You Saved Me Once Book 1

I was a freshman. We are supposed to be young, innocent, and youthful. I was none of those things, anymore. During the holiday break freshmen year, I did something. It’s another secret. Because of that secret I’m now cold, blue, and sick.

It’s been two months, since the funeral. I feel worse than before, everything sucks. I feel like I’m pushing myself too much. I was too sick that day, I should’ve stayed home.

Food is minimal now, it’s been this way for a while. After the fu-neral, I could only eat one thing, pizza. I should’ve eaten more. My habit started to make me look different. I wore heavy clothes now, warm clothes. Many layers.

I force myself to move, if I stayed still too long the secrets would flutter inside. I tried to make it through the day, gym was the first class.

Everyone just got back from winter break. Everyone is sluggish, wet, and cold. Our gym shoes are pressed with wet snow, we dry them on the gym mats, we fail. Our slippery sneakers squeak against the polished gym floor. Everything smelt cold, and wet.

I came in late. I was crying in the bathroom.

Class has already started, but it felt like it stopped once I walked in.

The volume lowered, the balls stopped bouncing, the sneaker squeaks, reduced. Everything was low, as if they were watching me. They were. I could hear them whispering.

No matter how hard I avoided attention, even though I need-ed it. I needed so much attention, but I never asked for it, yet it always found me. Everyone noticed my habit, everyone knew about the Rich-ard’s. Everyone knew about the Bartley’s.

I try to hide the care I felt. I tried to mute the whispers, the talk. I didn’t want to cry again.

My wet sneakers squeak each time I walk. They are dripping with the melted snow water I failed to dry on the mats.

The volume increases again. Everyone starts taking laps around the gym.

I join in, even though my fluttering stomach is pulsing. It’s too warm. I keep swallowing the saliva that keeps coming up. I lick my teeth, as my heart races. I should stop running, but I don’t.

That’s the last thing I remember.

I fainted in gym class freshmen year. Most thought I was act-ing out, because of the death in my family. Most thought it was for at-tention. I nod to the lies, and the rumors, even though they weren’t true. It’s better than the truth.

The truth is another secret.

~~~~~

I slam my locker. The memories make me feel sick again.

at my boots, they

halls feeling paranoid. Sometimes a certain smell, or

school just

No teacher, no classmates in photography. Just a dim,

too

to break me from my crying spell. School was

I pretend to ignore her. I hide my head in my

alone. Jeff’s

either of them, I’m too worried

easily trigger me

today Rochelle.” I

I wiped

arm around me.

knew his name. He was a senior like us, and an athlete.

was better, but didn’t rub it

to a lot of girls, and hangs out with stoners, which includes

sad. People also say

didn’t know him. Did he know me? Did he know my history? Did he know the rumors? Did he know the truth? Is he judging me, like

me for a while, he smiles. He doesn’t

off of me and

my cold hands under

him

you do that Rochelle?”

handle squeaks, loud.

I bite my lip with

I’m fucking judging.”

was middle school.”

from some of the worst years for both Rochelle and I. The more we stay silent and reminisce on the past, the darker the

close, but when middle

our school, to start exploring sex,

way for many reasons. When the summer

started dating, not just