Touching the Heart of Ace

"... so this is our Little Lia's room." I thanked Winnie in my mind for keeping this room pristine and unlike a messy toddler's heaven. "This is the princess throne she got for her first 'Dada'. She has wrapped her dad around her little finger." I laugh.

When the Architect's Digest asked us to shoot our home I had not expected Daddy to be okay with it. But this home was his pride and joy, so he did not protest... much.

"I actually have a lot of stuff which I took from my mom's home because I want Lia to grow knowing her roots. So, when we started decorating, I told Robbie that I want this whole wall dedicated to our family. This is my mom and dad during their graduation ceremony. Yes, they were college sweethearts, this is me... Robert Brantley... my brother Jason... This is my Aunt Marie... she looks so happy in this photo, may she rest in peace... then this is Uncle Fred, ever the goofball... Sorry Uncle Jack did not attend his own graduation... had some concert, I guess..."

I let the camera crew to Jason's room. "I swear it is not this clean on a normal day. He is M-E-S-S-Y..."

I laughed and smiled at the questions they asked but they would cut that off when uploading this video.

Too bad.

"Bye..." I waved and closed the door for the camera before opening it again. "So... that was not so bad."

They all good naturedly laughed before trying to leave. Well, I was not having it. It was too early to serve lunch and too late for breakfast. That did not mean they could not have some refreshments before hitting the road.

They did not stay for long and I bid them good bye at the gate.

"Shall we?"

I jumped and hit my man's chest. "Stop scaring me."

"I love scaring you."

I flicked his chin and let him drag him to the car. Never would he admit it but he missed Lia far too much.

I shook my head.

Well, I missed our baby girl too.

"Where is Nick?"

"Anniversary." Daddy grumbled.

"Don't tell me you made it difficult for him."

"Well, he got the leave, didn't he?"

"You big meanie."

Robbie sighed. "I reserved a night at El Palazzo for them. So, stop glaring at me."

I giggled and kissed my man's cheek. "You are the best."

He smiled smug before rubbing the inside of my thigh. "Sore?"

He deserved the slap.

I sighed.

I loved my life so much.

I could not believe this was me who was living this perfect, out of the fairy tale life. I had the man of my dreams, a kid anyone could only wish to have, an overprotective brother, two ever-loving uncles and a girl best friend who was both intelligent and beautiful, and a boy best friend who was as introverted as a turtle.

Russel was yet to accept the title though.

Sigh!

And a very beautiful home.

Sigh!

I smiled and closed my eyes.

I wanted nothing more in this life than what I already have.

So freaking perfect.

It was a bumpy ride and several times were there moments that made me doubt if I would make this far.

And it was surprising from where all did we receive the help from.

Family, friends, colleagues but the most helpful and understanding person in our life was Little Lia herself.

She was our little bundle of precious joy and God... did she figuratively drag us out of the painful whirlpool of trauma?

Sigh!

Therapy was not a cake walk. Neither was it all talk nor was there any immediate solutions. We could not change the past but we could build the future.

And build, that we did.

There were times when none of us knew where to go; up or down. There were times we thought fighting was worthless; we were too damaged for help.

But... we pulled through...

Robbie and I leaned on each other's shoulders, not letting the other one take the burn of the fall alone when we indeed fell.

Could not believe we survived that; I was not even joking.

I cried way too much to be healthy and Robbie bottled up his emotions that he was being eaten from the inside.

Jesus!

Could not believe at all.

All the nights were filled with nightmares.

That one time I dreamt of a Papa rooster and a baby chick. It was so adorable and heart-warming in the beginning, the way they played around but soon took a horrific turn when the baby chick started squirming under the rooster.

Papa lost his balance and the chick was squished and...

It was horrific.

I watched helplessly when the rooster tried to wake up his baby and... a tear of blood fell from the chick's eye as it took its last breath.

I ran away from the painful screams of the rooster which sounded very close to my voice.

I... woke up screaming to the top of my lungs for Lia.

I never had that dream again but it was engraved into my heart; painful and bleeding.

My girl was okay... she was sleeping soundly hugging her Crocky to her chest.

Tears were flowing down my face and pulled her to my chest, clutching her for my dear life.

She was my life.

I would literally die of heart break if something happened to her. It took me over a week to stop crying and almost another one before I could talk to my therapist about it.

She was happy about the dream. She said it was perfectly alright for me to have such nightmares. It apparently meant I was worried about my kid's safety in all aspects of my life and it only showed me how I was a caring father.

Sweet words?

I really could not be sure but her words had helped me see the dream in another perspective.

I was worried sick for the safety of my daughter and it was time I pulled myself together and got my life back.

And that was exactly what I did but Robbie on the other hand... his therapy was in much slower pace than mine.

I did not mind but I wanted Daddy to recover fast.

If one of the major hurdle in my therapy session was making me understand the problems related to my first time with Robbie when he had hurt me so bad... his was much more complicated, rooting from his childhood.

And childhood trauma was really difficult to treat when left unattended for this long.

Something about us forgetting a lot of incidents and the residual pain causing all the troubles. Robbie had chalked them as experiences and it was affecting his judgements unknown to him.

It was okay though. I had trust in him to come out of the tunnel winning. He had me, he had all his family backing him up, including Uncle Fred.

Surprising right?

So, when the therapist asked me to join to his personal sessions, though she admitted it was unconventional, I had wholeheartedly agreed.

Anything for him.

I cuddled up to his chest on the sofa, just listening to his words not meddling at all, even though I found some of his findings and conclusions absurd.

My man literally thought if he did not lock me up in his room right after an argument, I would leave him alone in this world. But since he knew I would not do well in confinement, he had switched it to sex.

Absurd.

But... if he was thinking that way, he might have very strong reasons.

So I did not meddle in.

Or that one time, his greatest regret was giving me Lia.

Hurting?

Not so much because I had learned that his words were only a tip of what he really meant, at times.

So I patiently waited for him to elaborate.

"Lia came in as a surprise. I... uh... told you already... ummm... the bitch had lied to me that she was pregnant and trapped me to marry her... so, this time... I did not believe her. Angel and I had already become an item. At least from my side. I only wanted him. He was taking lot of my space, both physical and mental... I had no space for anyone romantically or sexually... So..."

I rubbed his chest when he cleared his throat.

"So... there was no way I would fuck anyone... much less that bitch."

Robbie was too crude but the therapist was very happy with his words and expressions. She was someone who you made you feel like you have to be at your best. So, I thought she would ask him to use polite words.

She hadn't and Robbie did not offer.

"So, you assumed she was lying."

Robbie nodded.

"I was planning to meet my Angel the next day. So... I only thought she was bluffing to get my attention to steal my money."

"What made you believe then?"

"She actually had the video of us fucking. I uh... was angry at Angel at that time. He had kissed his brother and I..."

"Got jealous?"

Robbie huffed. "I did not know any Jason... or that he was his brother or... anything... I uh..."

"Deep breaths, Robert. You are doing remarkably well. Your Angels are with you. Do you need sometime?"

It took him sometime and when he looked at me, I gave him a kind smile and a kiss on his cheek. "I am here. Not going anywhere."

I closed my eyes and rubbed my ear on his pounding heart.

Robbie shook his head and talked again.

"I was drunk. I was... planning to ruffle up Jason but then I thought Angel being in love with him and... forgetting me and... I could not have that... but then Ace would be sad if Jason... and..."

"It must have been so difficult for you to push past your thoughts."

Robbie nodded.

Therapist smiled.

getting better of me,

good on your own in handling

anymore. Angel says he will listen whatever I have to say

I will help you to get that

say that his tears don't matter because I don't want him to use it to leave me... but

Therapist wrote something down.

do you regret having

I was drunk and that bitch made me drink again after spiking it Xcatsy. I do not even remember seeing her much less fucking her. But she had a video and I had to believe it. I did not know that she was lying about my first kid, so I

Robbie rubbed his forehead.

her but I did not want her. I... she could be my kid but I refused to acknowledge that... I was yearning for her to

prepared to a

and the bitch only gave birth because I told her if this ended up in abortion I would make her

that

pushed my baby to him. In my defence, I had planned to keep them away from each other... but the days at the hospital dragged on... I could not see him, talk to him or anything... I fainted and I

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

me to stop from

because of my stupidity. He had to give up a lot... he should be sleeping all day, clubbing and focus on only being my everything not worried about... a lot of things that came with parenthood. Ace has this habit of pretending to be happy and calm when he is not... and even after knowing him, feeling him and being with him, it stills takes me some time to get him truthful... I am worried I am hurting him with this parenthood and deep down he is doing this because

was towards

asked you about Lia being Robbie's child, you had answered me that she was yours too. And more than few times it seemed like you are ecstatic to

I cried.

be enough to tell or prove everyone that Lia was my life or that

I felt inadequate.

one would believe

No one.

not biologically her father and people would say my love would not

believed she was the only thing that came out good from this fucked up life; to an extend

had heard it when my family and friends, including Daddy saying that Lia was lucky to have me

said it was

theatre when the voices in my nightmares

Robbie for not stopping his annoying habit of recording

from my intimate times in the bedroom but when Lia came to our life, he had started recording our family life

Angel... it is you... look... it is you... I am not kissing anyone else... here, see the man in the mirror kisses the baby when I kiss you... that means the baby is you and

tried to

the time when I thought it would be good to kiss my baby in front of the mirror. Baby thought I was kissing some other baby and there it was.... wailing, kicking and struggling to get away from

I won't kiss anyone... come on... Robbie, stop recording

she tried to kick her right leg and curl to my chest. I kept a hand on her tiny back and helped her cuddle up. "Ohhh

was Little Lia drooling and clapping her tiny hands looking at my sleeping form with a

was squealing but I

her when she was this young was

She cooed and patted my nose before licking her palm and trying to wake me up

and the camera juggled with Robbie's

Baby Angel. Angel is

wiggling her butt to scoot closer, then fell on

She was that small

wake up before starting to punch my chest and

woke up groggy and frowned seeing my cackling baby. "Lia? What are you

scooped her up and kissed her head before turning around tucking her under my chin. Then I twisted around

Come sleep. Nighty night-night." I yawned and turned around again, Lia safely cuddled to

is two fifteen in the

finally waking up to a wailing Lia who was gnawing on

watched that footage with nothing but tenderness and love in my heart would be enough to make them understand

They would not agree.

hilarious one of Robbie trying very hard to

on, child. Open your mouth. Ace will

spat the baby food right on Robbie's

the fu... fu... dear god! What was in it! It is disgusting! Ga! Too slimy! YUCK!!! I feel like

balance and slowly plopped her to side giggling

when it is Angel! You are doing this to get me

and kept it on

to edit that part out in his hurry to prove

was kicked

Lia was getting restless and she

front door holding some papers, mails, books and

her tiny legs were kicking a mile per minute." "You don't believe when

ridiculous. Why is she crying? Little Lia, why are you crying? Oh, you are not crying now?" I wiped her face and nose with

down

was a my upper naked was slowly swaying with the thrusts Robbie was giving me, my hair as a halo on the bed. My eyes were half hooded

away the camera

Robbie groaned and the camera was dropped

Yeah...

worth of my time to sort the videos out and

no business playing when I wanted to watch our family

HAVING SEX' and we had a very 'peaceful'... debate, on that

time and ended up watching something she was

he thought the naming

IT WAS NOT!!!

of the folder but that was

was it was inappropriate. No, it did not matter if Davey was

Point was...

UGH!

she would not wonder if we have

Yes, but...

about your parents,

Of course I had!

that was

Uggh!

I had wondered if my parents had sex. And I

can't see my parents as a couple and only as my parents and... I can't believe I was born because they had sex! I don't wanna know what they did behind the close doors of their bedroom. And I can't imagine them being present at my wedding knowing that I might have sex

is not the

it is us being sexually intimate, the problem is with our parenting. Not

Ugggh!!!

might prompt my kid thinking of such things. Yes, she might, she might not... it is up to her and it has to be on her terms, according to mental and emotional growth. Not from any other external factors and most certainly not from our side, if I can help it. So this right here, is something I know would push

to "Demon and Angel having

failed the next debate and he

early in

It was okay...

Dr. Adam was remarkable at handling with kids who were exposed

as to what we were planning to do or why Janice had climbed on my lap if she

Adam took her hand and walked her along the path... and my kid just understood that some people were not as lucky

it was

the innocence of my

that she was mine and I loved her with

came home and ended up kicking his shin with

came from and I had no one else but myself to

had pushed that man to

reminded him of

asked him to be

the blame if someone found out about this

head to know that it was all 'Robbie' not innocent

times, I was begging and pleading him in my

that. I thrived

But at what cost?

I was being truthful when I had asked him to leave me

known that I was hurting and was

life. He was scared some day on the lane of

was making were not the real mistakes that I was committing. My real mistakes were the one I made to cover

person I loved the most

But it was okay.

had gone wrong I was willing

except myself who really knew how much I

when I stayed awake at night staring at my sleeping daughter, rubbing her tiny legs that might be

could already see the baby fat on her cheeks slowly fading. I missed them so much as much as I cherished

cried a

baby wailing her

all the nonsense by the

had lived through was still fresh in mind even after months and I... thought of

his knuckles to see if he had to go the

even before she could properly see me and I ran to her with my hands outstretched. My eyes already welling up at sight of my baby's tear soaked face and

Lia? Philip why is she crying? Little

finally let out a small huff of laugh which

So, not that bad.

fell and scraped her knee while

when not seeing any cuts. What if she bumped her

do Daey!!! Daey Lia's... Oh Daey... 'hic' the boy has

with the way she was crying. Her cries had

looked at Philip who was

Okaaaay...

was a struggle itself. She kept on climbing up my

Just throwing a funny tantrum. Good luck. Yes, you need

a text from

fro on our patio as she still sniffled and cried on my shoulder with occasional Davey and a boy who had

in and froze at her

what I was saying. He smiled pecked his child and

have brought us?" Cake?

chewed on my

my girl

what

"DAVEY LUB LIA."

of course." I agreed. There was no doubt about that and

her

curled around her and kept on playing with her ringlets

was so

my kid. I was yet to see anyone who was a prettier

had given when she saw him climbing

He would giggle, pat my thigh twice before climbing up my thigh like he

up giving 'horse rides' to both babies with one on each thigh. Best leg work ever, until Russel came and rescued my legs with the promise of an elephant

my baby girl was the prettiest, adorable baby in the world and she

not crying... or glaring... or shouting... or pushing little boys off their rides...

She was an Angel.

when Daddy picked her up

but cuddled on his

anywhere. You

sighed but stubbornly kept on staring at her; just in case she woke up and wanted to feel my

that I would

climbed off her father's chest and tucked herself under my chin... and the safe

Until...

wake up...

What is wrong?" My eyes flew to my baby and saw her curled around my hand on the other side. "What is wrong,

Was he panicking?

"Daddy? What?"

I can't breathe...

quickly kicked out of the comforter and pulled his

desperately removed my shirt and I let him pull and push me like the way he wanted. I rubbed his chest and kept on reminding him

Robbie... Daddy.... everything is

"I... uh... I uh...."

am here... Lia is sleeping...

so damn

"Uuhhuuhh..."

love Lia

I know that

I love you

do...

don't know what I