Through the Screen

it's half past midnight when abel enters their. . .noah's bedroom, the bed unmade, the closet open and half empty and a picture frame shattered onto the carpet. he sighs and takes a deep breath, walking outside and grabbing a dustpan and a broom, before making his way back, only to find noah already inside and in the middle of changing his clothes. oh god. abel 's fingers grip the dustpan a little tighter, his already bitten lower lip easing back between his teeth and a bruising blush rising from the base of his neck and sitting high on his cheeks.

he knows he shouldn't be watching, especially after things are so terrible between them, but this is noah, and he is abel, and even if things weren't terrible between them, he would still watch noah as he is watching him right now—with an unconscious desperation and an inexplicable gaze of love. he looks away before noah can notice, slowly backing out of the room but to his luck—or lack of—noah turns around just that second and abel 's eyes widen in surprise, the blush on his cheeks darkening from embarrassment.

"i-i'm sorry i didn't mean to," abel stammers nervously and noah only sighs in response before eyeing the objects in his hands.

"what are you going to do with those?" noah asks instead, not making eye contact as he speaks and abel just bites his lip before answering.

"the-um-the frame-i—" abel can't speak; he's constantly jittery and nervous and scared. he just doesn't want to lose noah.

reassuring, mending abel 's heart and breaking it all at once. "why are you so

mouth, gulping as noah looks at him with an emotionless gaze for

trained on the floor, and abel 's hands slip from his mouth

with an almost inaudible sob, and settles himself onto the edge of the bed, his face buried in his palms and back facing abel. abel stands at the threshold in confusion for a few seconds

me anymore do you? i'm such a piece of shit, i probably never treated you right and i didn't make you feel loved enough—" noah chokes pathetically, and if abel thought he was heartbroken minutes ago he was wrong, because this, the way he has made noah question himself and his love and made noah this broken man in front of him, this is what breaks his heart in the worst way possible. his throat stings because the lump has grown so impossible large, and there is this never ending pain rooting from the center of his chest and infecting every fibre within him and his fingers are shaking yet again and he can

he hates himself.

good husband or a father i'm so sorry that you had to do this abel

tears streaking down his cheeks as he struggles to speak. "no, no, no it was never

"but—"