending it is him sleeping against me. The mate bond is cruel to me. The Moon Goddess is cruel to me. He is cruel to me but I can't let go. Every time he shows me a smidge of

presence, and to my surprise it is him. He stands at the entrance to the kitchen, his eyes on me, and I swiftly grab the

a word he comes up to me and reaches behind me, and I let him take the bottle from me without putting up a fight. My cheeks heat up,